Success and Failure Blog

God has high ideals for each one of us and he is concerned how high priority we place our houses, families and relationships with him. Whoever  is committed to work more and more  and very least committed to be around  God and their  families such person is called  being workaholic and such people  are addicted to their work the same way as an alcoholic person  is addicted to alcohol. One can not ignore work nor his family commitments. But it has to be balanced perfectly fairly and rightly. Before everything we need to have a right relationship and quite time with God and seek him first, and then God will work out everything for good when we rely on him and walk according to his ways rather than pursuing everything with our own selfish and foolish wisdom. In Psa 127:2 says “It is vain for you to rise up early, to retire late, To eat the bread of painful labors; For He gives to His beloved even in his sleep. God gives us the gift of grace and blessing on our domestic lives if we’ve committed our way to Him”..
Pro 3:6 says “In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight”.
a) A Godly man and a husband: No man can be a good Christian unless he is a good father, a good husband and a good citizen and a good spiritual leader in his home .He first will have the proper relationship with God and then his family. He follows God, makes every effort to be at home, to lead, guide, teach and counsel his children. He loves his wife sacrificially like the Christ loved the church, he is kind, understanding, trustworthy, faithful, honest, truthful, committed, considerate and patient towards his wife. Eph. 5:25-28 says “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself”. 1 Peter 3:7 says: “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.” Marriages that are built on God’s terms will be happy and committed and the couples are able to live together “till death do they part fulfilling Gods purpose in their lives.
b) Families today: In Today’s society more families have ignored Godly principles for their life and families. Many men have become selfish, weak and wimpy have engaged themselves to be too workaholic at the expense of their families. When they come home tired after working or during week ends they would either find the things to be busy themselves either on computer or some favorite TV shows or supporting their basketball, footfall, golf, or some other sports than raising their children with great Godly morals and values  or spending time with their wife and kids. All these will distract the person to be away from God and family. As we all know that there are just -too many things available in the world to distract us but we need to remind ourselves that that being busy and being spiritual effectiveness do not go well together.
Many people have little time or no time to spend with their wife and children. As a result wife and children are left alone. For Many men in our society work is more important than family. In pursuing selfish pleasure, material things, money, work, career they are failing in fulfilling their spiritual responsibility and have ignored their responsibility of being a loving husband and Father of children. To be a loving husband and Father of children it takes many responsibilities, sacrifices in the family.  Matt. 6:33, says, “Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added.”
There are many things that can be done together and should be done together to bind tighter the unity of the family. God’s plan for the training of children is in the two parents, the husband and wife. Family is complete with both present, both being a good example and both being role models for their children. Parenting is a team effort. Parents who live contradicting lives will destroy the stable life of their children. When parents fail to stay in God’s plan for family and life they will not be in a position to lead their children in obtaining the godly goals in their life.

c)Consequences of not spending family time: As a result of neglecting  their marriage and their family ,children are left to raise themselves , some of the parents have even dumped their responsibilities to grand parents, wives, day cares, schools , Sunday schools, churches  etc which eventually has lead to dysfunctional families  . And such families will look solution  outside the bible for guidances and sources such as media, Godless society, ungodly friends and advisers for values and direction and becomes failure in all they do at the end.
American families and marriages are falling apart, divorce rate has increased tremendously, some family members  have even fallen into the trap of alternative lifestyles ,they are living a stressful lives, strife  and hurtings, health problems have increased which affects them physically,mentally,emotionally and spiritually as well, immorality  such as perversions, fornication adultery , violence, promiscuity etc, have increased , many of them are addicted  to smoking, tobacco, drug addictions  etc to relieve their  stress and the lost love and affection , criminal activities have become common , families are living daily  in continual conflicts, family breakups, extreme feminism have become the substitution to  traditional family with Godly values. Bible is full of family values and how God designed the family to function.
Their life instead of being filled with warmthness, closeness, family bond, love, they have replaced with work, career, making money, selfish talents, pleasures and richness. They have made their personal family life style as business lifestyles.
Many man and women often forget these verses from Gods word and they force themselves so hard to work above everything.1st Timothy 6:10 tells us that the love of money is the root of ALL evil. Workaholic pursues his career at the expense of his family. Arrogance, self-righteousness replaces the righteousness of God, Rom. 10:3.
Psa 127:1 says  A Song of Ascents, of Solomon. Unless the LORD builds the house, They labor in vain who build it; Unless the LORD guards the city, The watchman keeps awake in vain. Proverbs 3:24 says : The Lord’s curse is on the house of the wicked,but he blesses the home of the righteous.” In (Genesis 2:1–2) God worked six days and rested on the seventh,  shows that God expects us to take  rest. At the end often people will realize that there is no greater joy than to be around your family and childrens.

Especially with today’s much more mobile society, where people don’t have as much time to know each toher, many couples consider living together before marriage – which some studies say doesn’t increase the divorce rate much. However, others say it does..

Instead of looking at studies which go back and forth, can be read any way one wants, and can be flawed, it’s better to look at the truth. After all, if I have a rule that says I get the last cookie for some reason, and you have a rule that says you get the last cookie for a different reason, we can’t both get the last cookie. God’s Word, however, has spelled out rules that we can live by, however, for our benefit, so there is peace. That’s far better than all the drama and bickering of today’s world.

There are people, of course, who take the extreme that it’s just a euphemism for fornication. However, that isn’t necessarily the case. The Bible clearly says intercourse is to be only between a husband and a wife in marriage. They should treasure and enjoy sex only with each other.

There are people who have strong enough will power to avoid it. Such people will always make sure one leaves the bathroom before the other enters. They will avoid seeing each other in the buff or anything else that will tempt them to have sex with each other, and so on. They will do whatever they need to avoid the temptation to have sex before marriage, including, of course, having separate bedrooms. I know people look back longingly to “Leave it to Beaver” and other shows where a married couple had separate beds, but I believe this hurt the notion of family. A married couple should be shown enjoying each other, though it doesn’t need to be the intimacy level of “The Cosby Show.” And, even it wonderfully taught the idea “One man, one woman, one life,” especially with something like that the final line in one special episode. But, that’s another topic, and I can understand others’ views on married couples on TV, too.

Or, is it another topic? A couple that is living together before marriage, even if they do all of the above, and pretend to be like Ward and June Cleaver except not married, is still going against other rules, rules which God established to help us.

There are good reasons not to do it, not counting what the Bible says, but here are 4 good Biblical reasons why the Bible says it’s wrong, even if living arrangements aren’t specifically mentioned:

1. We should *never* tempt a weaker brother to sin. (1 Corinthians 8 ) Paul writes speaking of eating meat sacrificed to idols, but let’s put this in a omdern context. Person gets saved from a life of alcoholism. She can’t go into a restaurant with a bar in it without being tempted to go back into her former lifestyle. Her friends may be able to go to such a place easily, but if they drag her in there, they are sinning. Why, she is a weaker sister. (This is a true story of a woman I know who taught Sunday School 44 years after being saved, and never went into a restaurant with a bar, for the reason given.)

If a weaker couple, who can’t avoid giving in to their hormones, sees a stronger couple living together before marriage, they may try it. Unwatned pregnancies can result, or STDs, or just very broken hearts, because they were tempted to do what they saw that stronger couple do. When that stronger couple should have avoided living together to show a good example.

1.5 Yes, kids, adults must also show a good example, too. This reason is especially important because we are being watched by our children all the time. While this could have been listed as a separate reason, it is here because children are looking at our lives.

Children need to see consistency. Anytime they see people moving in and out, it creates more chaos, which leads to problems, as noted in <a href=”“>this blog, also linked above.

2. Living together tempts God. Jesus says that it is writtent hat we shouldn’t tempt the Lord to let us go off into our sinful lifestyle. And, as much as a strong couple tries, just one slip can lead to that sin of fornication. Look at King David with he just saw Bathsheba bathing one night. Instead of turning away, he just let his desires get the best of him.

3. We should abstain from all appearances of evil. Instead of being like the world’s system, which says to do our own thing, we should strive for individuality within the rules. Because, we are all unique, and have special traits, but these traits should be used to help others, not for our own selfish reasons. They should be used to help us accept each other in the things which aren’t important (like leaving the toilet seat up) while striving to follow those absolute truths which God created for our benefit.

This uniqueness leads to my final point:

4. We must put our faith in God, not in ourselves.

Let’s face it – feelings change all the time. A couple should put their whole trust in God, including for the right mate. Living together to see if it works means you trust your changeable feelings. Trusting only in your own thoughts and feelings is also false pride. We can feel we love someone one minute and not the next.

Indeed, we can feel we love someone’s looks one minute, and in 50 years, they’re all wrinkled up like prunes, they have serious medical issues, and we may have to go so far as to stay home and provide around the clock care.

When you look at your crush, you need to ask yourself, is this really someone you can see being with your whole life, even if they’re old, fat, and ugly? If you’re caringfor them around the clock?

Couples who stay together despite these obstacles do so becuase they are such close friends they’ve discussed all their ins and outs. They have no secrets. They know they’re the only one for each other; they wouldn’t accept *any* other, no matter how lovely.

They let their love for each other grow once they marry if they missed one of those little things – if one squeezes the toothpaste tube from the center all the time, for instance.

that’s where faith in God comes in. The above would actually make pretty much sense int he secular world, too, but think about it. God has a plan for your life. A plan which may or may not include a perfect mate. But, He has provided that perfect one for you becuase he loves you more than you can imagine. He wants you to experience that joy that comes from someone who truly completes you. That’s why Eve was taken from Adam’s side. A true mate should complete us. Until that time, we should trust God to do that for us. And, even afterward, God must be at the head of a marriage for it to work perfectly.

If we trust in ourselves, though, we can easily find ourselves witht he wrong partner. Yes, it’s more difficult in a more mobile society, if we go by man’s reasoning. But, not if we go by God’s. Because, god knows everything, and knows all about you. He knows what each of us needs; He just wants us to be humble enough to accept we can’t do it on our own.

Of course, the biggest thing that humbling ourselves must be with is our own sin. See, we all sin, and come short of the glory of God. His perfect love is mingled with His perfect justic, which says He must punish sin. The wages of sin is death – eternal separation from God forever in a place called Hell. but, the gift of God is eternal life through jesus Christ our Lord.

It’s a free gift. It’s one He wants you to have. And, you only have to receive it by faith. For while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

How do you do that? Simply believe ont he Lord Jesus Christ – heart knowledge – and thou shalt be saved. that means to put your whole turst that Christ died for your sins, taking your punishment, according tot he Scriptures, that He was buried,a dn that He rose again the third day, according tot he Scriptures.

He did that for you. He paid the whole price to not only get you to His perfect Heaven, but also to let you have a great life with Him on earth. He will live inside you once you receive Him as your Savior and turn from your sins, inviting Him into your heart. he lives in you through the Holy Spirit, guiding you lovingly in the right way. Including, possibly, to that one true love. And, He will provide everything you need to now that mate without having to live together to do it. Just seek first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you.

Michele Fritzler is the sister of my first love, Barry Henriot who died of a brain aneurysm when I was 22 and he was 25 back in 1982.  After his death I “adopted” his mom (Ruth) and father (Al) and had dinner with them every Sunday for a few years until Ruth and Al moved up to Oregon to be closer to their daughter, Michele,  in 1991. Barry and Michele’s dad, Al died in 1994.

Even though I have only seen Michele less than a hand full of few times, we have come to accept each other as “sisters” because of our mutual love for her family and especially Barry.  He has been gone for so long that there is barely anyone remaining in her life that ever knew him; making his existence in the past that much more unreal. It was with panic last December that I realized that I had lost her mom’s mailing address and phone number and was desperately hoping that I would get her annual Christmas card so I could tell her that my book was going to be published with a dedication in it to Barry that I had put in there more almost 30 years ago.

I fired off a letter to her the next day asking her to call me and that I had something important to tell them. To my relief I got to speak with Ruth on 12/15/08 and let her know that the story I had worked on for so many years was going to be published.  Ruth sounded like her old sweet self but much more frail.  I promised to send her a copy of the first book off the press as soon as I got it.  In early January 2009 I mailed a copy of The Victor to Ruth who was now living with Michele and a few weeks later I got an urgent email from Michele asking me to call because she had lost my phone number.  With dread I called and Michele told me the news which just broke my heart.  Ruth had died about a week earlier and my book had arrived on the day of her funeral.  I couldn’t help but burst into tears.  Ruth Henriot had been like a second mother to me and she had never gotten to see the book dedicated to her long gone son, Barry, who I had loved dearly.

Last August I got to see Michele for perhaps only the third time in my life but it was just like being with family.  We talked for hours and reminnisced.  Michele is the only member left of the Henriot family but like me, we hope to all be reunited again.  This story is my gift to her.

More Than a Memory

The rain came down in heavy drops and in only moments, Michele’s hair and clothes were drenched.  Living in Oregon for years, she never carried an umbrella (only the tourists did) and put up with the constant rain like everyoe else.

Now rivulets of cold rain water were beginning to run down inside her collar and drench her from the inside out. She needed to take cover.  To her right was a revolving door leading into a Starbucks and without a second thought she ducked in for a quick respite and a  white chocolate raspberry latte to warm her up.

The site that greeted her eyes paralyzed and completely disoriented her.  She blinked, rubbed her eyes and shook her head, her mouth gaping as her surroundings refused to change back into reality.  Before her was the living room of her Huntington Beach home the way it looked when she had lived there with her brother, Barry.  Immediately tears sprang into her eyes with the familiar ache that clutched her heart.

“Is that you Michele?” sang a voice from the kitchen.  The beloved voice sent a thrill through her heart and her voice caught in her throat. Had she fallen unconscious? Was she having a dream?   Having received no response, Ruth poked her head through the doorway. “Cat got your tongue?” she grinned at her dumbstruck daughter.

Michele’s mouth moved but no sound would come out as she stared at the face of her dear mother who had passed away just under a year ago.  At that moment a figure walked up behind her and pinched her in the ribs, making her scream. She whirled around and standing there alive and as if he had never aged, was her brother Barry.

He grinned at her and gave her a bear hug but there was no feedback from the hearing aids he used to always wear.  He stepped back and pointed at his head with a lopsided grin. “I hear great now!”

Michele’s eyes traveled hungrily up and down the length of him. Same wavy brown hair, twinkly eyes, mischievous grin, dimples and plaid flannel shirt with the sleeves rolled up as if 25 plus years had never passed.  The tears now spilled down her cheeks unabated and a sob of joy caught in her throat. With a look of understanding compassion on his face, Barry enfolded her into his arms and let her sob.  Michele could barely hear the familiar footsteps behind her on the floor and then her mom’s arms were about her.

“Al, just don’t sit there watching the game, get in here!” Ruth yelled.  At that, Michele pulled back and turned around to see her father stride towards them, his arms held out wide. She flew into them, crying even harder.

“There now,” soothed her mom in her wonderful accent. “Do you really want to spend your entire visit with us crying? You’re scaring Sonny!”

“Meooooww!” agreed the gorgeous Himalayan cat, entering the room. This was all just too much!

“I don’t understand!” was all Michele could manage, shaking uncontrollably.  Al, Ruth, Barry and even Sonny all stared at her in sympathy. “Am I dreaming or dead?”

“Neither!” chorused all (except Sonny) in unison. “This is a gift, sis.” Explained Barry gesturing to the family dinner table laden with a Thanksgiving turkey and all the fixings. “The Lord thought you’d enjoy one more day and meal with us all together again.”

Michele clutched at her heart. It was all too much to take in and yet she couldn’t deny it was what she had secretly longed for more often than she could say but there was still something missing.  A lot of “somethings”.  As if on cue, the doorbell rang.

“I’ll get it!” cried Barry with a wink in his sister’s direction and bounded over to the door.  He opened it up to reveal Michele’s husband, Dave, and all their kids.

“Uncle Barry!” they all shrieked, not the least bit shocked or bewildered.  Barry hugged and pounded Dave on the back with glee and hugged each of Michele’s kids in turn as if he had known them all his life.  They in turn hugged his neck with equal glee and then everyone circled around the table and grabbed each other’s hands.

Marlayne, Barry + Kitten 1982

“Barry, would you lead us all in thanks to the Lord?” smiled Ruth, winking at Michele.

“I was hoping you’d ask!” Barry grinned. At that everyone bowed their heads as Michele’s beloved brother led them all in a prayer of thanksgiving for a reunited family that was separated only by the very thinnest veil of eternity.

THE END