Success and Failure Blog

Heart Sick Vs. A Sick Heart

We have all heard the phrase “They died of a broken heart.”  I’m not a doctor. I’ve been in medicine for many years and have never really seen a “broke heart.” I’ve taken care of people who have a sick heart from causes known or suspected. Many heart problems are from real physical causes. I’ve also known/seen people with signs of a “broken heart”.

I can tell you there have been many times in my life I experienced “heart sickness.” No, it was never a physical symptom or cause (thank the good Lord). It usually was associated with a loss, hurt, rejection, pain from the past and on and on. But one pain in particular recently almost made me want to give up. However, I must stress NOT give up my life…give up my dreams, the thing(s) I have been waiting to come true. You see, I learned many tears ago that “thou shalt not kill” meant me too! I wasn’t supposed to kill others or myself. Suicide is never an option.

I had one choice only. Find a way to hang on. I tried to share what my heart was feeling. Sometimes advice isn’t always perfect when friends try to encourage and be helpful.  One told me to “let my dream die or be willing to let it die like Abraham had to be willing to do with Isaac.” They went on, “You’re in so much pain because you’re hanging on to it. You have to be willing to stab it to death”

The words of this friend sent me into a tailspin. Their intent was correct.  I also know that this world is dominated by a spiritual power that causes accusations to flood our minds and hearts for one purpose only … to give up and lose hope. I thought I had done that…the “turning over” that they learn in Twelve Step Programs. What now? Listen to a trusted friend’s advice and tell God as fast as I could I was sorry or give up and spend the rest of my life angry, depressed and feeling hopeless? I knew “hope deferred makes a heart grow sick.”

I decided to ask a small group of wise friends what they knew about God and this subject. Here are some of their direct responses :

“Nothing stays at the altar.  Not even Isaac.  God provided a substitute sacrifice in a moment of time.  So when Abraham was told to put his own son upon the altar – it wasn’t so that God could kill him, rather it was a sign of obedience that Abraham was willing to do anything he was told by the Lord.   In a moment of time, when God saw that Abraham was willing to sacrifice even his own son, God brought the substitute sacrifice; the ram!”

“For me keeping hope means that I always feel expectant toward my future, openhearted toward people, and soft in the attitudes of my heart. When I let hope go…I get hard-hearted, negative and cynical about…well, everything.”

“His dreams for my life have far exceeded anything I could’ve made happen.  For the dreams that still remain in the womb of my heart, my hope is in Jesus. While we are waiting for our dreams to come to pass, I have learned that God is deeply investing in building our character and making us more like Him. He also takes that time to show us who He really is during the process and who we were created to be.”

“God takes all of our ambitions and turns them into relationship with Him IF we will let Him! We must be willing to let the dream, promise, whatever, remain in God’s hands and in his timing.” 

“When I let something die I stop looking at how it will happen. I never give up hope, because my hope is wrapped up in God and His purpose for my life. He gave me my gifts and He said my gifts will make room for me. There is a peace in my heart that really doesn’t care one way or the other because I know they (my gifts) don’t validate me (who I really am). It only serves to validate my hope… which is in God.”

Why do I share these responses with you? Because, I have found that when I can’t find the answers in front of me I need to hang on to what I know from the past and the experiences of others (their testimonies).  Twelve Step Programs call that “sharing your experience, strength and hope.”

I have had to search for the answers in the testimony of many living and dead:

“ ‘Be strong and of good courage, fear not, or be afraid, neither be dismayed, for it is the Lord your God, He goes with you; He will not fail you, or leave you.”  “Do not be in fear, despair, crushed, terrified, demoralized, panic.  Do not crack under the stress. Do not be beaten down.’ God knows that we will have times of stress, uncertainty, and fear, but he wants us to recognize that he is wonderful, loving, kind and don’t forget really smart.”

“If Jesus is your hope, you will always have hope no matter how far away the dream feels or how dead things seem.”  Read Psalm 39:7

Since that initial tailspin, I’ve grown and become stronger in finding where my answers are and hope lives. The relationship I thought was so clear and strong is more intimate, safe and a source of strength and direction. I’m not in a rush about the answers and have learned to be grateful for all I have and look forward to the future…whatever it may hold! My heart is well and …“It is well with my soul.”