Success and Failure Blog

A Model Believer – Paul

I think we could all agree that Paul was the greatest preacher who ever lived (besides Jesus, of course). Not only did he preach with his lips, but he also preached with his life. In other words, he wasn’t a hypocrite. He practiced what he preached. And probably one of the best lessons we can learn from Paul is how to be happy and content in the midst of difficult circumstances.

Paul was certainly no stranger to hard times. He was imprisoned countless times, stoned, shipwrecked, beaten, rejected, and ridiculed. Yes, if anyone knew about hard times, it was Paul. Yet look at some of his writings:

Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. - Philippians 4:11

Then Agrippa said unto Paul, Thou art permitted to speak for thyself. Then Paul stretched forth the hand, and answered for himself: I think myself happy, king Agrippa, because I shall answer for myself this day before thee touching all the things whereof I am accused of the Jews: – Acts 26:1-2

And the multitude rose up together against them: and the magistrates rent off their clothes, and commanded to beat them. And when they had laid many stripes upon them, they cast them into prison, charging the jailor to keep them safely: Who, having received such a charge, thrust them into the inner prison, and made their feet fast in the stocks. And at midnight Paul and Silas prayed, and sang praises unto God: and the prisoners heard them. – Acts 16:22-25

And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not. – Galatians 6:9

And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong. – II Corinthians 12:9-10

Content. Happy. Singing. This is not the response we expect from a man who has been through so much. We expect bitterness and complaints, not thanksgiving and praises. But still, I think he tops it all in the following verse.

For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory. – II Corinthians 4:17

Light affliction? I don’t consider shipwrecks or beatings to be light afflictions. What did Paul know that would allow him to stay so positive despite the constant trouble that surrounded him? Actually, it isn’t so much what he knew but what he believed and focused on. He didn’t just know that God would work all things according to His plan; Paul believed it and acted on that belief. Many times we hear Paul speak of pressing toward the mark or striving to reach a goal. That was the secret to Paul’s success. He didn’t focus on the here and now. He looked to the future.

While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal. – II Corinthians 4:18

Paul had the attitude of “Who cares what happens to me on this earth? This body is temporary. What matters is that I do everything I can to make an eternal difference in as many lives as I can. There is a higher purpose than my comfort and convenience.” And that, my friend, is the attitude we must take is we want to be truly happy and content in this life. We have to stop focusing on what we think would be best for us and allow God to have his way in our lives. We need not be concerned with fame or riches but with reaching a lost and dying world and sharing the news that Jesus saves.

Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. – Philippians 3:13-14

A while back I gave a guy something he needed in his home. I think I was as blown away by his reaction as he was by getting it. He tried to pay me what he could and kept saying said he owed me. I assured him he owed me nothing and need not pay me back, it was a gift, no strings attached (no he didn’t need to listen to me preach before he could leave either).

So there’s the economy we carry from material world to every other part of our lives. We think that everything comes at a price. Trust me I’m just getting used to this myself. It’s kind of the “love without condition” carried further. If by doing something for you, I expect (even eventually) something in return, maybe it’s just your friendship, or admiration, then I’m not doing it for you at all, I’m just bartering for something for myself.

I think giving is easier with strangers, maybe people you will never see again, do a random act of kindness and walk away, never expecting to see them again, and they can never pay you back. It seems a lot harder among acquaintances, maybe hardest in relationships. We’ve been raised in this “point” system; I help you with your car, later when my computer dies you help me.

In relationships, try to remember the beginning, think back to when just being with that person was the goal, didn’t matter what you were doing, just being around them was enough. Let a relationship last long enough and we tend to put it to the “point system” more and more it becomes what we’ve done for the other or what we can do, or vise versa “what have you done for me lately” or “look at all I do for you and what do I get in return?” well if you’re looking for something in return you weren’t really doing it for the other person were you?. As our relationships with God are compared to a marriage I think we tend to go down the same path, we forget where our faith began, when just knowing he was there was enough.

I’m not throwing out acts of love or intentionality that come naturally through love. But if you buy your wife flowers on valentines merely BECAUSE it’s Valentines Day, it is in your heart, an empty gesture, really, just acting out of obedience or obligation. The same can apply to our faith lives.

So now I get to the point where I may be wrong. But… we are told to go out and spread the Gospel… Gospel means “good news” I’m pretty sure the good news isn’t “well Christ died on the cross now you should feel guilty and not do anything wrong and make sure you read your bible 5 times a day and here’s a check list of do’s and don’ts”.. I’m pretty sure the Good news is the price is paid, “it is finished” not “hey, now the ledger shows you in the red so you owe me”.

If left to our own devices, we would fail miserably, every time. Yes we may think that we are successful: a fat bank account, a house, cars, good social life, but these are all empty rewards. They will fade eventually. Sadly they will also serve as a distraction from what our Father in heaven would have us do. At first, we may see these things as blessings, especially if we have been down for sometime, and have prayed earnestly for God to intervene in our lives, and rightly so, they are. The new job, a car, a home, even a small windfall that helps to catch up your debts.

Eventually the want for more will begin to consume us as we enter the race to keep up with the Joneses. We become dissatisfied with what we have striving for more to build our mountains of wealth and gain. We forget where these gifts come from and perhaps begin to pride yourself on your gains. Subsequently, you forget about thanking He from whom all this comes from, and you begin to see yourself as the creator of your fortune. You credit your skills, talents, and intelligence, and rightly so, they have helped a great deal. But don’t forget where you obtained those attributes. God is our Father, because He is our Maker, and he alone is the credit for all of our possessions. He will allow you all the freedom you want, but be prepared, He will pull the rug out from under you, and you may lose all, like Job. He is only trying to get your attention though. Not to hurt you, but to show you how fragile these material things can be.

God loves us, and He doesn’t want us to suffer, but He will allow you some heartache, if you have strayed too far. Just read about the people of Jerusalem in the Old Testament, and they were His chosen.

Jeremiah 29:11-”I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope, and a future.”

These words mean so much, “I know the plans I have for you..”  He knows what will become of your life. He knows when you will succeed, He knows when you will fail. Can you say that of yourself? We all make plans, long term, short term. But these are only hopes and dreams. We don’t know what will happen tomorrow, much less next week. Only God, who is omniscient, knows from day to day. He knows because it’s His plan.

Isaiah 14:24 - ”The Lord [has] sworn ”Surely as I have thought, so it will be, and as I have spoke so it will stand,”

Indeed we are given free will, but really that is a misnomer. We are free to live as we see fit according to our lives and lifestyle, but isn’t “as we see fit” being disobedient to Him? We are not living as He would like, according to His will for our lives. He wants us to listen to Him, to ask of Him, to connect with Him and in turn, He will provide for us:

Matt 7:11 – “if you being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in Heaven, give good things to them that ask?

All He asks of you is an obedient relationship with Him.

God bless you all.

Become the man God intended you to be with the excellent book by Dr Tony Evans that addresses some of the pitfalls Christian men face today

Key #9 to Happiness – Putting God First

We all have priorities in life.  When it comes to happiness people all have different goals, needs, hopes and desires.  What makes one person happy may not even come close to satisfying another.  Whatever is most important to us will always come first in our lives.  That which we love the most will always be our highest priority.  The things and people that bring us joy and happiness will always get the most of our time and attention.   So, the question is this, what matters most to you?  What is the first priority of your life? Is it your family, children, career, money, material things?  Is it achieving fame or status?  Maybe your appearance is most important to you?   First identify what you are actually putting first in your life.  Discover why it so important to put God first and what happens when other things and people come before God.  Lastly learn specific ways to put God first and help you begin to put God first in your life right away.

Lamentations 3:40 (New International Version)

Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the LORD.

Psalm 26:2 (New International Version)

Test me, O LORD, and try me, examine my heart and my mind;

Identifying what you really put first in your life:

Learning what your true priorities are in life is really pretty simple to do.  Start by asking yourself this, “what do I spend my time, energy and effort on most?”  If you have to, grab a piece of paper and pen and roughly write out a list of what you generally do each day, from start to finish, first thing in the morning to bedtime.   Can you recognize any patterns or things of special interest? Whatever you devote most of your time, money, energy, and efforts to is what you are putting first in your life.  God knows the truth and He knows your heart.  He knows what means the most to you and where you’re true devotion lies.

Deuteronomy 6:5 (New International Version)

Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.

Jeremiah 17:10 (New International Version)

“I the LORD search the heart and examine the mind, to reward a man according to his conduct, according to what his deeds deserve.”

Do not worry God is so full of love.  God is faithful to forgive us.

1 John 1:9 (New International Version)

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

Putting God first is important for obtaining happiness:

Putting God first is extremely important for many reasons, but one of those reasons is that it does produce happiness in our lives.  The reason we should put God first is because of our love for Him.  We should find happiness and joy in putting God first.  Happiness is not the reason or the motive it is the reward, it is the harvest, and it is the blessing.  How exciting and wonderful this is.  Our reward for making God our first priority is happiness and joy and blessings.

Psalm 37:4 (New International Version)

Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.

If you delight in the Lord he will give you the desires of your heart.  There is true happiness in delighting in the Lord.

Psalm 35:9 (New International Version)

Then my soul will rejoice in the LORD and delight in his salvation

Psalm 65:4

Blessed (happy, fortunate, to be envied) is the man whom You choose and cause to come near, that he may dwell in Your courts! We shall be satisfied with the goodness of Your house, Your holy temple.

Psalm 112:1 (Amplified Bible)

PRAISE THE Lord! (Hallelujah!) Blessed (happy, fortunate, to be envied) is the man who fears (reveres and worships) the Lord, who delights greatly in His commandments.

Matthew 6:32-34 (Amplified Bible)

For the Gentiles (heathen) wish for and crave and diligently seek all these things, and your heavenly Father knows well that you need them all.  But seek ([a]aim at and strive after) first of all His kingdom and His righteousness ([b]His way of doing and being right), and then all these things [c]taken together will be given you besides. So do not worry or be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will have worries and anxieties of its own. Sufficient for each day is its own trouble.

Putting God first is more than a goal to keep in mind.  Putting God first is the main ingredient to happiness. Without God being first in your life the recipe for happiness will not ever come out right. No matter how hard you try, you can not make yourself happy and other people (all in themselves) can not make you happy either. It also makes sense that no inanimate thing can bring happiness either. Only God can give us an abundant and fruitful life.

The outcome of failing to put God first in our lives:

When we fail to put God first we fail miserably.  We do not reach happiness.  We then turn to other things and try to replace the missing ingredient in our lives.  We turn to habits, addictions, we try to fill our time and entertain our minds and we seek alternate means of pleasure.  We discover that nothing else could ever be enough.  It is like trying to bake a cake without flour.  It is like a turkey sandwich without turkey.  It could never satisfy because it is missing the main ingredient!

God wants for us to seek Him first and to delight in Him.  He wants to be the one to give us happiness, joy and abounding blessings!  When we try to please ourselves or seek out happiness on our own apart from God, not only do fail to find it, we also slip farther and farther away from Him and our only real hope of happiness. We end up angry, sad, depressed and feeling unloved and unaccepted.

Cain is not a favorite of most people.  He is known and remembered for killing his brother Abel out of cold blood.  We can actually learn a lot from the story.  Take a moment and read it.

Genesis 4

AND ADAM knew Eve as his wife, and she became pregnant and bore Cain; and she said, I have gotten and gained a man with the help of the Lord.  And [next] she gave birth to his brother Abel. Now Abel was a keeper of sheep, but Cain was a tiller of the ground.  And in the course of time Cain brought to the Lord an offering of the fruit of the ground.  And Abel brought of the firstborn of his flock and of the fat portions. And the Lord had respect and regard for Abel and for his offering, But for Cain and his offering He had no respect or regard. So Cain was exceedingly angry and indignant, and he looked sad and depressed.  And the Lord said to Cain, Why are you angry? And why do you look sad and depressed and dejected?  If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin crouches at your door; its desire is for you, but you must master it.

Cain felt dejected, and when God did not respect or accept his offering it made him exceedingly angry and indignant, and he looked sad and depressed.  This is the same outcome for us when we fail to put God first.  We end up allowing sin to master us and we achieve the exact opposite of happiness.

Specific ways to put God first in your life:

In looking at the story of Cain again we read that God saw how Cain was behaving, and He noticed how Cain was feeling.  He came to Him in love much the way any loving parent would go to their child.  He asked Cain why he was feeling that way, even though He all ready knew the answer. He questioned Cain saying, “If you do well, will you not be accepted?”  He also explained that if he didn’t do well he was only opening himself up to trouble.  Sin is there waiting at our door, it desires us but we must master it through Christ Jesus.

Here are some specific things we can do to put God first, but be creative, and find new ways to show God you love Him and you are so happy and full of joy because of Him.  The basic idea is to put Gods will above your own.  If you really want to you can think of endless ways to demonstrate how much God really means to you.

Keys to happiness exercise:

1. Read the Word of God and desire to do well and follow God’s commands.  Find happiness and joy and take delight in God.
2. Begin each day in devotion to God.  In prayer, study, and praise.  Offer God your first time.  It is a very special time of day to seek God and pray.  We are rested and alert and blessed to have a new day.
3. Offer thanks to God for your food and drink and give God of your first fruits.  Be sure to give to God and toward the Kingdom of God. Give as Abel gave.  Give God of your first and best.  Give with a glad heart and offer up your praises to God too.
4. Trust God to provide your heart’s desires and all of your needs.  God promises that if we seek the kingdom of God first that God will make sure to provide all we need.
5. Seek God first in all aspects of your life.  Seek God first in regard to relationships, finances, dreams, hopes and desires, in your career and in every part of your life.
6. Attend Church (if you don’t all ready)
7. Begin a spiritual journal devoted to bible study and prayer.

In conclusion, God loves you and wants you to be happy.  God wants to provide you with all you need and even your heart’s desire.  God has proved His great love to us by giving His only Begotten Son so that our sins might be forgiven and so that we can have life everlasting in Christ Jesus.  He gave His ALL for all of us.  Jesus gave His all.  He willingly and lovingly gave His life on the cross as a perfect, sinless sacrifice for our sins.  There is no greater love than the love of God.  His love, His salvation, His happiness and joy are all gifts from God to you.  All you have to do is believe it, accept it, confess it and live it.   Begin to put God first right now and begin to live life more abundantly!

John 3:16 (New International Version)

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

John 6:47 (New International Version)

I tell you the truth, he who believes has everlasting life.

John 10:10 (New International Version)

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

Previous Happiness Lessons:

How to find Happiness – 15 Lesson Series – Overview

How to find Happiness – Introduction

How to find Happiness – Key #1 – A relationship with God

How to find Happiness – Key #2 – Being Thankful

How to find Happiness – 15 Lesson Series – Overview

How to find Happiness - Key #4 – Learning How to forgive others

How to find Happiness - Key #5 – Living in the present

How to find Happiness - Key #6 – Overcoming fear

How to find Happiness - Key #7 – Giving of your money

How to find Happiness - Key #8 – Giving of your time

May you find happiness through giving of yourself!  Check in next week for another key to happiness.  Get notified via e-mail

Key #8 to Happiness – Giving of your time.

Personally, it’s easier for me to give of my money than my time.  As a busy person, and who isn’t?  When I get home from work or fantasize about a restful weekend, the last thing I want to do is pile on additional obligations that might compromise my well-deserved R&R.  Now of course, a good balance of work, play and rest is an important part of life.

Giving of your time as a volunteer:

Sometimes we can feel overwhelmed by thinking that our measly efforts can’t really make a big impact.  We see the immensity of the need in the world and the pitiful smallness of our own contribution, and end up wondering if I have the ability to make any difference at all.  I remember when I got involved with a local homeless shelter that had 100 beds.  I thought, wow – 100 beds!  This is a huge operation!  It sounded like we were helping a significant number of desperately needy people.  But then I heard that there were over 15,000 homeless people within that same valley.  I couldn’t believe it!  The percentage we were helping was pathetically small compared to the magnitude of the need.  I mentioned this to the shelter’s director and he said, “Yes, but as small as our efforts are, they make a huge difference to the 100 people who we daily feed and provide food and safe shelter for their families.”

It never fails.  When I try to bless people by helping out, I inevitably find myself blessed more than those I am supposedly helping.   But wait – are their needs real or am I just making them up so I can jump in and feel like a hero?  No, some peoples’ situations are desperate and they really do need help.  But the depth of humility and satisfaction that God blesses me with exceeds the degree of my contribution by so far that I often wonder – who is really ministering to whom?

Being able to participate in the delivery of real basic needs to truly needy people gives you a sense of gratitude, happiness and thanksgiving for all the blessings in your life.  I promise you, by getting involved, you will develop a passion for the needy.

You don’t have to work with the homeless to be a volunteer.   There are many worthwhile causes and organizations that serve the community…and they all need your help.  Look for an organization you can believe in and figure out a way to serve.  You will be blessed…guaranteed!

Look for a local ministry first.  Here is a great website that lists additional organizations.  http://www.charitynavigator.org/

Here is what the Bible has to say about serving others:

A couple years ago I was on mission in Mexico. On the final night the Church we were partnering with had a long service. On this night my friend decided to buy a ice cold coke for a young local girl (maybe 9). This being a rare treat for her she gladly took it but nursed it down slowly. Later in the church service she pulled the bottle out, She offered a drink the same man who bought it earlier. He knew by now it had been shaken in dance,was room temp (close to 90), and maybe 50% backwash.

What a parable, God gives us everything, absolutely everything we have. We take it we use it and then we “offer” it to God, like it is something great. when in all reality it’s just a warm flat soda.

So to finish the story, My friend took the Coke and took a drink with a smile, not out of duty or guilt, but knowing this was all She had, and all she had to ofter, and she offered it in Love.

I know God Does the same thing. He accepts what we offer in joy, when we are offering in love, not just out of duty or ceremony.

Key #7 to Happiness – The Quality Giving of Your Money

I have learned that money is not fun for most people because most people do not realize that you have to understand it and if you are negative about money, or are consumed by it, you are never going to be happy or have a lot of it.  Your financial plans are never going to succeed.

And it does not matter if you make $20,000 per year or $100,000.  The principal still applies.

If you find yourself searching for more happiness, stability and growth in your financial health, consider what the Bible has to say about money.  There is a wealth of information found there, as well as a number of valuable lessons.

And what about happiness?  Is it possible to find it in the midst of financial turmoil or the everyday mundane living of life?  Oh, yes, I believe it can and countless scores of other people do also.

What I have for you today are three Keys to the Quality Giving of Your Money.  They work because they are personal.  And when you dealing with your own finances, you must make it personal or it will never work.

Key #1 Help Others by Helping Yourself

Money should not be your master and it should not control you.  Effective Christian financial planning uses the tools provided by God as a way to meet your needs – not the “gotta haves”. There is only to be one master and that is God, not Mammon (who was the god of money).

So what do you do when the ends do not meet?  Or you have nothing extra to give?  The first thing is to take a look at your monthly expenses and figure out ways to reduce them.  Live simply.

Are you always on the lookout for ways to save money?  Do you have a personal spending plan (budget) and are faithful in its execution?  Do you tithe?  Helping yourself by being able to say yes to all three of these questions will ensure you continue to be able to help others and happiness will reign.

Key #2  Do Your Finances Reflect Your Faith?

In today’s modern world, the idea of tithes and offerings to God in Christian finances has fallen by the wayside.  Many are struggling financially, and the idea of relinquishing some of your financial wealth or possessions simply does not seem like good financial sense.

However, it is not about the giving his own money to the Lord, but rather an act of returning it to the original owner.  All things exist through His grace, and therefore in truth, the wealth that you have, you keep only as a steward upon his behalf.  When a Christian chooses not to tithe and give offerings, he is in fact stealing from God.

Will a man rob God?  Yet ye have robbed me.  But ye say, ‘Wherein have we robbed thee?  In tithes and offerings.  Ye are cursed with a curse, for ye have robbed me, even this whole nation. Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the Lord of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessings that there shall not be room enough to receive it.  Malachi 3:8-10

Aside from not stealing from God, the passage in Malachi quoted above provides a very real incentive.

Whatever is returned to God, he will return back yet again in good measure, pressed down, and shaken together and running over, shall men give into your bosom.  For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again. Luke 6:38

Wow, sounds like an incredible recipe for happiness to me!

Key #3 You Cannot Out-Give God

God gives us life. There cannot be any more giving than that, but he took it a step further and not only gave life to US, but gave US HIS own life so that we could be saved. This is the ultimate in charity – and no one can top it.  So forget trying to give more than God because you cannot. Instead, concentrate on giving out of obedience and a right heart (motives).

Every man according as he purposeth in his heart, so let him give; not grudgingly, or of necessity: for God loveth a cheerful giver.
2 Corinthians 9:7

Happiness and gratefulness abound.

Key #4 Have A Proper Perspective

When someone has a need I want to be able to help them up.  It could be time, or stuff, or money.  Whatever it might be, having the options available to bless someone else is a great position to be in.

Have you not seen or helped others who were in some pretty desperate situations?  It always makes me more grateful for what I do have.  This, my friend, is where joy, happiness, and contentment come to reside in your life and begin to consume you – no matter what financial situation you are in.

When I become a giver, I can look and see that my situation is not as bad as I thought it was.

When you are focused on somebody else, your own personal financial plan becomes a whole lot easier to manage.   Incredible benefits all around.

Take Some Action

Now, take these Keys to the Quality Giving of Your Money and do something.  Do you want the joy and happiness you seek?  Take action.  Information without implementation is just plain ‘ole entertainment.  And I know you are reading this simply to be entertained.  If so, you had better ask for your money back.

As Frederick Douglas once said, “It is time to start praying with your legs.”

Keys to happiness exercise:

• Ask God for help (ask Jesus into your life if you have not done so already)
• Start tithing 10% of your income
• Pray to God to help you let go of the obsession of money
• Give to someone in need (pray first) do it without trying to get recognition for it. God will know and love you for it.

Previous Happiness Lessons:

How to find Happiness – 15 Lesson Series – Overview

How to find Happiness – Introduction

How to find Happiness – Key #1 – A relationship with God

How to find Happiness – Key #2 – Being Thankful

How to find Happiness - Key #3 – Learning How to forgive yourself

How to find Happiness - Key #4 – Learning How to forgive others

How to find Happiness – Key #5 – Living in the present

How to find Happiness - Key #6 – Overcoming fear

Do you need Christian Financial Planning?  Providing answers to Christian finance questions

Key #5 to Happiness – Living without fear.

One thing among many that I hated prior to knowing Jesus Christ and the love of the Father intimately was some Christian spouting off “Christianese” at me. It was like a sugar-coated secret language that I could only learn after I gave up everything I had, everything I loved and I got ready to wear sack cloth and ashes. Not a very inviting prospective.

So, in order to not be one of those “people”, let me start this article with various things I found that were not in the bible.

I decided to search on my own via the vast search engines available to us for the things I would be talking about in this article. Happiness…joy….fear. Wow! Who knew how often these questions/words/solutions were addressed!  I couldn’t list them all. Here are a few:

Happiness: the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires : delight b : the expression or exhibition of such emotion : gaiety
2 : a state of happiness or felicity : bliss 3 : a source or cause of delight

And….

“One way to understand the difference between joy and happiness is to look at the opposites of the two feelings. The opposite of joy is fear while the opposite of happiness is unhappiness and misery.” Diffen.com

I liked this. The opposite of joy was fear. OK. What else? Again, the search reference for the word “fear” was endless. One definition of “fear” that I felt said it all:
F–FALSE
E–EVIDENCE
A–APPEARING
R—REAL

Then there were the unlimited famous/infamous quotations which I shrunk down to this small list:

“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself – nameless, unreasoning, unjustified, terror which

paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.”  FDR – First Inaugural Address, March 4, 1933

Courage is not the lack of fear but the ability to face it.” Lt. John B. Putnam Jr. (1921-1944)

“The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear.” H.P. Lovecraft
“The greatest obstacle to love is fear. It has been the source of all defects in human behavior throughout the ages.” Mahmoud Mohammed Taha

Fear makes the wolf bigger than he is.” German Proverb

I have German ancestors. None of them bothered to share that last one with me. I don’t think anyone bothered to share it with them either. On the contrary, all my ancestral roots (not limited to the Germanic only) learned to rule and dominate others with fear. It was a successful maneuver in many ways because it got people to do, or not to do, whatever they wanted. The bad news…it kept many from achieving all they could possibly be or were designed to be by Almighty God. Call it fear of failure, fear of success, fear of confrontation, fear of rejection, fear of abandonment, etc. It was still the same four letter word causing the same havoc and destruction of joy or happiness. FEAR!

This can be taught, learned, experienced or generational. It matters not from whence it came. It is a killer of life. It is a killer of dreams. It is a killer of others…either in their spirit or in their body.

I wanted to know how to stop this paralyzing and destructive force in my life. I wanted to have a better life. I tried everything from meditation to other forms of “religious and mind-empowering practices.” None of them worked. Some cost money. Most were not freely given. When all else failed I learned about something I hadn’t tried yet.

“But these are written (recorded) in order that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ (the Anointed One), the Son of God, and that through believing and cleaving to and trusting and relying upon Him you may have life through (in) His name [ through Who He is].” John 20:31

The Lord promises a free gift…His gift of love. The gift of Jesus. Someone who really thinks you’re important and really cares. It’s like having a great big daddy Who is always standing guard at all times so I can rest and not worry…and be happy:

“But [even] the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not be struck with fear or seized with alarm; you are of greater worth than many [flocks] of sparrows.” Luke 12:7

If you’ve never experienced this love, you’re missing one of the first tools to overcoming this four letter word (FEAR) and all its deadly entanglements. He promised us that “Perfect love gets rid of fear” and the name of Jesus is the embodiment of that perfect love demonstrated on this earth. It’s a name that He encouraged us to call out  – JESUS. The name that every/all powers must bow their knee to… JESUS! This was the name…the word… I learned to use early on with my walk through my personal battles.

You see, some of it this freedom walk was not easy for me and is not easy for most. The gift to start on the journey was/is free. But, like any good workout and muscle building program, you (we) have to do some of the work. Many times I wished that the trainer would do the exercises, magically touch my body and I’d be fifty pounds lighter and able to do things I did when I was twenty!  But alas, this is not possible. I have and had to do the work.

The reward was great as I strengthened my faith muscles and started to chip away at all the fear-based ideology that had been imbedded in me. I now look at “stuff” that is taking away my peace, my happiness and ask the Lord what the cause may be. One of the main questions that I usually ask is… ”What am I afraid of?”

If you find yourself battling this four letter word…start with His free gift. If you haven’t invited Jesus into your life as your Lord and Savior…give HIM a try. This Web site has tools on how to do this. It won’t cost you a thing. It’s between you and Him. He’s not like a lot of people who beat you over the head to get you to do something. No…it’s just the opposite. He stands at the door to your heart, knocks and then waits for an invitation to come in. He’s not pushy or punitive. He doesn’t want you to be afraid of Him. He’ll wait until you say “yes.” He won’t judge. He’ll wait until your “yes.”

Will happiness come immediately? I don’t know. Each and every experience is different. Like our fingerprints, no two people are alike. But I can guarantee one thing. You will never be alone again. You will always have the name of a Friend who you can on call at any time. JESUS. Once you mention His name…all hell runs away. They don’t like to be reminded of the ONE who is really in charge, who is really love and who will never leave us or forsake us.

Try studying these one day at a time for seven days. Have hope, have happiness and become fearless!

Day #1

The Lord is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me. Psalm 118:6

Day #2

Peace I leave with you; My [own] peace I now give and bequeath to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. [Stop allowing yourselves to be agitated and disturbed; and do not permit yourselves to be fearful and intimidated and cowardly and unsettled.] John 14:27

Day #3
For [the Spirit which] you have now received [is] not a spirit of slavery to put you once more in bondage to fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption [the Spirit producing son-ship] in [the bliss of] which we cry, Abba (Father)! Father! Romans 8:15

Day #4

In Whom, because of our faith in Him, we dare to have the boldness (courage and confidence) of free access (an unreserved approach to God with freedom and without fear). Ephesians 3:12

Day #5

And do not [for a moment] be frightened or intimidated in anything by your opponents and adversaries, for such [constancy and fearlessness] will be a clear sign (proof and seal) to them of [their impending] destruction, but [a sure token and evidence] of your deliverance and salvation, and that from God. Philippians 1:28

Day #6

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control. 2 Timothy 1:7

Day #7

So we take comfort and are encouraged and confidently and boldly say, The Lord is my Helper; I will not be seized with alarm [I will not fear or dread or be terrified]. What can man do to me? Hebrews 13:6

Previous Happiness Lessons:

How to find Happiness – 15 Lesson Series – Overview

How to find Happiness – Introduction

How to find Happiness – Key #1 – A relationship with God

How to find Happiness – Key #2 – Being Thankful

How to find Happiness – Key #3 – Learning How to forgive yourself

How to find Happiness – Key #4 – Learning How to forgive others

How to find Happiness - Key #5 – Living in the present

May you find true happiness and may God answer your prayers – Amen!

Key #5 to Happiness – Living in the present

At first glance, you might ask – what does living in the present have to do with happiness?  What’s so great about the present?  What does it even mean to live in the present?   It means that we are focused on what we are experiencing, thinking and/or feeling right now…and not caught up in the fantasies about the future or burdened down with memories of the past.

“Be here now” was a popular phrase in the hippy days which was captured well in many books and songs.  Like all things, however, embracing this concept can lead a person either positively or negatively…into deep irresponsibility and narcissism, or into the discipline of total reliance upon God for every need on a moment to moment basis.

Living in the “now” with Jesus is the epitome of joy, peace, wisdom, power and destiny.

But how do you get there?  Well, first, let’s explore not living in the present.

Living in the past = Regret

“When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.” Alexander Graham Bell

I must admit that I too relive the past sometimes.   Like most of us, when I find myself in the past, I am usually reliving a mistake or a negative situation, which then makes me feel badly about myself.  Oh, I have personal ones too, but when I am stuck in the past it usually has to do with work.  Have you ever had an important meeting and you blew it?  I have.  For days I can beat myself up over it replaying the scene over and over in my mind, wishing I could have a “do over.”   Sometimes even years later, I can find myself feeling sick about a particular meeting that went south.

I can only imagine the torment people experience who have made a mistake that caused serious injury or even someone’s life.  One such situation happened recently with one of my relatives. 
Frankly, I don’t know how one gets over something like that, except by God’s grace.  (check out our article from a few weeks ago “Learning How to forgive yourself”)

God promises to give the Holy Spirit liberally to everyone who asks for Him.

“If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more

will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!” Luke 11:13

He also said, “If you ask anything in my name, I will do it.” John. 14:14

What does “anything” include?  Hmmnn…  I guess it means ANYTHING.  (which includes healing your memories and self incriminations)  But there’s more –

“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness”.  1 John 1:9 (NKJV)
“Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead”,   Phil 3:13 (NKJV)

There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.  Romans 8:1 (NKJV)

On the other hand, if we are constantly recalling positive experiences of the past, it usually means that our happiness is caught up deeds or works we did earlier…with pride hovering around us ready to establish (or grow) a deeper root.  Even reliving our own old glory days too often can hold us back from hearing the new thing God has for us now.

Here is what the Bible says about living in the past:

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.  2 Cor 5:17 (NKJV)

Therefore we were buried with Him through baptism into death, that just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life.  Romans 6:4 (NKJV)

Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ  Phil 3:8 (NKJV)

Living in the future = Anxiety and Fear.

We all like to think about the possibility about a wonderful future where our dreams come true and that is not a bad thing.  However, truth be told, when most of us think about the future, it’s usually about negative things…things we fear.  Fear of losing a job, not being able to pay the bills, not being able to care for our families and more.  We all face these fears, including myself.  The key is not to dwell on our fears but to give them over to God…that is what he wants us to do with them.  Also, check out our next keys to happiness next week where we’ll talk about how to overcome fear.

Here is what the Bible has to say about fixating on the future, worry and fear:

“Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on.  Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?  Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?  So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.  Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?  Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’  For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.  ”But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.   Matthew 6:25-34 (NKJV)

“Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression, But a good word makes it glad”.  Proverbs 12:25 (NKJV)

“Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. Behold, all those who were incensed against you Shall be ashamed and disgraced; They shall be as nothing, And those who strive with you shall perish. You shall seek them and not find them…Those who contended with you. Those who war against you Shall be as nothing, As a nonexistent thing.  For I, the LORD your God, will hold your right hand, Saying to you, Fear not, I will help you.”  Isaiah 41:10-13 (NKJV)

Living in the present

If you worry about what might be, and wonder what might have been, you will ignore what is.  ~Author Unknown

We crucify ourselves between two thieves:  regret for yesterday and fear of tomorrow.  ~Fulton Oursler

There is a lot of truth in the above words.  For a very few people, living is the present comes naturally, including our dogs.  That is definitely something we can learn from our K9s…they truly live in the present.  For most of us however, it takes effort to train our minds to let go of our worries and forgive ourselves of our mistake.  The good news is that we can do it with help from God.  He promises us (read the above verses again) to help us if we just let him.  When we do that, overall we’re happier people.

Do you realize that only when we live in the present can we experience God’s presence?

Keys to happiness exercise:

• Ask God for help (ask Jesus into your life if you have not done so already)
• Read the above scriptures and others from our Successful Living area every day for a week
• Memorize the scripture that speaks to you most
• Every time fear, worry or regret creeps into your mind, pray, give it to the lord and repeat your favorite scripture.
• Ask others to pray for you
• Feel free to e-mail us with questions
• Sign up for our e-mail reminder as soon as a new key to happiness is published

Previous Happiness Lessons:

How to find Happiness – 15 Lesson Series – Overview

How to find Happiness – Introduction

How to find Happiness – Key #1 – A relationship with God

How to find Happiness – Key #2 – Being Thankful

How to find Happiness – Key #3 – Learning How to forgive yourself

How to find Happiness – Key #4 – Learning How to forgive others

May you find true happiness and may God answer your prayers – Amen!

Key #4 to Happiness – Forgiving Others

A man was walking with his best friend, someone he had known for a very long time. As they walked, they began to argue about some trivial issue. As they argued, they began to be very angry at one another. The more they argued, the angrier they became. They got so angry at each other that the man lost his temper and shoved his friend away from him. His friend stumbled and fell upon a board, which had a loose, rusty nail sticking up from it. The nail pierced the man’s friend in the back.

The man, immediately sorry for what he had done, picked his friend up and took him home to wash his wound and remove the rusty nail. “I’m so sorry,” he kept saying. “I don’t know what cam over me. Please forgive me!”

“That’s your problem,” his friend said. “You’ve always had a bad temper. I’m going to teach you a lesson. I’m going to leave this rusty nail in my back so that every time you see it you will remember what your bad temper did you me.” Even when the rust nail eventually began to infect the wound in the friend’s back, the friend refused to remove it and continued to remind the man of what he had done and how wrong her was, right up until the day that the infection from the nail finally killed him.

It is so easy to look at this story and say, “How foolish! No one should keep a wound open in their body just so they can hold it over the person who caused it! If that was me, I’d want to get healed as soon as I could!” But hear this, Child of God; every day, in relationships all over the world, people are doing just that to their own spirits, and the rusty nail that pierces them and drains their happiness away is called UNFORGIVENESS.

The Danger of Unforgiveness.

In order to see unforgiveness in it’s proper light, it is first necessary to understand what it means to forgive. In the Greek, the word forgive means: to free fully, relieve, release, dismiss, let die, pardon, divorce, let go, loose, put away, and to set at liberty. The Bible makes it very clear that we as followers of Christ are expected to forgive the wrongs that others may do to us: “And when you stand praying, forgive, if you have ought against any.” (Mark 11:25)

Beyond question, then, the Bible expects us to let go of the hard feelings held against someone who has done us wrong, no matter who, why, how, or what. Walking in forgiveness with others is one the believer’s primary keys to finding their happiness in life. When we do not let go of the wrong that has been done against us, but instead hold on to it, then we are walking in unforgiveness.

“So we walk in a little unforgiveness,” someone might say. “It’s only natural; besides, it’s the only way we can protect ourselves from being used and hurt.” Oh, saints, how little we actually know about the function of our own hearts! And how devious is our enemy, who deceives us into hurting others and ourselves in a hundred little ways! How many saints do you know who pride themselves on how they avoid adultery, fornication, murder and idolatry, only to fall prey to unforgiveness, bitterness and lovelessness? How many relationships, friendships and marriages have crumbled and fallen because of unforgiveness? There are too many to count! Out of the many things that damage relationships and spiritual growth, it’s usually the small, seemingly minor attitudes that silently eat away at the foundations until it is too late. “Take us the foxes, the little foxes, that spoil the vines; for our vines have tender grapes” (Song of Solomon 2:15). The “little foxes” of unforgiveness will always spoil the tender fruit of our relationships!

When unforgiveness enters our hearts, it erodes our ability to love, bond and trust, making us cold, bitter and hard. It kills our ability to develop relationships and fellowship with others – even with the Lord God Himself! “But when ye do not forgive, neither will your Father who is in heaven forgive your trespasses” (Mark 11:26). Many people hold unforgiveness in their hearts in an effort to hurt the one who first hurt them, not realizing that they are the ones who suffer the most! It is near impossible to find happiness in life when you are holding on to forgiveness.

The Importance of Forgiving.

If you ask most saints what are some of the most important spiritual elements in their life, most will tell you about tongues, spiritual gifts, prophecy, and the Word of God. Very few will include love and forgiveness on their list. But what does the Word of God teach us? How does God want the unsaved to respond to spiritual gifts and prophecy? Beloved, all of these wonderful abilities are intended to draw unsaved souls to God that they might receive one thing: FORGIVENESS of their sins through Jesus Christ!

“Be it known unto you therefore, man and brethren, that through [Jesus] is preached unto you forgiveness of sins, and by Him all that believe are justified from all things.” (Acts 13:38-39)

Saints, forgiveness is not just a side issue in the Christian faith; it is the very center of the gospel message. Jesus was made flesh and blood for this very reason – to break down the wall of separation between man and God, that mankind might be saved from the righteous judgment of God and be forgiven of their sinful acts and delivered from their sinful nature so that they might enjoy intimate fellowship with God!

But if we want to continue receiving forgiveness of sins throughout our life (for truly we will need it!), then God requires one thing of us all – that we completely forgive others like He constantly and completely forgives us.

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Eph. 4:31-32, NIV).

The Impact of Unforgiveness.

Despite the clear instructions of scripture, friendships, families, marriages, ministries, and lives are being broken up at a frightening rate. People are turning to divorce, crime drugs, violence and gangs, trying to stop their personal pain and find their life’s happiness. We are seeing Jesus’ prophecy come true: “Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of many will grow cold.” (Matt. 24:12, NIV).

Why is this happening? Counselors and psychiatrists have discovered a common thread – unforgiveness and bitter hearts! Sons and daughters are bitter against absent fathers or negligent mothers; wives are bitter against absent or abusive husbands; fathers are bitter against their own abusive fathers, turning their rage against their own families; women are bitter against men, and children are bitter against their parents. Everyone is holding unforgiveness against those who have hurt them, and the resulting bitterness of heart is eating them up inside. We are seeing a whole generation of bitter, angry, hard-hearted people boiling over with silent rage and unforgiveness!

The worst part about it is Satan is having a field day! Why? Because whenever unforgiveness and bitterness enter our hearts, Satan has a legal right to build a stronghold there!

“If you forgive anyone, I also forgive him. And what I have forgiven – if there was anything to forgive – I have forgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake, in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes (i.e., methods, devices, and plans)”
(2 Corinthians 2:10-11, NIV).

Paul is saying here that if there exists any occasion where forgiveness is needed in the church, he wants to forgive along with everyone else, for he knows how Satan operates. He knew that every unforgiven offense was an opportunity for Satan to bring the bondage of bitterness, anger, criticalness, strife, and hard heartedness to the offended party. These things would open the door for other tormenting spirits as well! You see, it’s not just about relationships, but about your spiritual and natural health as well. When you do not forgive, your prayers go unanswered, your love grows cold, your natural resistance decreases, your joy and happiness are drained away, your spirit becomes darkened, and every sin you commit goes unforgiven by God until you forgive! Now tell me, is it really worth it?

Five Reasons Why A Person Won’t Forgive.

Someone may say, “But it’s so hard to forgive! You don’t know what they did to me! I just can’t seem to let it go, even though I know I have to!” If this is you, Beloved, then you need to examine yourself closely as to why you as a believer would keep this deadly emotional poison flowing through your system. Here are five reasons why most people will not forgive:

1) They don’t value the relationship. Many people simply refuse to forgive an offender because they no longer value the relationship that they have with them. They are more willing to discard the relationship than to make the effort to restore the relationship. This is due to a lack of love, for without the love of God within us, we cannot see the value that God places in every person on earth! Can you imagine what would happen if God treated us the same way?

2) They are afraid to forgive for fear of being put in a position of weakness and vulnerability with another person. This is the most common reason among those who have been hurt before. They use unforgiveness as a shield to keep distance between themselves and those who have hurt them. They feel safer hiding behind the bitterness and anger rather than letting it go and giving the person another chance, as the Bible instructs them to. The sad part is, they are keeping God out as well, and letting Satan in! Saints, remember this: true, godly love always takes risks, and there is no hurt in this world that God cannot heal!

3) They won’t forgive because pride keeps them from truly seeing themselves in God. Many people will exalt themselves in their own eyes until they treat every offense against them as if it were against God Himself! They see the offender as “unworthy” of their forgiveness or love, not realizing that they themselves are no better than the offender in God’s eyes as long as they hold that grudge. They fail to realize that if Jesus could forgive the sins committed against him during his earthly life and still love his offenders, who are we not to? We must learn to let God be the righteous judge of every sin and get out of His way!

4) They can’t forgive because they are focusing on the wrong image in their minds. Many saints hinder their ability to forgive by constantly thinking on the wrong thing: instead of focusing on the Word of God, the example of Jesus, and guarding themselves against the deception of the enemy, they will focus on the offender, the offense, the words spoken, and the pain experienced. They will rehearse it over and over in their minds, keeping the memories fresh and the wounds sore. Beloved, please listen: as long as you keep talking about it, thinking about it, and hearing about it, you’ll keep hurting over it. Part of forgiving is separating yourself and your pain from the memories of the event – you must put the past behind you, embracing the memory while releasing the pain!

5) They won’t forgive because they don’t understand the damage it does to their hearts. Most everyone who willingly holds onto a grudge does not realize the damage they are doing to themselves. Unforgiveness always leads to bitterness, and bitterness always leads to a hardened heart, one that cannot love or trust anyone. It affects our ability as parents, spouses, and friends. Everyone can tell bitter people; they’re the ones who have become abusive, hard, quick-tempered, stubborn, unfriendly, and cold. The offense may be years gone and long forgotten by the other party, but the impact remains long after the fact. Saints, we must understand this: the only person unforgiveness hurts is the unforgiver!

The Power of Love.

The Battle against unforgiveness is being lost by someone, somewhere, every day. Today it’s like a contagious disease, spreading from marriage to marriage and family to family, leaving behind divorces, broken families, bitter hearts, and painful memories. How can we stop it? The answer is so simple yet so deep that we often overlook it – we must learn to LOVE! Not the warm, fuzzy, teary-eyed lip service love that you see on television of get in many fellowships. But that selfless, aga`pe love of Jesus, the self-sacrificing love that led Him to give His life for us while we were still his enemies, the love that could accept rejection, lashes, beatings, spitting, nails, and a criminal’s cross and still say, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34).

Beloved, this is where the real battle for your spiritual life and happiness begins; not over doctrines, denominations, Bible versions, or spiritual gifts, but over who will love and who will hate, who will forgive and who will grow bitter! Oh saints, where are those who can turn the other cheek, who can love their enemies, who can bless those that curse them or spitefully use them? Where are those who can truly, honestly forgive? This is what the world needs to see, hear and experience! This is TRUE spiritual growth and a primary key to finding happiness! This is the nature of the true child of God, one who, like a rose, can take the crushing of this world and still give off the pleasing fragrance of love and forgiveness. This, beloved saints, is the mark of a true believer. Praise God!

How to find happiness – Forgiving Others Exercises:

1)      Make a list of those people who have hurt or wounded you in your life, whether they are alive or have passed away. Include a detailed list of the hurts and wounds inflicted upon you.

2)      Take the time to go before God and ask forgiveness for holding grudges against them; ask Him to remove the offense from your heart. Ask God to wash your heart in the blood of Jesus Christ and to fill you with love for that person. Renounce the Spirit of Unforgiveness, repenting from your heart before the Lord God.

3)      Forgive each offender. Forgive them verbally, out loud. Be specific in what you are forgiving them for. If you have trouble forgiving, review the “Reasons People Will Not Forgive” provided in this lesson. Focus on the impact that unforgiveness could have in your life and ask yourself, “Do I really want this poison in my life? What have I already lost because of unforgiveness? Is it really worth it to damage my own spirit because of this? What blessings am I missing out on because of this?” Now, go back and try again to forgive that person’s hurts against you. Do this for every person on your list and take your time.

(Note: if you still have trouble verbally forgiving this person, this may be a sign that you have developed a demonic stronghold in your life. Ask the Lord God to help you forgive them. You may need to seek deliverance counseling.)

4)      Once you have asked forgiveness from the Lord for harboring unforgiveness, and have verbally forgiven and released each person who has wounded you, now begin to pray a blessing over the life over each person. (Remember, Jesus said to “love those who hate you, bless those who persecute you.”) A sign of true forgiveness from the heart is when we can freely speak a blessing over those who have wounded us and truly mean it from our hearts.

5)      If you still know or have a relationship with someone who has wounded you in the past, it would be wise to go to that person and tell them that you have forgiven them for any trespasses, as well as asking their forgiveness for any sins you may have committed against them. The more hurtful the wound, the necessary this step may become. You may very well free them from the guilt of offending you!

Previous Keys To Happiness Lessons:

How to find Happiness – 15 Lesson Series – Overview

How to find Happiness – Introduction

How to find Happiness – Key #1 – A relationship with God

How to find Happiness – Key #2 – Being Thankful

How to find Happiness  - Key #3 – Learning How to forgive yourself

May you find true happiness, forgive yourself and may God answer your prayers – Amen!

Key #2 to Happiness – Being Thankful!

I don’t think that we can be happy if we don’t have a sense of thanksgiving for the good things in our lives.  Being thankful takes effort.  Naturally, most of us focus on our problems, on what we lack and what ails us.  Let’s face it…every one of us has some areas of our lives that are difficult and confusing.  Some of these challenges are short term and some are life-long burdens.  Some are self-inflicted and some are not our fault.

No matter how positive any one of us may be, there are times when a problem gets the best of us.  I must admit, as I write this, I am preaching to myself as well as sharing my thoughts with you.  Last week at work, for example, I let some of the pressures get to me.  We were trying to keep an important client happy, and everyone (including my direct manager and even the President of the company) had a passionate opinion about what I should do.  Unfortunately, the client had totally different ideas and I was walking that thin line of carrying the burden of keeping everyone happy.  The pressure even affected my life at home.  (My wife would say it wasn’t that bad, but I can see the difference when I don’t have much time for her)

I realize that some of you have much more serious problems.  Some of you might have lost your job or you lost your dream home due to foreclosure…some of you might have been informed that you have some serious illness, possibly even a life threatening one.  A dear relative of ours is living through everyone’s worst nightmare – the untimely death of one of their children in their 20’s.   How can one ever get past such a deep tragedy?  Is it even possible?  A better question is – does God really know what’s going on down here?  Does He see the pain you’re in, the impossible boss, the rebellious spouse or child, the empty bank account, or worse?

These situations are taking you by surprise, but not God.  He tells us that He saw every day of our lives before the foundation of the world – that every day of your life has been recorded in His book.  (God says this right after He tells you that He has more good thoughts about you than there are grains of sand on all the seas of the world)  He has a plan for you that goes way beyond your life on this planet – He has great plans for you throughout all eternity!  Since everyone will have different assignments after life on earth, each of us has to be prepared differently.  God has a wonderful future designed for you!  So you don’t want to be fighting against Him.

Our disappointments, losses and pressures, if not checked, can consume us and make our lives a living hell.  The question is…can we find happiness even when experiencing serious problems?  The answer is yes.  One of the keys to happiness is making a conscious decision and effort to take our focus off our problems and focus of all the good things in our lives…being thankful for those.

Some of you might argue that there is nothing to be thankful for.  On the surface that might seem true…but you’d be surprised.  I admit that this is not always easy but try we must nevertheless.

Personally, when I struggle with problems, I bring God into the situation, eventually.  As a stubborn Austrian, of course, I usually try to handle the problem first by myself… you know, my way!  But without Him, the whole situation inevitably gets worse.  Yes, I usually attempt a fix the hard way but then after several setbacks, I let Him take over.  The earlier in the challenge I surrender the issue to Him, the less pain I experience.  Why is that so hard to remember?   I don’t know why I need to re-learn the lesson over and over again.

Frankly, giving Him our issues is the first thing we should do. Did you know that God actually loves to hear from us about our problems?  He wants to be involved.  He is an amazing God that heals, provides, protects, restores and so much more.  Below are some Bible verses…

The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; My God, my strength, in whom I will trust; My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.  Psalms 18:2 (NKJV)

God is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble.  Therefore we will not fear, Even though the earth be removed, And though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;  Psalms 46:1-2 (NKJV)

You, who have shown me great and severe troubles, Shall revive me again, And bring me
up again from the depths of the earth.  Psalms 71:20 (NKJV)

As a father pities his children, So the LORD pities those who fear Him.  Psalms 103:13 (NKJV)

He heals the brokenhearted And binds up their wounds.  Psalms 147:3 (NKJV)

Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’  Isaiah 41:10 (NKJV)

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, Nor shall the flame scorch you.  Isaiah 43:2 (NKJV)

Blessed are those who mourn, For they shall be comforted.  Matt 5:4 (NKJV)

Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.  ”Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake.  ”Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.
Matt 5:10-12 (NKJV)

“Are not two sparrows sold for a copper coin? And not one of them falls to the ground apart from your Father’s will.  ”But the very hairs of your head are all numbered.  ”Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.  Matt 10:29-31 (NKJV)

“Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  ”Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  ”For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”  Matt 11:28-30 (NKJV)

We are hard pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair;  2 Corinthians 4:8 (NKJV)

Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day.  For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory,  2 Corinthians 4:16-17 (NKJV)

So let’s take some time and think about all the things that are good in your life…your health…your husband or wife…your kids… your job…the fact you live in America…that you have roof over your head…that you can see…hear…walk…talk…and that Jesus died for you.  If you’re having trouble with this, just take some extra time to think about it…it will be worth it.  It’s amazing how many things most of us can come up with.

It is important to write these things down as you come up with these items.  Then read them out laud several times per day.  It’s really amazing what just that little exercise will do help us experience happiness.  Here is what the Bible says about being thankful…

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.  Phil 4:6-7 (NKJV)

Oh, give thanks to the LORD, for He is good! For His mercy endures forever.  Psalms 118:1 (NKJV)

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 1 Thess 5:16-18 (NKJV)

Thanks be to God for His indescribable gift!  2 Cor 9:15 (NKJV)

And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.  Col 3:17 (NKJV)

I thank my God upon every remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine making request for you all with joy,  Phil 1:3-4 (NKJV)

Keys to happiness exercise:

• Ask God for help (ask Jesus into your life if you have not done so already)
• Write down 10 -20 things you are thankful for
• Read them every day for a week…maybe even twice per day
• Every time a thought about your problem seem to creep into your mind, remind yourself of one or more things that you are thankful for
• Ask others to pray for you
• Feel free to e-mail us with questions
• Sign up for our e-mail reminder as soon as a new key to happiness is published

For related articles – Check out:

How to find Happiness – 15 Lesson – Overview

How to find Happiness – Introduction

How to find Happiness – Key #1 – A relationship with God

How to find Happiness – Key #3 – Learning how to forgive yourself

How to find Happiness – Key #4 – Learning How to forgive others

How to find Happiness - Key #5 – Living in the present

What to do when you’re sick

Don’t Worry

Salvation – What it takes to be saved

Answers for Living

May you find happiness and may God answer your prayers mightily – Amen!

The state of happiness can be illusive and even if achieved, it can be a hard thing to hold on to in this world – especially if we look for happiness in the usual places.

I remember when I first came to the US from Austria.  More than anything, I wanted to prove that I could be a success.  Like many people around the world, for decades I had heard about how anything was possible in America.  Anyone who was willing to work hard could live the American dream.

Well, it was true for me.  I quickly “fell” into an industry that I discovered I really loved – advertising.   I worked very hard and became one of the top ad sales people in the company.  I achieved what most people would consider great success…the American dream.

Why wasn’t it as satisfying as I had imagined?  I started to realize that being a business success wasn’t all it was cracked up to be.  As I made more and more money, I was able to buy more and better things but I quickly came to the same conclusion that many before me have discovered – that happiness has little or nothing to do with how much money we have or the square footage of the house we live in.

If you’re still on that path, let me save you some time.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s great to have more than enough, however, worldly success will not give you happiness.  Just look at the many examples of people who seemingly have it all but are so unhappy they end up overdosing on drugs or self-destruct in other ways.  At the same time, some people who live in horrendous poverty, where the kids don’t even own a pair of shoes, seem to be happy.  So am I saying that you have to be poor to find happiness?  No, not at all.

So what are  the keys to happiness?   Well, I believe one of the first is a state of being and state of mind…the way we look at life, money, possession, family, friends and this world.  Discovering this key unlocks many other doors.

Over the next few months, we’ll look at the meaning and the keys to happiness not just in principles, we’ll also include exercises we can do to help us change the way we look at life and make us happier people in the process.  We’ll focus on one key lesson at a time and practice and meditate on it over and over for an entire week.

How to find Happiness – Key #1 – A relationship with God

How to find Happiness – Key #2 – Being Thankful

How to find Happiness – Key #3 – Learning How to forgive yourself

How to find Happiness – Key #4 – Learning How to forgive others

How to find Happiness - Key #5 – Living in the present

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