Character of God

Grasping our Father’s Hand

The stars are shining in the sky but the hidden secrets that we do not see are the nuggets that we need to learn while grasping our Father’s hand. Climbing that mountain finding my hands and feet holds clasping the sides of the mountain and whispering a prayer “Greater is he that is in you than he that is in the world” I can do this thing. “I will not be afraid of ten thousand people who set themselves against me.” Everything around me that is hindering me is disappearing in front of me. The crowds of people the hawking faces looking to see what you’re doing all are disappearing. Now, I only see my Father’s hand reaching out to grasp my hand. I look up into His eyes and His eyes are lit up the purest of blue that sparkles like gems. My Father’s lips are cast in a permanent curve up and are always present for me.  The stress in my body has gone now I am hook up to my lifeline. The mountain has become a boat ride across a calm river with my Father rowing the boat.          

The journey thus far has been crazy with the running away, surrendering control, dying to self, and now rising from the ashes to claim what the Lord has for me.            

How long did I think I could stay away from the Lord? Life really sucks when you are not doing what the Lord designed for you to do. You might say you are happy but are you really? I thought I was but I was harboring resentment towards my Father in heaven. I thought my life so far was His fault. My childhood abuse and my later marriage were His fault for not coming to my rescue. I believe that fairy story about the knight in shining amour but that’s not reality. I wanted the Lord to rescue me from my predicaments and set me free in my way and not His way. My limitations on Him cause me to hate Him. That is when I found myself on a road that was hard and winding and it was not leading anywhere near the Lord and His plan for me. I was wallowing in self-pity that wasn’t honoring my Lord. I was still going to church and having a Bible study and living a life that I thought was devoted to God. Inside my heart I was bleeding and I was dying little by little. I did not know how to tell anyone what was happening because of the shame. The feeling of  being dirty and ashamed of my thoughts and actions kept me silent.            

Eventually, my running away stop and I faced my biggest challenge so far in my life and that was surrendering my control and giving it to God. My life spiral out of control and I was seeing a counselor. The road trip was my fault the choices I made were my choice. My pains of the choices of others were not the Lord’s fault. My choice of holding on to it was my fault.

Shame would follow me through my running away, surrendering control, dying to self, and final to rising from the ashes.

Romans 8:1, “There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus…”
Far too many believers are feeling dirty, worthless and ashamed of themselves. As a result, they feel unclean and therefore unworthy to approach God and have the living and intimate relationship that He wants to have with them! Shame prevents us from intimacy with God because it makes us feel unworthy and distant from Him. I have found that God died on the cross taking my shame and worthlessness nailing it to the cross so I will never ever feel ashamed again.  He washes me in HIS blood leaving me white as snow. The Lord came and healed my body of the sin afflicted on me. Today, I want to share my story so others can find the hope of Jesus Christ.  Books that help me during my long journey to self discovery:
Changes That Heal, The Wounded Heart: Hope for Adult Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse, Walking with God on the Road You Never Wanted to Travel, Destined to Reign: The Secret to Effortless Success, Wholeness and Victorious Living,