Success and Failure Blog

A year ago, the only things people knew about Ben Roethlisberger were that he’d won 2 Super Bowls, and that his name was hard to spell; “Ben Rothlisberger” is one of many possible spellings people have made. Today, it’s much different. It’s a story that shows just why people need to think about their actions before they take them.

For those who don’t know, Roethlisberger has been involved in two situations involving women; one resulting in a civil suit, and the more result assault allegation. No criminal charges were filed in either. However, they show the importance of making wise choices when out in public, and even hint at why courtship is recommended by many, even for older people.

The latest one is the only one in which a District Attorney looked at evidence. The D.A.’s statement showed that something happened, but it’s too difficult to tell what it was. Even without criminal charges, though, evidence is so strong that something happened that there was talk that Commissioner Roger Goodell would suspend him.

Some have decried the fact he was at the place in question, but with a number of friends around him, that shouldn’t have been a huge problem. Why?

Obviously, people must act responsibly. But, we’re all human. We should have codes that tell us to be responsible for ourselves, but when we fail, we need friends there for us.

True friends – the kind that look out for you and don’t pressure you into things – provide accountability. That means, if the star QB wanted to drink more, at least one should have been responsible and made sure that, first, all the drinkers got rides, and second, that nobody did anything which might look bad in the morning. In other words, there should always be at least one who can have fun without losing control. One can have a lot of fun and even act silly quite well on one’s own, without causing trouble.

True friends help you because they love you – Proverbs 17:17 says that, “A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” This means a true friend shows true concern for their friend’s welfare – that includes looking ahead – and won’t try to hurt his or her friend. A brother – one who is closer than a friend, even – is the kind who will always be there when rough times hit. However, there is a friend who will stick closer to you than a brother. (Prov. 18:24) A friend will tell the truth, even when it hurts (Prov. 27:6: “Faithful are the wounds of a friend”), because he or she knows that sometimes, that person will turn the wrong way, and need help finding their way back. That proverb goes on to state that the “kisses” of an enemy will be destructive.

Of course, that doesn’t mean that Roethlisberger’s friends aren’t true friends. For all we know, one may have stayed sober, and Roethlisberger refused to listen. But, if all of the had, they could have prevented him – physically, if need be – from going into a restroom and causing whatever to happen. So, at least some didn’t do their duty in helping him that night. But, they might be great guys normally. It does, however, show something important that we’ll get to in a minute.

First, however, the D.A. said drinking was involved. Statements say it led to something happening in a restroom. The young lady also needed friends helping her. Proverbs 27:17 says, “Iron sharpeneth iron, so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.” What that means is that a man or a woman who is a true friend will sharpen – that is, make better and help with things, such as one’s perspective on a situation – their friend just as iron sharpens iron; and, iron does the best job of sharpening another piece of iron. Too many people drink because they fall for the lies of our culture. It’s a lie that make them think they’re missing something, when they’re not. It’s much better to be able to remember what you did for one thing.

These people should not have had to rely on friends to begin with, of course. Roethlisberger was older, and should have known better. However, when temptation came, they should have been able to rely on friends who were with them. (Edit: It appears that the young lady did have a couple friends who tried to intervene, but becasue they waited, they couldn’t.)

Human friends aren’t the best to rely on. Human friends let us down at times. However, there is – as noted above – a friend that sticks closer than a brother at all times. That friend that always sticks closer than a brother is Jesus Christ.

Jesus Christ is God in flesh – He was God and man. (John 1:1, 14; John 10:30, etc.) He knows everything we’ve been through, because He has been through it Himself. Yet, He never sinned. He lived a perfect life. He died on the cross to take the punishment for each of our sins, and then rose victoriously from the dead.

He can live inside anyone if they just trust Him by simple faith to forgive them of their sins and come into their heart to change them, believing He took the punishment for them, personally. He lives in each believer through the Holy Spirit. When the veil in the Temple was torn from top to bottom, the Glory of God was free to move about the earth, because the curse of sin had been lifted. God is free to indwell every believer now.

First Corinthians 10:13 promises that no matter what we are tempted with, God will provide a means of escape that is how we rely on that friend – Jesus Christ – that sticks closer than a brother. We listen to Him in our hearts, through that still small voice, through Scripture that we’ve read, and so on.

Roethlisberger and/or that young woman might have Christ in them, of course. I’m not saying they don’t. If they do, however, they didn’t listen to Him. There is no temptation that any of us will face that many others haven’t faced before. However, God is faithful, and will always provide a means of escape.

He won’t be like a fireman pulling a person from a burning home, though. He gives us free will. He doesn’t want us to be mindless robots. And, sometimes, the only way we’ll listen, is if we’ve learned a painful lesson beforehand. Other people will listen without having to learn the hard way. Every person is different, and the Lord knows each one of us, and how to reach us.

What really happened in the Ben Roethlisberger case? We don’t know all the facts, and might never know. But, we know these general things:

1. There was a breakdown in behavior, either because Roethlisberger didn’t listen to that part of him saying not to do certain things, or he never learned that lesson. Whichever it is, that was sin; not just because he hurt someone, but because he turned away from doing what was right.

2. That act of turning away from what was right was made worse because human friends let him down. Isaiah 53:6 is among many verses that note that this happens, because we’re human. “All we like sheep have gone astray, we have turned each one to his own way, and the Lord hath laid on Him the iniquity of us all.”

3. Because human friends fail us, we need to rely on the one True Friend, the one who called His disciples friends.

4. Jesus loveth at all times, but whereas human friends can’t love with an agape love, He can. That means unconditional love – He will never leave you, nor forsake you. So, if you mess up, he won’t leave you stranded. He’ll always be there, waiting with open arms for you to turn back to Him. When one receives Him, that person is sealed with the Holy Spirit, which is the earnest of our redemption – it’s the down payment which says that we’ll have eternal life with Him someday. Because, we don’t just get eternal life someday with Him, He gives eternal life with Him right here on Earth.

For you to do that, though, you need to have Him in your heart to begin with. God restored the fellowship that was broken when sin entered the world, by reconciling us to Him. He wants to be your friend. And, each of us is only a single, sincere prayer of repentance away from having Him as a friend inside you, guiding and helping through everything in life.

MY NAME IS MARIE: I’M A RECOVERING ALCOHOLIC

It would be easy to blame a lack of Christian upbringing for my behavior. I could even point to an absentee father and a dysfunctional family and say they caused it.  In reality, it was the love of alcohol and my immoral behavior during my teen years that quickly propelled my life into a hopeless abyss from which I thought I would never recover.

When I was eight years old, my playmate told me about the fun things she did at church.  Since there was no fun in my life, I invited myself to attend church with her.  This was the first time I ever heard about God.  Also at eight years old, I became curious about the wine my mother was drinking.  I reasoned it must taste pretty good since she drank it so often.  So I began taking sips of it when she wasn’t looking.  I loved it immediately!

By fifteen, my girlfriend and I were routinely leaving our homes on Saturday nights crossing the nearby border into Mexico.  There, feeling very mature in our mini skirts and black, net stockings, we drank until we were drunk. I loved everything about alcohol – the way it tasted, the way it made me feel, and the power I thought it gave me.

Returning to her house to sleep, we found the nights too short.  For bright and early each Sunday morning, her father would wake us up, insisting since we had been drinking, we now needed to go to church.  Although aware of our drinking, members of the little church turned a blind eye to our appearance and the alcohol on our breath.  Instead they chose to love us anyway and encouraged us to continue coming.

The pastor would often say, “Marie, do you want to talk? How can we help you?  Are you ready to stop drinking?”  I wasn’t ready to stop, but I felt guilty because of how kind he was to me in spite of my condition.  Even reeling from a hangover, God spoke to me through his sermons.  No matter where I was, no matter my condition, He continued knocking on the door of my heart – wanting me to come to Him.

A tubal pregnancy at fifteen ended with the loss of my preborn child and nearly took my life as well.  In the years to come, this pregnancy would affect all efforts to become pregnant.

In my sober moments I would take a good look at my miserable existence.  “God, my life isn’t supposed to look like this.  Why is this happening?  What do you want from me?”  I wondered if I would ever be free from the powerful, dark forces controlling my life – this addiction to alcohol and the drugs I was also taking.

In 1992, at the age of twenty-four, I hit bottom.  In addition to everything else, I was now homeless.  Although embarrassed and ashamed of my condition, with no place else to go, I moved in with my father.  I somehow managed to stop drinking for one year, but with a poor choice of friends, sobriety did not last long.

Jim, a frequent customer where I worked, recognized my condition and spoke encouraging words to me each time he saw me.  “Take it one day at a time.  Look to God for your strength.  You can do it.  God can help you.”  I didn’t realize the words he spoke were those he heard at his Alcoholics Anonymous meetings.  One day he said, “Marie, you look horrible.  You just can’t go on like this.  Let me pick you up this evening after work and take you some place where you can get help.”  With no idea what he meant or where we would go, I agreed.  He took me to a meeting place for recovering alcoholics.  That night, I determined to get sober and stay sober.  Step one was to attend those meetings on a regular basis.

Shortly thereafter I was transferred to the late night shift at work.  That meant I was at work while the bars were open.  I truly believe it was God Who rearranged my schedule to put the temptation of alcohol even farther from me.

After a year of encouragement from the meetings, I finally began seeking God with all my heart.  From my first introduction to God, I never doubted His existence and never stopped talking to Him.  I had asked Him to be my Savior in the past.  Now I was asking from my heart.  I had no idea what the future would hold, but was certain He was real and that His hand was on my life.

From all I’ve experienced, I should be dead by now, but instead I’ve been given life – a life of sobriety these past fifteen years.  During this time, I have seen God do a tremendous work in my life.  Now I know what the Bible means when it says, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come.” (2 Cor. 5:17 NIV).

I praise God for doing that for me.

Also see Alcohol Abuse, Temptation on www.SuccessAndFailure.net