I wish you were alive and still on this earth Lord so that I could be with you in the flesh. I need you to comfort me with real arms and wipe the tears of my past away. Help me put away the anguish and pain that follows me like a cloud. I know you are in my heart loving me as a father to a daughter who has lost every hope of a future with someone. I think who would want my highly sensitive person and the complicated past. Only you Lord want me. Only you Lord will love unconditionally. Only you will fight my battles. Only you will go before me. Help me Lord to forgive and leave my memories of my predators to you and the cross. Let me not lose the person you have created me to be. My Lord is my help and shield in time of trouble. I will trust that he has my best interest at heart as He takes me through the valley of the shadow of death; for He is with me. The Lord prepares a table before my enemies (predators). He anoints my head with oil my cup overflows; surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life.
Sometimes I forget who I am when my past and the words of my attackers visit me the darkest times of my life. Those words that Satan whisper’s in my ear send me to another place and the visit is cruel. Why do I listen? I am no longer a victim but a overcomer. I had already healed from these words but new memories have surface and new faces and they have made me stumble because they are family. I had an inkling of the one but without the face in the memory I didn’t want to go there; but now it has been revealed as so.
The Lord has been good to me and bringing these memories He knew I would stand strong in Him. I would not forget what the Lord has already done for me. The Lord has been everything to me. He has protected, provided, and my warrior when I needed Him to fight my battles. But, the scope of the memories and people has broadsided me. The human body can withstand much punishment but I believe that my Lord was with me through my ordeals. My tiny fingers were held by my creator and as my fingers grew He was still there waiting patiently for me to cry out to Him for help. I was very angry child and adult and I took it inward. But, my Father in heaven reached out and drew me out and gave me a voice. My voice sets up my boundaries, calls to God for help, seeks good friendships, prays for others, reads out loud the Bible, my voice speaks truth, and my voice sings praises to a loving and forgiving God.
When drawn to the dark side it’s because I forget who I am. We need to help ourselves to remember who we are. I am a daughter of King. (John 1:12) I was adopted when I asked Jesus into my life. (Ephesians 1:5) I am born of God; the evil one cannot touch me. (1John 5:18) I can do all things thru Christ who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:13) Satan will do everything he can to distract and kill your soul. Do not let Satan in. Greater is He who is in you then he that is in the world. (1John 4:4) If your spirit acknowledges that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God, but every spirit that doesn’t acknowledge that Jesus Christ is not from God. (1John 4:2-3) We need to test our friends and boyfriends because many will deceive you into thinking they know the Christ; when truly they do not and they will rob you of your relationship with Jesus Christ.
Fight for your relationship with Jesus Christ when you are going through deep sorrow. Do not allow family, friends, and boyfriends to say you are making things up. Go to Jesus Christ and a trusted friend to pray with you through your hard times. Find a Christian Counselor who will speak truth and pray that the Lord will use them in your life. Do not feel that you are alone because Jesus will go before you and make a way. Do not be press into staying busy because you are suppressing everything down and not facing it. This is not going away if you do not face it; and the Lord only gives us what we can handle for the day.
Songs have helped me to grieve my lost. You know those songs and movies that will give a voice to your pain use them. Read the Bible for those scriptures that bring strength, trust, love, and deliverance. Neil T. Anderson, “The Bondage Breaker” will help you let go and forgive. Be nice to yourself, rest, and pamper yourself. This life is hard but it will get easier if you do not take this life out on yourself. Do not beat yourself up we have all fallen short of the glory of God; we are all not perfect. (Romans 3:23) Do not blame yourself give it to the Lord. I have a cross in my heart where I carve the names, sins, and the offenses committed on me. Why? It’s a reminder that I have already given it to Jesus, and that cross reminds me that Jesus died for ever sin, disease and offense.
God loved me so much that He sent His One, Only Son Jesus Christ came down to earth to be born and to die on a cross of wood. Jesus carried all our past, present and future sins, diseases and our sorrows on Him Self for us. I do not need to carry all my gruesome past memories anymore I can give them to Jesus and He can then change my dirty, filthy garment into a white robe that is washed in the blood of Jesus Christ.
If you are still carrying the past memories and they continue to bring hate and destruction. You do not need to take them any further because I know a man who was dearly loved by His father. This man took on the task because He knew we couldn’t make it on our own. We would keep feeding this sin against us and it wouldn’t make us happy. This man wants us to remember good memories and not bad. He wants us to live a life-like no one else. That is why Jesus Christ took the beating that stripped his back to the bone, he endured the shame of his clothes being taken from Him, and He endured mocking and more beating, and then the walk with the cross on His back that was stripped of skin. Jesus walked that walk for us. They nailed His hands and feet and HE was all alone as He faced the end. God had abandoned His Son because of sin. God couldn’t look on sin because He was pure. So, His Son had to endure the pain of the cross all alone. Jesus Christ died, and on the third day rose to be seated at the right hand of the Father to intercede for us. Because Jesus Christ endured the cross alone He doesn’t want ANY of us to endure loneliness and hardship. Today, if you hear His voice, do not harden your hearts but cling to His every word that He loves you and is calling you to come home. Believe that He came in the flesh so that He could die for us. Repent of holding on to the sins that were against you. Give them to Jesus and He will cleanse you. Ask Him into your hearts and take a step forward in your healing process.
Thank you, Father for your undying love for me. Thank you, for not letting go of my hand. Thank you for writing your name on my heart. Thank you, that I am not alone. I pray you will keep healing our hearts that we will not be afraid to seek help. Help us to find our voice and use it for you. Let us make new memories with you. I pray that you will bring back what the locust took from us and you will bless us with new hopes and dreams.
For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom His whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge ⎯ that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.ᶦ