Success and Failure Blog

MY NAME IS MARIE: I’M A RECOVERING ALCOHOLIC

It would be easy to blame a lack of Christian upbringing for my behavior. I could even point to an absentee father and a dysfunctional family and say they caused it.  In reality, it was the love of alcohol and my immoral behavior during my teen years that quickly propelled my life into a hopeless abyss from which I thought I would never recover.

When I was eight years old, my playmate told me about the fun things she did at church.  Since there was no fun in my life, I invited myself to attend church with her.  This was the first time I ever heard about God.  Also at eight years old, I became curious about the wine my mother was drinking.  I reasoned it must taste pretty good since she drank it so often.  So I began taking sips of it when she wasn’t looking.  I loved it immediately!

By fifteen, my girlfriend and I were routinely leaving our homes on Saturday nights crossing the nearby border into Mexico.  There, feeling very mature in our mini skirts and black, net stockings, we drank until we were drunk. I loved everything about alcohol – the way it tasted, the way it made me feel, and the power I thought it gave me.

Returning to her house to sleep, we found the nights too short.  For bright and early each Sunday morning, her father would wake us up, insisting since we had been drinking, we now needed to go to church.  Although aware of our drinking, members of the little church turned a blind eye to our appearance and the alcohol on our breath.  Instead they chose to love us anyway and encouraged us to continue coming.

The pastor would often say, “Marie, do you want to talk? How can we help you?  Are you ready to stop drinking?”  I wasn’t ready to stop, but I felt guilty because of how kind he was to me in spite of my condition.  Even reeling from a hangover, God spoke to me through his sermons.  No matter where I was, no matter my condition, He continued knocking on the door of my heart – wanting me to come to Him.

A tubal pregnancy at fifteen ended with the loss of my preborn child and nearly took my life as well.  In the years to come, this pregnancy would affect all efforts to become pregnant.

In my sober moments I would take a good look at my miserable existence.  “God, my life isn’t supposed to look like this.  Why is this happening?  What do you want from me?”  I wondered if I would ever be free from the powerful, dark forces controlling my life – this addiction to alcohol and the drugs I was also taking.

In 1992, at the age of twenty-four, I hit bottom.  In addition to everything else, I was now homeless.  Although embarrassed and ashamed of my condition, with no place else to go, I moved in with my father.  I somehow managed to stop drinking for one year, but with a poor choice of friends, sobriety did not last long.

Jim, a frequent customer where I worked, recognized my condition and spoke encouraging words to me each time he saw me.  “Take it one day at a time.  Look to God for your strength.  You can do it.  God can help you.”  I didn’t realize the words he spoke were those he heard at his Alcoholics Anonymous meetings.  One day he said, “Marie, you look horrible.  You just can’t go on like this.  Let me pick you up this evening after work and take you some place where you can get help.”  With no idea what he meant or where we would go, I agreed.  He took me to a meeting place for recovering alcoholics.  That night, I determined to get sober and stay sober.  Step one was to attend those meetings on a regular basis.

Shortly thereafter I was transferred to the late night shift at work.  That meant I was at work while the bars were open.  I truly believe it was God Who rearranged my schedule to put the temptation of alcohol even farther from me.

After a year of encouragement from the meetings, I finally began seeking God with all my heart.  From my first introduction to God, I never doubted His existence and never stopped talking to Him.  I had asked Him to be my Savior in the past.  Now I was asking from my heart.  I had no idea what the future would hold, but was certain He was real and that His hand was on my life.

From all I’ve experienced, I should be dead by now, but instead I’ve been given life – a life of sobriety these past fifteen years.  During this time, I have seen God do a tremendous work in my life.  Now I know what the Bible means when it says, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come.” (2 Cor. 5:17 NIV).

I praise God for doing that for me.

Also see Alcohol Abuse, Temptation on www.SuccessAndFailure.net