Success and Failure Blog

 Key to Happiness #15 – The Importance of Prayer

Child of God, when you accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior, you accepted a relationship like none other. You accepted an invitation to have a spirit-to-spirit relationship with God the Father, the God of the Universe. You entered into so much more than a religion; in a very real sense, you entered into a covenant of marriage, and like any other marriage, you cannot truly experience the happiness and connectivity available to you in that marriage unless you and your spouse TALK to one another. Believe it or not, the immense level of joy, happiness and peace available to you from God the Father begins the very day that you begin to talk to Him!

God’s Desire.

The Bible tells us very clearly to “draw near to God, and He will draw near to us.” How can you draw close to someone whom you cannot see, touch, smell or hear with your natural senses? Jesus gave us the answer when he said, “God is a spirit, and His worshippers must worship Him in spirit and in truth” (John 4:24, NIV). In other words, since God is a spiritual being who dwells in the spiritual realm, the only way to communicate with Him is to use our born again spirit. In fact, this the heart of God, that His children might hunger for His company and seek after Him:

“Then you will call to me. You will come and pray to me, and I will hear you. When you look for me, you will find me. When you wholeheartedly seek me, I will let you find me, declares the Lord.” (Jeremiah 29:12-14a, God’s Word)

Saints of God, the Father so much desires for us to seek after Him in prayer that He has placed within us a hunger and an emptiness that will cause us to seek after Him. Man has sought after ways to fill that empty place with drugs, sex, relationships, entertainment, pleasure, and knowledge, but we will find no true, lasting happiness any of those places, because that emptiness was designed to be filled with only one thing – the company of the Almighty God!

“When thou saidst, Seek ye my face; my heart said unto thee, Thy face, Lord, will I seek.” (Psalm 27:8)

God has arranged our system so that only in seeking Him will we find the source of happiness for all of mankind!

God’s Purpose In Prayer.

Have you ever looked at the news, seen the abundance of evil, death and loss, and felt sad and hopeless, felt your personal happiness drain away because of it?  Have you ever wondered, “Where is God in all of this?  Why doesn’t He do something about it?  Doesn’t He care?”  Rest assured, He does care and He has done something about it – and you are intricately involved in that plan!

When the Lord God created mankind, He gave him a position and a responsibility that is sometimes difficult to imagine:  He gave man authority and rulership over the whole earth.  In effect, he made mankind the manager over creation.  While God Himself sovereignly owns the earth, He authorized mankind to serve as his manager and governor over it:

“And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth. So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.” (Genesis 1:26-28)

What an awesome thing!  God basically told them, “Here, it is yours to rule, govern and manage on my behalf.  Subdue it, master it and take it over.”  God placed man in such a strategic position of control and authority that whatever he did would have a great impact upon the earth.  That is why when Adam fell into sin, all of the creation that was under his control fell into decay as well!

Now, consider what a manager does: he determines what the will and plans of the owner are, then he requests the necessary supplies to accomplish the job given to him.  If the owner wants to sell shoes, then it is the job of the manager to ask for the necessary supplies to do so successfully.  It is also the owner’s job to willingly and freely provides the manager with whatever he asks for, as long as what he asks for promotes the will of the owner.  The owner doesn’t do the work himself; that is why he hired the manager and gave him authority over the store.  When that manager pleases the owner, there is nothing that the owner will not give him!

Beloved, if you can understand that principle, then you can understand one of the greatest purposes of prayer!

“Then the Lord appeared to him at night. He said to Solomon, “I have heard your prayer and have chosen this place for myself as a temple for sacrifices. I may shut the sky so that there is no rain, or command grasshoppers to devour the countryside, or send an epidemic among my people. However, if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves, pray, search for me, and turn from their evil ways, then I will hear {their prayer} from heaven, forgive their sins, and heal their country. My eyes will be open, and my ears will pay attention to those prayers at this place.”  2 Chronicles 7:14 (God’s Word)

Here we see the people of God, the managers of the earth, asking God, the owner, for the healing of the land and the removal of plagues and sickness. The Lord God tells Solomon their king that if His people who are in relationship with Him will get in right standing with Him and remove all barriers of sin from their lives, He will indeed respond to their requests for Him to heal the land and remove those things that damage and defile it. He will honor their request, and as a result, the happiness of the people and those who live in the land will greatly increase!

What actions were they instructed to take that God should respond in such a willing fashion?  God said simply to search for Him in prayer!  In doing so, they would invite God into their circumstances and cause Him to do that which He truly wanted to do – heal the land and restore man’s relationship with Him.  But it all begins when mankind ASKS Him to!

“I don’t call you servants anymore, because a servant doesn’t know what his master is doing.  But I’ve called you friends because I’ve made known to you everything that I’ve heard from my Father.  You didn’t choose me, but I chose you.  I have appointed you to go, to produce fruit that will last, and to ask the Father in my name to give you whatever you ask for.” (John 15:15-16, God’s Word)

What is it that you know God wants for your life?  What is it that you know God wants for your city?  Your family?  Your neighborhood?  God may know exactly what needs to be done, but He wants to do it along with you – He wants you to ask Him and invite Him in to your circumstances!  When you exercise your privilege of communicating with God on behalf of your life, family, job, and community, He will bring a level of happiness and joy that everyone around you will benefit from.  But it all begins with YOU asking Him in prayer!

Keys to happiness exercise through prayer:

1)      Set time aside to talk to the Lord daily.  Remember, saints, you were designed for this relationship.  A major part of everyone’s personal happiness is discovering and establishing relationship the Lord God of Heaven. He doesn’t make it complicated – He just wants you to talk to Him, and nothing makes for a happy relationship like good communication!

2)      Ask Him to help you remove everything that hinders your relationship with Him.  The Lord God does indeed love you, but remember this:  He is holy, which means he is separate and set apart from sin and sinful things.  He cannot remain where sin remains!  We must show how sincere we are about having a relationship with Him by offering Him a clean, sin free life!

3)      Ask according to His will.  It isn’t difficult to learn what God wants – He wrote it all down!  If you already know that something is according to His will, then our job is simple: we are to request those things!  We are to pray that God’s kingdom (that is, His realm of rule and area of control) will come into this circumstance and that His divine will shall be done in the matter, just as it is always done in Heaven.  When we want what God wants, He can only say yes to our request, which guarantees our happiness and joy!

May you find happiness through these 15 keys to find happiness.  We hope these tips help you get started.

For the other 14 keys to happiness click on this link.

Key to Happiness #14 – A Balanced Life

Family, work, health, ministry, leisure, God, civic duties, friends, etc. are all areas that fight for our time.  Finding balance is not a simple process…it takes discipline.

There are certain times in our lives where one or two of the above areas seem to consume every minute of our time.  I sure struggle with this sometimes.   I remember when I was in my twenties and I was really into exercising.  I literally worked out seven to eight hours per day.  I’d run several miles, then swim for two hours, then do weights and leg lifts for another few hours.  I was in great shape, however, other parts of my life where non existent or were seriously lacking.

Then, in my late twenties and early thirties, I was really focused on work.  I could work sixty hours per week and still want to work more.  I had to prove I was the best!

My next phase was when I was very involved in church…always busy doing something.  Don’t get me wrong…there is nothing wrong with working hard and being involved in good causes.  At the same time, if your family life is suffering and therefore it costs you your marriage or you lose your health over it – or even worse, if it costs you your soul, it is not worth it!  I think we all know people that have had such outcomes.  It’s always easier to see the imbalance in other peoples’ lives so it is helpful to examine our own every so often.

Finding true balance.

Prioritizing and balancing our activities is very helpful, however, in my opinion, the only way to find true balance is to have God in the center of all our activities.  Only then will we find true balance and happiness.

God wants to be the center of our universe.  We are made that way.  “In His presence is fullness of joy.”  Ps 16:11

Any time we replace him with something else from the outside, we are literally putting something in the way of true happiness and contentment.

Here are some scripture that talk about our priorities:

Matthew 6:33 “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; …

Matthew 22:36-40 “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law? Jesus replied: “ ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

Philippians 3:7-8 “But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ…”

Scheduling your time:

The only way we can get balanced is to schedule times for our activities.  We start with the most important areas and work our way down to the least.  Some should be daily activities like praying (preferably with your spouse) and spending time in the word.  Other activities like exercise might be 3 times per week, etc.  It is important to note that if you have never exercised or read the Bible, I suggest you start small and build up so you won’t get burned out.  Start with just 5 minutes per day reading the Bible for example and add as you grow.  The same with exercise – don’t commit to one hour of exercising if you have never done it.  Just start with a few minutes once or twice per week and as you feel motivated add additional time.

In addition, don’t work 7 days per week.  Take off a day and relax to re-charge your batteries.

Keys to happiness exercise:

• Ask God for help and direction (ask Jesus into your life if you have not done so already…  He’s your guide, your helper and your key to happiness).
• Set some time aside to set your priorities
• Set a schedule that is workable.

Other great resources on this subject check out :
Encouraging Bible Verses on Balance, Focus on the Family, Christian Challenge on Balance.

May you find happiness by balancing your life!  We hope these tips help you get started.

Check in next week for another key to happiness.  Get notified via e-mail here.

For past keys to happiness click here!

Key to Happiness #13 – Being Passionate About Your Work

We all know what it feels like to work for a paycheck just to make a living.  I’ve been there a few times in my life.  Have you?  If you’re honest, you probably have too.  When you add the normal pressures and stresses of life, a seemingly meaningless job can make your existence a living hell.  You wake up on Monday morning and you wish it was Friday afternoon.  Especially now in this tough economy, there are lots of very talented and accomplished people who have been laid off and now are taking lesser jobs just to pay the bills.

I remember when I was growing up in Austria.  I was not quite 15 years old and, like all kids my age, I was faced with a huge life decision – should I go to the university or go into an apprenticeship to learn a profession?  At that time, about 70% of kids my age chose an apprenticeship and about 30% went to the university.

Think about that – it’s hard enough to figure out what to do with your life in your twenties –so imagine how hard it is when you’re just 15 years of age!  Well, since my mom had owned restaurants since I was just a tot and I had grown up helping in the kitchen, I thought an apprenticeship in that industry was the way to go.  I spent 4 years in an apprenticeship (free labor to a local proprietor if the truth be told) and several more years working on a cruise ship practicing my profession.  I was pretty good at it.  Then, one day it hit me – I have absolutely no passion for preparing, delivering or managing food in any way, shape or form!  The thought of dedicating the rest of my life to this industry is beyond depressing.

 I was lost for a few years trying a variety of jobs.   It wasn’t until after I’d been in America for a couple years that I finally discovered a true passion – advertising.  I stumbled into it really, just setting appointments for a little coupon company in the beginning, but I quickly realized I had an affinity to the whole world of advertising and marketing.  I had always been a great observer of people and so I had good instincts about what would, and would not get their attention.  I loved the creativity.  25 years later, I am still fascinated with the art of it and I feel blessed to have found something I enjoy so much.

America, the land of opportunity.

Unless you’ve lived in another country, you can’t really appreciate what we have here in the good ole U.S. of A.  There is so much opportunity here…even now in this tough economy!  In Austria as a child the word was that in America the streets were lined with gold and all you have to do is pick it up.  Anyone with a dream can make it there!  It takes a little bit of imagination, a little faith and a lot of work…that’s all.  Well, this is actually true!  My mom was a determined go-getter opening and running a restaurant while raising three kids, so I had a good role model for setting goals and working towards them.  After 25 years in the states, the problem I notice with most Americans is that they never heard the part about planning and actually working towards their goals… but that’s another lesson.

We’re meant to work. 

Here is what the Bible has to say about your responsibility to work:

Genesis 2:15
The LORD God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it.

Proverbs 14:23
All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty.

Ecclesiastes 9:10
Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might, for in the grave, where you are going, there is neither working nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom.

2 Thessalonians 3:10
For even when we were with you, we gave you this rule: “If a man will not work, he shall not eat.”

Reevaluating your work:

The first thing we need to do is evaluate what we do for a living and asking ourselves, why do we do what we do?  What kind of work would we do if we had all the money in the world?  These are not easy questions, and the answers are not necessarily obvious, however, we need to find the answer.

Satisfaction from work:

If we truly are working within the gifts that God has given each of us, there will be a tremendous satisfaction that comes from that.  You also will find that since you’re excited about it, you’re also interested in learning everything there is to know about that work, which will show in your performance.  Because of this, there is also a higher likelihood that you will get promoted.

Dealing with life’s passions:

At one point or another, we all have dreams of becoming a professional sports star, a rock star or a famous actor, etc.  I know several friends who have amazing gifts in acting, singing, art and sports.  At the same time, being able to make a living in these industries can be extremely difficult.  Only a very small percentage of people actually make a living at these professions. 

So, what do we do with those Gifts?  One thing we should look at is our motivation.  What is our goal?  Is it to become famous or be someone great?  Do we have selfish reasons or do we want to use those gifts to be a blessing to others?  Do we ask God…”Lord how would you want me to use those gifts you have blessed me with?”  Your happiness will depend on how you answer this question.

 Even if you’re not able to make a living, your gifts and passions should provide a great deal of fulfillment and happiness.

Making a transition to find more fulfilling work.

Transitioning out of a job and especially a career will not be an easy move to make.  The first thing I would recommend is praying about it.  God wants you to find the work and interests He has created you for more than you do!  Talk to Him.  He wants to guide you!

Here is what the Bible has to say about seeking wisdom:

Proverbs 11:2
When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.

Ecclesiastes 2:26
To the man who pleases him, God gives wisdom, knowledge and happiness, but to the sinner he gives the task of gathering and storing up wealth to hand it over to the one who pleases God.

James 1:5
If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.

Psalm 1:1-3
Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. But his delight is in the law of the LORD; and in his law doth he meditate day and night. And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper.

Psalm 37:5
Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass. 

Proverbs 3:5-10
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the Lord, and depart from evil. It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones. Honour the Lord with thy substance, and with the firstfruits of all thine increase: So shall thy barns be filled with plenty, and thy presses shall burst out with new wine.

Ecclesiastes 3:13
And also that every man should eat and drink, and enjoy the good of all his labour, it is the gift of God.

Matthew 6:33
But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

I wish I could say that I have always taken my own advice here.  Honestly, however, I have not and it has cost me dearly the times when I haven’t.  Ask your Father in heaven to show you the interests and giftings – that is step one.  The succeeding steps have to do with the timing and partnerships that may be required.  God might begin to unfold your dream and show you a new career, but the timing might not be right.  He might want to teach you something else by making you wait as He prepares you.  Just remember that His plans for you are good and rich with the promise that He wants to see you happy and fulfilled.  Seeking His will can save you a lot of wasted time and a lot of pain.  For step by step direction on how to find work that is fulfilling, follow the exercise below.

Keys to happiness exercise:

• Ask God for help and direction (ask Jesus into your life if you have not done so already…  He’s your guide, your helper and your key to happiness).
• Set some time aside to think about why you do what you do.
• Think about your true passions and how you could possibly make a living.
• Make a plan, set some goals, and work toward that goal each and every day.
• Keep working on those Gifts.
• Continue to seek God’s will.
• Never give up on your dream

Other great success resources on this subject check out:

Here is a great article by Sharon Teitelbaum titled “Being passionate about your work”
Another great article by Janine Milne titled “Learning to be passionate about your work”

Previous Happiness Lessons:

How to find Happiness – 15 Lesson Series – Overview

How to find Happiness – Introduction

How to find Happiness – Key #1 – A relationship with God

How to find Happiness – Key #2 – Being thankful

How to find Happiness - Key #3 – Forgive yourself

How to find Happiness - Key #4 – Learning How to forgive others

How to find Happiness - Key #5 – Living in the present

How to find Happiness - Key #6 – Overcoming fear

How to find Happiness - Key #7 – Giving of your money

How to find Happiness - Key #8 – Giving of your time

How to find Happiness - Key #9 – Putting God first

How to find Happiness - Key #10 – Setting Goals

How to find Happiness – Key #11 – Making Friends and Meeting New People

How to find Happiness – Key #12 – MaStaying Active

May you find happiness by finding fulfilling work.  We hope these tips help you get started.

Check in next week for another key to happiness.  Get notified via e-mail here.

Key to Happiness #12 – Staying Active

We’ve all seen it, maybe even in our own families.  Someone retires and within just a few years they deteriorate mentally and physically and die.  Their work was their life and their purpose.  They no longer had work to give them direction and they did not replace that activity with something else.  Their health and their will to live just evaporated.  And of course, we all know about the empty nest issue most parents deal with.  Their whole purpose was their kids, and one day they realize the kids have grown up…and they’re gone.  The house is empty and their lives seem to have lost their purpose.

What happened?   Many studies have been done that show that people who stay active physically and mentally are much healthier and happier than those who do not.  Should that be a surprise?  Not really.  At the same time, I’m not saying that we should fill every moment of our days with activities.  Everything needs to be done in balance.

Sometimes sickness, depression, loneliness, etc., can make us want to stay in our houses and veg out and do nothing, which only feeds whatever we’re suffering from even more.

Staying active has several parts:

• Staying active physically
• Staying active mentally
• Staying active socially (see previous Happiness articles like “Making New Friends and Meeting New People” and “Giving of your Time”.

Staying active physically:

This is not an easy task, especially when you’re in pain.  In my case…and maybe in your case too, doing any kind of exercise after a long day at work is the last thing I want to do.  So what do we do?  I know that exercise is good for me and a very important part of taking care of this temple of the Holy Spirit, but do I always feel like doing it?  No.  Oh, I don’t think you have to be too rigid with yourself, but when I feel like that, most of the time I pray to Jesus and ask Him to give me strength.   Then, just a block or two into my speed walk (with my two Border Collies) I have totally forgotten how tired and cranky I was!

Again, don’t over-commit…like committing to 7 days per week 2 hours per day.  You’d just set yourself up for failure.   What you’re trying to do is form a habit.  As you go along, you will naturally feel better and end up doing more than just the minimum.  For me, getting to the gym is the hard part.  Once I’m there, it’s really not that hard.  95% of success is just showing up.

Here are some tips:

• Set a schedule.  Some days might be easier than others
• Start with a light schedule…like 3 days per week for 15 minutes each.
• Depending on your physical ability, you might just walk for a couple blocks
• Partner up with others…it makes it a lot more fun.  I happen to walk with my wife and our dogs.  It also provides a great time to talk and spend time together.

Here is what the Bible says about staying active physically:

Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price.  So glorify God in your body. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

For while bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come. 1 Timothy 4:8

Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.  He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable.  He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength.  Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.  Isaiah 40:28-31

Staying active mentally:

Sometimes when I’m tired, I don’t feel like doing anything but vegging out watching TV.  I’m not saying that you should never do that…just don’t make it a habit.  It’s easy to slide into a routine that includes 2–5 hours of TV per day.  Just as with physical activity, it takes effort to get out of that rut.  The amazing thing is that when we do keep our minds sharp, we’re happier and more fulfilled…amazing.

There are many things that we can do like read a book, learn something new…like computers, painting, study a new language.  I personally like Woodworking.  It takes a lot of mental focus and to me it’s a great way to relax.  As we learn and/or accomplish something new, it gives us a sense of satisfaction.  Just as with physical activity…don’t over-commit.  Start small with short term projects.  As you get more comfortable with your new activity, you can plan longer term projects.

Here is what the Bible says about exercising your brain:

“My son, preserve sound judgment and discernment, do not let them out of your sight; they will be life for you, an ornament to grace your neck. Then you will go on your way in safety, and your foot will not stumble. ”   Proverbs 3:21-23

“He who gets wisdom loves his own soul; he who cherishes understanding prospers.” Proverbs 19:8

“Show me thy ways, O Lord; teach me thy paths.  Lead me in thy truth, and teach me.” Psalm 25:4-5

Keys to happiness exercise:

• Ask God for help and strength and courage (ask Jesus into your life if you have not done so already.  He’s your helper and healer)
• Set some time aside every week for physical, mental and communal activities.  Start small…don’t over commit.
• Partner up with someone if possible

For other great resources on this subject check out Staying Active on WomensHeath.org.   For resources on staying active mentally check out Alz.org.  For additional info on staying active physically check out www.CDC.org.

Previous Happiness Lessons:

How to find Happiness – 15 Lesson Series – Overview

How to find Happiness – Introduction

How to find Happiness – Key #1 – A relationship with God

How to find Happiness – Key #2 – Being thankful

How to find Happiness - Key #3 – Forgive yourself

How to find Happiness - Key #4 – Learning How to forgive others

How to find Happiness - Key #5 – Living in the present

How to find Happiness - Key #6 – Overcoming fear

How to find Happiness - Key #7 – Giving of your money

How to find Happiness - Key #8 – Giving of your time

How to find Happiness - Key #9 – Putting God first

How to find Happiness - Key #10 – Setting Goals

How to find Happiness – Key #11 – Making Friends and Meeting New People

May you find happiness by staying active.  We hope these tips help you get started.

Check in next week for another key to happiness.  Get notified via e-mail here.

Key #11 to Happiness - Making Friends and Meeting New People!

We humans were never meant to be alone.  We are made to interact with other people and are much happier when we do.

I can sure relate to this one.  I had the pleasure of working from home for almost 20 years, which, at the time, I truly enjoyed.  As the years went on, however, I realized I wasn’t meeting new people – and thus, not making many new friends.  Being isolated 8-5 Monday through Friday wasn’t all it was cracked up to be.  My wife worked from home too and we really began to long for opportunities to make new friends and rub elbows more often with interesting people.

People who are isolated have more of a tendency to be depressed and not feel good about themselves.  I know this was true for me.  Sure, spending quiet, private time daily with the Lord is essential, but overall, it is important that we resist the urge to avoid others and spend most of our time alone.  For most, it leads to serious disillusionment and loneliness.

Some of you who are reading this article might think that no one likes you and therefore you are hesitant to meet new people.  There are some people who seem to make new friends very easily.  For others, however, it seems impossible.  If this describes you, I want you to know that this is a lie straight from hell.  First of all, Jesus likes you and made you just exactly the way He wanted.  He loves you no matter what you have done…or haven’t done. 

God is faithful (reliable, trustworthy, and therefore ever true to His promise, and He can be depended on); by Him you were called into companionship and participation with His Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.
1 Corinthians 1: 9

And the scripture was fulfilled that says, “Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness,” and he was called God’s friend.  James 2:23

Others will like you too once they get to know you.  We all have good and bad qualities, including the new people you meet.  Only one Person is/was/and ever will be perfect…and His initials are J.C.   All of the people you will meet have their own set of insecurities and challenges.  They want to make friends too but feel uncomfortable about allowing themselves to be seen by new people. 

Will you get along with everyone and have everyone like you?  No way.  At the same time, why not make an effort?  When you do, you will meet some great people and some will even turn out to be true lifelong friends.

Here are some Bible verses:

A friend loves at all times, and is born, as is a brother, for adversity. Proverbs 17: 17

Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.   1 John 4:11

Oil and perfume rejoice the heart; so does the sweetness of a friend’s counsel that comes from the heart. Proverbs 27: 9

As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend. Proverbs 27: 17

“Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.”  Romans 12:9-10

Reaching out to meet people:

As I said before, most people have their own issues and often will not approach you.  You’ll need to make an effort.  In fact, most likely, you’ll have to make the first move.  I know it can be scary.  Heck, I’d rather everyone reach out to me too.  But 99% of the time, they’ll even tell you how much they appreciate your effort!  You might want to invite people from work to a barbeque at your house, or give them your business card and ask them to have lunch sometime.

Where to meet people:

We’ve met some great friends going to the dog park or at a church picnic when you’re standing around eating food.  Just get out.  Go places where people are.

How to meet people:

This isn’t really deep but…just say “hi, my name is…!”  Give them a compliment on something you like about them or something they’re doing.  Also remember, people like to talk about themselves.  Be interested in them…pretty soon you will discover an interest or something you have in common.  Focus on them and you’ll make lots of friends.  If you hit it off, invite them out for coffee or lunch, arrange to get together or just give them your card or phone number.

Once you get to know people, make an effort to cultivate your friendships.  Get together with at  least a friend once every week or two.  You might have to initiate these invitations, but remember, you’ll be the one that will be more fulfilled and happier for it.

I recently practiced what I’m preaching as my wife was out of town visiting family for a week.  It can get pretty lonely when we’re by ourselves, so I decided to invite several people over that have not seen for a while.  All of us were blessed by this outreach with a good time and great conversation, plus we got to know each other just a little more.

Keys to happiness exercise:

• Ask God for help and courage (ask Jesus into your life if you have not done so already.  He’s the best friend you’ll ever have)
• Look for a church that you can meet people.  Stick around after service and introduce yourself.
• Go to some events or places where people are and start conversations.  If you have a dog, visit the dog park.
• Make a plan to call and invite current friends you would like to spend time with.
• Pray to God that He will help you make new friends.

Previous Happiness Lessons:

How to find Happiness – 15 Lesson Series – Overview

How to find Happiness – Introduction

How to find Happiness – Key #1 – A relationship with God

How to find Happiness – Key #2 – Being thankful

How to find Happiness - Key #3 – Forgive yourself

How to find Happiness - Key #4 – Learning How to forgive others

How to find Happiness - Key #5 – Living in the present

How to find Happiness - Key #6 – Overcoming fear

How to find Happiness - Key #7 – Giving of your money

How to find Happiness - Key #8 – Giving of your time

How to find Happiness - Key #9 – Putting God first

How to find Happiness - Key #10 – Setting Goals

May you find happiness by making new friends and spending more time with people you already know! 

Check in next week for another key to happiness.  Get notified via e-mail here.

Key #10 to Happiness – Setting Goals

There are many reasons to set goals.  People who set clear goals not only experience more success in their lives, but they are usually also happier and less stressed.

We can all look at our past and analyze different stages of our lives and see that we’ve been happier when we have had something to look forward to…and that is what having dreams, setting goals and visualizing them is all about.  Goals are nothing more than dreams with a deadline.

But what about people who don’t have a clear passion or direction for their lives – no goals?  Should they just pick something arbitrarily?  If this describe you, don’t worry.  Keep reading!  There is a special section for you half way through this lesson.

Here are some of my favorite quotes on goal setting and success:

“The person who makes a success of living is the one who sees his goal steadily and aims for it unswervingly.” -  Cecil B. De Mille

“We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.” – Oscar Wilde

“Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.”  – Henry Ford

“Aim at heaven and you get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.” - C. S. Lewis

“Give yourself the freedom to explore the possibility of life without limits. Goals are dreams with deadlines, a means to an end but not the ultimate purpose of life.” – Glynis Nunn

Here is what the Bible says about fulfilling your purpose in life, goal setting and success:

“Where there is no vision, the people perish”.  Proverbs 29:18

“I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus”.  Phil 3:14

“A man’s heart plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps.”  Proverbs 16:9

“This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate in it day and night, that you may observe to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.”   Josh 1:8

“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.  “For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.”  Matt 7:7-8

“But his delight is in the law of the LORD, and in His law he meditates day and night. He shall be like a tree Planted by the rivers of water, that brings forth its fruit in its season, Whose leaf also shall not wither; And whatever he does shall prosper.”  Psalms 1:2-3

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.”  Proverbs 3:5-6

“I will lift up my eyes to the hills–From whence comes my help?  My help comes from the LORD, Who made heaven and earth”.  Psalms 121:1-2

Goals give us focus.  This is especially important when we’re depressed or down on ourselves.  At those times, we need to take our focus off the current situation and focus or re-focus on the overall goals and dreams… or maybe set some new goals.  Setting goals is a lifelong process that needs to be renewed and reviewed all the time…at least once every few months.

But what about people who don’t think they have any goals?

Rest assured, God has put purpose and goals in every one of His masterpieces (humans that is, and that means you too).  If you don’t think you have any goals, ask God to let the ones He’s put in your heart and spirit to bubble up to the forefront of your mind.  Some people have never allowed themselves to know what they want.  If this is you, just ask God to help you in this area.  It’s His greatest joy to watch you become everything He planned for you!

People who think they have no goals are usually comparing themselves to others who are exceptionally ambitious and verbal about strong personal achievement goals.  You know who I’m talking about – they are the ones who talk about being the president of a Fortune 500 company by the time they’re 40, a huge music or movie star, or the biggest contractor in the city by age 35!  Of course some of these people will achieve these goals, and that’s great.  Don’t forget however, the most important goal of all should be to hear those cherished words, “Well done good and faithful servant, you were faithful over a few things, now I will make you ruler over many” by Jesus Himself when He welcomes you into the Kingdom for all eternity!  So, let the driven people be who they were meant to be – you get to be the person God made you to be!  He has more good thoughts about you than there are grains of sand on all the seas of the world – and all these thoughts include great plans (and goals) for you. (Psalms 139:17 & Jer 29:11)

Goal setting is important for all areas of our lives.

• • Spiritual Goals (like being more like Jesus)
  • Family Goals (like being a better spouse or a better father)
  • Health Goals (like losing 20 lbs.)
  • Business Goals (like increase sales)
  • Financial Goals (like becoming debt free)
  • Social Goals (like making some new friends)
  • Charity Goals (like giving more)
  • Other Important Goals (like having more balance)

Correct Goal Setting Process:

Identify an overall goal or dream (let’s say that you would like to be healthier)

• • Break the goal down into specific goals (like losing 24 lbs.)
  • Set a deadline (like…lose 24 lbs. in 6 months)
  • Break it down into monthly and weekly goals (4 lbs. per month or 1 lb. per week)
  • Determine daily tasks (not eating desert or minimizing your calorie intake or running 3 times per week for 1 mile to achieve your goals).

Keys to happiness exercise:

• • Ask God for help (ask Jesus into your life if you have not done so already) Email me if you’d like more direction. info@successandfailure.net
  • Take some time on finding a meaningful why and set long term goals – They can’t be someone else’s goals…they have to be your own.
  • Set realistic goals – It’s the difference between successfully reaching your goals and setting yourself up for failure.  Let’s say that you wanted to lose 24 lbs.  If you have not run for 20 years, it would be foolish to set an action plan to run 10 miles per day.  It’s better to be more conservative and increase your activity as you get a feel what you can realistically do.
  • Be consistent with your activity – 90% of success is just showing up. Don’t underestimate this part.  Better to commit to less and be consistent than to commit to too much and then quit soon after you start.
  • Visualize your why and goals at least once each week
  • Look at your goals and action plan several times per week and adjust it if necessary
  • Hint – if you’re unable to perform your daily and weekly tasks or start making excuses – spend more time on your why (you’re probably having trouble because it’s not real to you – most likely from someone else such as an overbearing parent, teacher or other influential person in your life – ask God to help you hear Him alone)

For additional info on goal setting see our Goal Setting Webinar.

Previous Happiness Lessons:

How to find Happiness – 15 Lesson Series – Overview

How to find Happiness – Introduction

How to find Happiness – Key #1 – A relationship with God

How to find Happiness – Key #2 – Being thankful

How to find Happiness - Key #3 – Forgive yourself

How to find Happiness - Key #4 – Learning How to forgive others

How to find Happiness - Key #5 – Living in the present

How to find Happiness - Key #6 – Overcoming fear

How to find Happiness - Key #7 – Giving of your money

How to find Happiness - Key #8 – Giving of your time

How to find Happiness - Key #9 – Putting God first

Check in next week for another key to happiness.  Get notified via e-mail

We were dancing

When the music stopped

I wondered where it had gone

I tried

to listen

to discern

What had happened to the beautiful music that had once played

The music that had

kept me

held me

Embraced me with so much love

I did not know where to turn

What would happen next

Would all the life be gone

Would I wake up and see that I was just another

Virgin without a lamp

Would I find out that I had

Chosen the wrong way

Taken a wrong turn

Taken my eyes off the One I love

Will I be the one

Who’s left

Never seeing

Never perceiving

Never knowing

Never Trusting

No I will NOT

Let this be said of me

I will be the one who

listens

hears

knows

I will be the one

giving

dancing

To the beautiful music

I will be the one embracing the One I love so…

Allow me this once more

To hear the music

Give me the freedom in You once more

To feel the rythm

To know the beat

To hear what others don’t

To walk that walk

Dance that dance

Love that love that I have known

~Bambi
March 30, 2010

Key #9 to Happiness – Putting God First

We all have priorities in life.  When it comes to happiness people all have different goals, needs, hopes and desires.  What makes one person happy may not even come close to satisfying another.  Whatever is most important to us will always come first in our lives.  That which we love the most will always be our highest priority.  The things and people that bring us joy and happiness will always get the most of our time and attention.   So, the question is this, what matters most to you?  What is the first priority of your life? Is it your family, children, career, money, material things?  Is it achieving fame or status?  Maybe your appearance is most important to you?   First identify what you are actually putting first in your life.  Discover why it so important to put God first and what happens when other things and people come before God.  Lastly learn specific ways to put God first and help you begin to put God first in your life right away.

Lamentations 3:40 (New International Version)

Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the LORD.

Psalm 26:2 (New International Version)

Test me, O LORD, and try me, examine my heart and my mind;

Identifying what you really put first in your life:

Learning what your true priorities are in life is really pretty simple to do.  Start by asking yourself this, “what do I spend my time, energy and effort on most?”  If you have to, grab a piece of paper and pen and roughly write out a list of what you generally do each day, from start to finish, first thing in the morning to bedtime.   Can you recognize any patterns or things of special interest? Whatever you devote most of your time, money, energy, and efforts to is what you are putting first in your life.  God knows the truth and He knows your heart.  He knows what means the most to you and where you’re true devotion lies.

Deuteronomy 6:5 (New International Version)

Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.

Jeremiah 17:10 (New International Version)

“I the LORD search the heart and examine the mind, to reward a man according to his conduct, according to what his deeds deserve.”

Do not worry God is so full of love.  God is faithful to forgive us.

1 John 1:9 (New International Version)

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

Putting God first is important for obtaining happiness:

Putting God first is extremely important for many reasons, but one of those reasons is that it does produce happiness in our lives.  The reason we should put God first is because of our love for Him.  We should find happiness and joy in putting God first.  Happiness is not the reason or the motive it is the reward, it is the harvest, and it is the blessing.  How exciting and wonderful this is.  Our reward for making God our first priority is happiness and joy and blessings.

Psalm 37:4 (New International Version)

Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.

If you delight in the Lord he will give you the desires of your heart.  There is true happiness in delighting in the Lord.

Psalm 35:9 (New International Version)

Then my soul will rejoice in the LORD and delight in his salvation

Psalm 65:4

Blessed (happy, fortunate, to be envied) is the man whom You choose and cause to come near, that he may dwell in Your courts! We shall be satisfied with the goodness of Your house, Your holy temple.

Psalm 112:1 (Amplified Bible)

PRAISE THE Lord! (Hallelujah!) Blessed (happy, fortunate, to be envied) is the man who fears (reveres and worships) the Lord, who delights greatly in His commandments.

Matthew 6:32-34 (Amplified Bible)

For the Gentiles (heathen) wish for and crave and diligently seek all these things, and your heavenly Father knows well that you need them all.  But seek ([a]aim at and strive after) first of all His kingdom and His righteousness ([b]His way of doing and being right), and then all these things [c]taken together will be given you besides. So do not worry or be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will have worries and anxieties of its own. Sufficient for each day is its own trouble.

Putting God first is more than a goal to keep in mind.  Putting God first is the main ingredient to happiness. Without God being first in your life the recipe for happiness will not ever come out right. No matter how hard you try, you can not make yourself happy and other people (all in themselves) can not make you happy either. It also makes sense that no inanimate thing can bring happiness either. Only God can give us an abundant and fruitful life.

The outcome of failing to put God first in our lives:

When we fail to put God first we fail miserably.  We do not reach happiness.  We then turn to other things and try to replace the missing ingredient in our lives.  We turn to habits, addictions, we try to fill our time and entertain our minds and we seek alternate means of pleasure.  We discover that nothing else could ever be enough.  It is like trying to bake a cake without flour.  It is like a turkey sandwich without turkey.  It could never satisfy because it is missing the main ingredient!

God wants for us to seek Him first and to delight in Him.  He wants to be the one to give us happiness, joy and abounding blessings!  When we try to please ourselves or seek out happiness on our own apart from God, not only do fail to find it, we also slip farther and farther away from Him and our only real hope of happiness. We end up angry, sad, depressed and feeling unloved and unaccepted.

Cain is not a favorite of most people.  He is known and remembered for killing his brother Abel out of cold blood.  We can actually learn a lot from the story.  Take a moment and read it.

Genesis 4

AND ADAM knew Eve as his wife, and she became pregnant and bore Cain; and she said, I have gotten and gained a man with the help of the Lord.  And [next] she gave birth to his brother Abel. Now Abel was a keeper of sheep, but Cain was a tiller of the ground.  And in the course of time Cain brought to the Lord an offering of the fruit of the ground.  And Abel brought of the firstborn of his flock and of the fat portions. And the Lord had respect and regard for Abel and for his offering, But for Cain and his offering He had no respect or regard. So Cain was exceedingly angry and indignant, and he looked sad and depressed.  And the Lord said to Cain, Why are you angry? And why do you look sad and depressed and dejected?  If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin crouches at your door; its desire is for you, but you must master it.

Cain felt dejected, and when God did not respect or accept his offering it made him exceedingly angry and indignant, and he looked sad and depressed.  This is the same outcome for us when we fail to put God first.  We end up allowing sin to master us and we achieve the exact opposite of happiness.

Specific ways to put God first in your life:

In looking at the story of Cain again we read that God saw how Cain was behaving, and He noticed how Cain was feeling.  He came to Him in love much the way any loving parent would go to their child.  He asked Cain why he was feeling that way, even though He all ready knew the answer. He questioned Cain saying, “If you do well, will you not be accepted?”  He also explained that if he didn’t do well he was only opening himself up to trouble.  Sin is there waiting at our door, it desires us but we must master it through Christ Jesus.

Here are some specific things we can do to put God first, but be creative, and find new ways to show God you love Him and you are so happy and full of joy because of Him.  The basic idea is to put Gods will above your own.  If you really want to you can think of endless ways to demonstrate how much God really means to you.

Keys to happiness exercise:

1. Read the Word of God and desire to do well and follow God’s commands.  Find happiness and joy and take delight in God.
2. Begin each day in devotion to God.  In prayer, study, and praise.  Offer God your first time.  It is a very special time of day to seek God and pray.  We are rested and alert and blessed to have a new day.
3. Offer thanks to God for your food and drink and give God of your first fruits.  Be sure to give to God and toward the Kingdom of God. Give as Abel gave.  Give God of your first and best.  Give with a glad heart and offer up your praises to God too.
4. Trust God to provide your heart’s desires and all of your needs.  God promises that if we seek the kingdom of God first that God will make sure to provide all we need.
5. Seek God first in all aspects of your life.  Seek God first in regard to relationships, finances, dreams, hopes and desires, in your career and in every part of your life.
6. Attend Church (if you don’t all ready)
7. Begin a spiritual journal devoted to bible study and prayer.

In conclusion, God loves you and wants you to be happy.  God wants to provide you with all you need and even your heart’s desire.  God has proved His great love to us by giving His only Begotten Son so that our sins might be forgiven and so that we can have life everlasting in Christ Jesus.  He gave His ALL for all of us.  Jesus gave His all.  He willingly and lovingly gave His life on the cross as a perfect, sinless sacrifice for our sins.  There is no greater love than the love of God.  His love, His salvation, His happiness and joy are all gifts from God to you.  All you have to do is believe it, accept it, confess it and live it.   Begin to put God first right now and begin to live life more abundantly!

John 3:16 (New International Version)

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

John 6:47 (New International Version)

I tell you the truth, he who believes has everlasting life.

John 10:10 (New International Version)

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

Previous Happiness Lessons:

How to find Happiness – 15 Lesson Series – Overview

How to find Happiness – Introduction

How to find Happiness – Key #1 – A relationship with God

How to find Happiness – Key #2 – Being Thankful

How to find Happiness – 15 Lesson Series – Overview

How to find Happiness - Key #4 – Learning How to forgive others

How to find Happiness - Key #5 – Living in the present

How to find Happiness - Key #6 – Overcoming fear

How to find Happiness - Key #7 – Giving of your money

How to find Happiness - Key #8 – Giving of your time

May you find happiness through giving of yourself!  Check in next week for another key to happiness.  Get notified via e-mail

Key #8 to Happiness – Giving of your time.

Personally, it’s easier for me to give of my money than my time.  As a busy person, and who isn’t?  When I get home from work or fantasize about a restful weekend, the last thing I want to do is pile on additional obligations that might compromise my well-deserved R&R.  Now of course, a good balance of work, play and rest is an important part of life.

Giving of your time as a volunteer:

Sometimes we can feel overwhelmed by thinking that our measly efforts can’t really make a big impact.  We see the immensity of the need in the world and the pitiful smallness of our own contribution, and end up wondering if I have the ability to make any difference at all.  I remember when I got involved with a local homeless shelter that had 100 beds.  I thought, wow – 100 beds!  This is a huge operation!  It sounded like we were helping a significant number of desperately needy people.  But then I heard that there were over 15,000 homeless people within that same valley.  I couldn’t believe it!  The percentage we were helping was pathetically small compared to the magnitude of the need.  I mentioned this to the shelter’s director and he said, “Yes, but as small as our efforts are, they make a huge difference to the 100 people who we daily feed and provide food and safe shelter for their families.”

It never fails.  When I try to bless people by helping out, I inevitably find myself blessed more than those I am supposedly helping.   But wait – are their needs real or am I just making them up so I can jump in and feel like a hero?  No, some peoples’ situations are desperate and they really do need help.  But the depth of humility and satisfaction that God blesses me with exceeds the degree of my contribution by so far that I often wonder – who is really ministering to whom?

Being able to participate in the delivery of real basic needs to truly needy people gives you a sense of gratitude, happiness and thanksgiving for all the blessings in your life.  I promise you, by getting involved, you will develop a passion for the needy.

You don’t have to work with the homeless to be a volunteer.   There are many worthwhile causes and organizations that serve the community…and they all need your help.  Look for an organization you can believe in and figure out a way to serve.  You will be blessed…guaranteed!

Look for a local ministry first.  Here is a great website that lists additional organizations.  http://www.charitynavigator.org/

Here is what the Bible has to say about serving others:

A couple years ago I was on mission in Mexico. On the final night the Church we were partnering with had a long service. On this night my friend decided to buy a ice cold coke for a young local girl (maybe 9). This being a rare treat for her she gladly took it but nursed it down slowly. Later in the church service she pulled the bottle out, She offered a drink the same man who bought it earlier. He knew by now it had been shaken in dance,was room temp (close to 90), and maybe 50% backwash.

What a parable, God gives us everything, absolutely everything we have. We take it we use it and then we “offer” it to God, like it is something great. when in all reality it’s just a warm flat soda.

So to finish the story, My friend took the Coke and took a drink with a smile, not out of duty or guilt, but knowing this was all She had, and all she had to ofter, and she offered it in Love.

I know God Does the same thing. He accepts what we offer in joy, when we are offering in love, not just out of duty or ceremony.

Key #7 to Happiness – The Quality Giving of Your Money

I have learned that money is not fun for most people because most people do not realize that you have to understand it and if you are negative about money, or are consumed by it, you are never going to be happy or have a lot of it.  Your financial plans are never going to succeed.

And it does not matter if you make $20,000 per year or $100,000.  The principal still applies.

If you find yourself searching for more happiness, stability and growth in your financial health, consider what the Bible has to say about money.  There is a wealth of information found there, as well as a number of valuable lessons.

And what about happiness?  Is it possible to find it in the midst of financial turmoil or the everyday mundane living of life?  Oh, yes, I believe it can and countless scores of other people do also.

What I have for you today are three Keys to the Quality Giving of Your Money.  They work because they are personal.  And when you dealing with your own finances, you must make it personal or it will never work.

Key #1 Help Others by Helping Yourself

Money should not be your master and it should not control you.  Effective Christian financial planning uses the tools provided by God as a way to meet your needs – not the “gotta haves”. There is only to be one master and that is God, not Mammon (who was the god of money).

So what do you do when the ends do not meet?  Or you have nothing extra to give?  The first thing is to take a look at your monthly expenses and figure out ways to reduce them.  Live simply.

Are you always on the lookout for ways to save money?  Do you have a personal spending plan (budget) and are faithful in its execution?  Do you tithe?  Helping yourself by being able to say yes to all three of these questions will ensure you continue to be able to help others and happiness will reign.

Key #2  Do Your Finances Reflect Your Faith?

In today’s modern world, the idea of tithes and offerings to God in Christian finances has fallen by the wayside.  Many are struggling financially, and the idea of relinquishing some of your financial wealth or possessions simply does not seem like good financial sense.

However, it is not about the giving his own money to the Lord, but rather an act of returning it to the original owner.  All things exist through His grace, and therefore in truth, the wealth that you have, you keep only as a steward upon his behalf.  When a Christian chooses not to tithe and give offerings, he is in fact stealing from God.

Will a man rob God?  Yet ye have robbed me.  But ye say, ‘Wherein have we robbed thee?  In tithes and offerings.  Ye are cursed with a curse, for ye have robbed me, even this whole nation. Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the Lord of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessings that there shall not be room enough to receive it.  Malachi 3:8-10

Aside from not stealing from God, the passage in Malachi quoted above provides a very real incentive.

Whatever is returned to God, he will return back yet again in good measure, pressed down, and shaken together and running over, shall men give into your bosom.  For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again. Luke 6:38

Wow, sounds like an incredible recipe for happiness to me!

Key #3 You Cannot Out-Give God

God gives us life. There cannot be any more giving than that, but he took it a step further and not only gave life to US, but gave US HIS own life so that we could be saved. This is the ultimate in charity – and no one can top it.  So forget trying to give more than God because you cannot. Instead, concentrate on giving out of obedience and a right heart (motives).

Every man according as he purposeth in his heart, so let him give; not grudgingly, or of necessity: for God loveth a cheerful giver.
2 Corinthians 9:7

Happiness and gratefulness abound.

Key #4 Have A Proper Perspective

When someone has a need I want to be able to help them up.  It could be time, or stuff, or money.  Whatever it might be, having the options available to bless someone else is a great position to be in.

Have you not seen or helped others who were in some pretty desperate situations?  It always makes me more grateful for what I do have.  This, my friend, is where joy, happiness, and contentment come to reside in your life and begin to consume you – no matter what financial situation you are in.

When I become a giver, I can look and see that my situation is not as bad as I thought it was.

When you are focused on somebody else, your own personal financial plan becomes a whole lot easier to manage.   Incredible benefits all around.

Take Some Action

Now, take these Keys to the Quality Giving of Your Money and do something.  Do you want the joy and happiness you seek?  Take action.  Information without implementation is just plain ‘ole entertainment.  And I know you are reading this simply to be entertained.  If so, you had better ask for your money back.

As Frederick Douglas once said, “It is time to start praying with your legs.”

Keys to happiness exercise:

• Ask God for help (ask Jesus into your life if you have not done so already)
• Start tithing 10% of your income
• Pray to God to help you let go of the obsession of money
• Give to someone in need (pray first) do it without trying to get recognition for it. God will know and love you for it.

Previous Happiness Lessons:

How to find Happiness – 15 Lesson Series – Overview

How to find Happiness – Introduction

How to find Happiness – Key #1 – A relationship with God

How to find Happiness – Key #2 – Being Thankful

How to find Happiness - Key #3 – Learning How to forgive yourself

How to find Happiness - Key #4 – Learning How to forgive others

How to find Happiness – Key #5 – Living in the present

How to find Happiness - Key #6 – Overcoming fear

Do you need Christian Financial Planning?  Providing answers to Christian finance questions

Key #5 to Happiness – Living without fear.

One thing among many that I hated prior to knowing Jesus Christ and the love of the Father intimately was some Christian spouting off “Christianese” at me. It was like a sugar-coated secret language that I could only learn after I gave up everything I had, everything I loved and I got ready to wear sack cloth and ashes. Not a very inviting prospective.

So, in order to not be one of those “people”, let me start this article with various things I found that were not in the bible.

I decided to search on my own via the vast search engines available to us for the things I would be talking about in this article. Happiness…joy….fear. Wow! Who knew how often these questions/words/solutions were addressed!  I couldn’t list them all. Here are a few:

Happiness: the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires : delight b : the expression or exhibition of such emotion : gaiety
2 : a state of happiness or felicity : bliss 3 : a source or cause of delight

And….

“One way to understand the difference between joy and happiness is to look at the opposites of the two feelings. The opposite of joy is fear while the opposite of happiness is unhappiness and misery.” Diffen.com

I liked this. The opposite of joy was fear. OK. What else? Again, the search reference for the word “fear” was endless. One definition of “fear” that I felt said it all:
F–FALSE
E–EVIDENCE
A–APPEARING
R—REAL

Then there were the unlimited famous/infamous quotations which I shrunk down to this small list:

“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself – nameless, unreasoning, unjustified, terror which

paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.”  FDR – First Inaugural Address, March 4, 1933

Courage is not the lack of fear but the ability to face it.” Lt. John B. Putnam Jr. (1921-1944)

“The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear.” H.P. Lovecraft
“The greatest obstacle to love is fear. It has been the source of all defects in human behavior throughout the ages.” Mahmoud Mohammed Taha

Fear makes the wolf bigger than he is.” German Proverb

I have German ancestors. None of them bothered to share that last one with me. I don’t think anyone bothered to share it with them either. On the contrary, all my ancestral roots (not limited to the Germanic only) learned to rule and dominate others with fear. It was a successful maneuver in many ways because it got people to do, or not to do, whatever they wanted. The bad news…it kept many from achieving all they could possibly be or were designed to be by Almighty God. Call it fear of failure, fear of success, fear of confrontation, fear of rejection, fear of abandonment, etc. It was still the same four letter word causing the same havoc and destruction of joy or happiness. FEAR!

This can be taught, learned, experienced or generational. It matters not from whence it came. It is a killer of life. It is a killer of dreams. It is a killer of others…either in their spirit or in their body.

I wanted to know how to stop this paralyzing and destructive force in my life. I wanted to have a better life. I tried everything from meditation to other forms of “religious and mind-empowering practices.” None of them worked. Some cost money. Most were not freely given. When all else failed I learned about something I hadn’t tried yet.

“But these are written (recorded) in order that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ (the Anointed One), the Son of God, and that through believing and cleaving to and trusting and relying upon Him you may have life through (in) His name [ through Who He is].” John 20:31

The Lord promises a free gift…His gift of love. The gift of Jesus. Someone who really thinks you’re important and really cares. It’s like having a great big daddy Who is always standing guard at all times so I can rest and not worry…and be happy:

“But [even] the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not be struck with fear or seized with alarm; you are of greater worth than many [flocks] of sparrows.” Luke 12:7

If you’ve never experienced this love, you’re missing one of the first tools to overcoming this four letter word (FEAR) and all its deadly entanglements. He promised us that “Perfect love gets rid of fear” and the name of Jesus is the embodiment of that perfect love demonstrated on this earth. It’s a name that He encouraged us to call out  – JESUS. The name that every/all powers must bow their knee to… JESUS! This was the name…the word… I learned to use early on with my walk through my personal battles.

You see, some of it this freedom walk was not easy for me and is not easy for most. The gift to start on the journey was/is free. But, like any good workout and muscle building program, you (we) have to do some of the work. Many times I wished that the trainer would do the exercises, magically touch my body and I’d be fifty pounds lighter and able to do things I did when I was twenty!  But alas, this is not possible. I have and had to do the work.

The reward was great as I strengthened my faith muscles and started to chip away at all the fear-based ideology that had been imbedded in me. I now look at “stuff” that is taking away my peace, my happiness and ask the Lord what the cause may be. One of the main questions that I usually ask is… ”What am I afraid of?”

If you find yourself battling this four letter word…start with His free gift. If you haven’t invited Jesus into your life as your Lord and Savior…give HIM a try. This Web site has tools on how to do this. It won’t cost you a thing. It’s between you and Him. He’s not like a lot of people who beat you over the head to get you to do something. No…it’s just the opposite. He stands at the door to your heart, knocks and then waits for an invitation to come in. He’s not pushy or punitive. He doesn’t want you to be afraid of Him. He’ll wait until you say “yes.” He won’t judge. He’ll wait until your “yes.”

Will happiness come immediately? I don’t know. Each and every experience is different. Like our fingerprints, no two people are alike. But I can guarantee one thing. You will never be alone again. You will always have the name of a Friend who you can on call at any time. JESUS. Once you mention His name…all hell runs away. They don’t like to be reminded of the ONE who is really in charge, who is really love and who will never leave us or forsake us.

Try studying these one day at a time for seven days. Have hope, have happiness and become fearless!

Day #1

The Lord is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me. Psalm 118:6

Day #2

Peace I leave with you; My [own] peace I now give and bequeath to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. [Stop allowing yourselves to be agitated and disturbed; and do not permit yourselves to be fearful and intimidated and cowardly and unsettled.] John 14:27

Day #3
For [the Spirit which] you have now received [is] not a spirit of slavery to put you once more in bondage to fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption [the Spirit producing son-ship] in [the bliss of] which we cry, Abba (Father)! Father! Romans 8:15

Day #4

In Whom, because of our faith in Him, we dare to have the boldness (courage and confidence) of free access (an unreserved approach to God with freedom and without fear). Ephesians 3:12

Day #5

And do not [for a moment] be frightened or intimidated in anything by your opponents and adversaries, for such [constancy and fearlessness] will be a clear sign (proof and seal) to them of [their impending] destruction, but [a sure token and evidence] of your deliverance and salvation, and that from God. Philippians 1:28

Day #6

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control. 2 Timothy 1:7

Day #7

So we take comfort and are encouraged and confidently and boldly say, The Lord is my Helper; I will not be seized with alarm [I will not fear or dread or be terrified]. What can man do to me? Hebrews 13:6

Previous Happiness Lessons:

How to find Happiness – 15 Lesson Series – Overview

How to find Happiness – Introduction

How to find Happiness – Key #1 – A relationship with God

How to find Happiness – Key #2 – Being Thankful

How to find Happiness – Key #3 – Learning How to forgive yourself

How to find Happiness – Key #4 – Learning How to forgive others

How to find Happiness - Key #5 – Living in the present

May you find true happiness and may God answer your prayers – Amen!

Key #5 to Happiness – Living in the present

At first glance, you might ask – what does living in the present have to do with happiness?  What’s so great about the present?  What does it even mean to live in the present?   It means that we are focused on what we are experiencing, thinking and/or feeling right now…and not caught up in the fantasies about the future or burdened down with memories of the past.

“Be here now” was a popular phrase in the hippy days which was captured well in many books and songs.  Like all things, however, embracing this concept can lead a person either positively or negatively…into deep irresponsibility and narcissism, or into the discipline of total reliance upon God for every need on a moment to moment basis.

Living in the “now” with Jesus is the epitome of joy, peace, wisdom, power and destiny.

But how do you get there?  Well, first, let’s explore not living in the present.

Living in the past = Regret

“When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.” Alexander Graham Bell

I must admit that I too relive the past sometimes.   Like most of us, when I find myself in the past, I am usually reliving a mistake or a negative situation, which then makes me feel badly about myself.  Oh, I have personal ones too, but when I am stuck in the past it usually has to do with work.  Have you ever had an important meeting and you blew it?  I have.  For days I can beat myself up over it replaying the scene over and over in my mind, wishing I could have a “do over.”   Sometimes even years later, I can find myself feeling sick about a particular meeting that went south.

I can only imagine the torment people experience who have made a mistake that caused serious injury or even someone’s life.  One such situation happened recently with one of my relatives. 
Frankly, I don’t know how one gets over something like that, except by God’s grace.  (check out our article from a few weeks ago “Learning How to forgive yourself”)

God promises to give the Holy Spirit liberally to everyone who asks for Him.

“If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more

will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!” Luke 11:13

He also said, “If you ask anything in my name, I will do it.” John. 14:14

What does “anything” include?  Hmmnn…  I guess it means ANYTHING.  (which includes healing your memories and self incriminations)  But there’s more –

“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness”.  1 John 1:9 (NKJV)
“Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead”,   Phil 3:13 (NKJV)

There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.  Romans 8:1 (NKJV)

On the other hand, if we are constantly recalling positive experiences of the past, it usually means that our happiness is caught up deeds or works we did earlier…with pride hovering around us ready to establish (or grow) a deeper root.  Even reliving our own old glory days too often can hold us back from hearing the new thing God has for us now.

Here is what the Bible says about living in the past:

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.  2 Cor 5:17 (NKJV)

Therefore we were buried with Him through baptism into death, that just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life.  Romans 6:4 (NKJV)

Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ  Phil 3:8 (NKJV)

Living in the future = Anxiety and Fear.

We all like to think about the possibility about a wonderful future where our dreams come true and that is not a bad thing.  However, truth be told, when most of us think about the future, it’s usually about negative things…things we fear.  Fear of losing a job, not being able to pay the bills, not being able to care for our families and more.  We all face these fears, including myself.  The key is not to dwell on our fears but to give them over to God…that is what he wants us to do with them.  Also, check out our next keys to happiness next week where we’ll talk about how to overcome fear.

Here is what the Bible has to say about fixating on the future, worry and fear:

“Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on.  Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?  Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?  So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.  Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?  Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’  For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.  ”But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.   Matthew 6:25-34 (NKJV)

“Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression, But a good word makes it glad”.  Proverbs 12:25 (NKJV)

“Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. Behold, all those who were incensed against you Shall be ashamed and disgraced; They shall be as nothing, And those who strive with you shall perish. You shall seek them and not find them…Those who contended with you. Those who war against you Shall be as nothing, As a nonexistent thing.  For I, the LORD your God, will hold your right hand, Saying to you, Fear not, I will help you.”  Isaiah 41:10-13 (NKJV)

Living in the present

If you worry about what might be, and wonder what might have been, you will ignore what is.  ~Author Unknown

We crucify ourselves between two thieves:  regret for yesterday and fear of tomorrow.  ~Fulton Oursler

There is a lot of truth in the above words.  For a very few people, living is the present comes naturally, including our dogs.  That is definitely something we can learn from our K9s…they truly live in the present.  For most of us however, it takes effort to train our minds to let go of our worries and forgive ourselves of our mistake.  The good news is that we can do it with help from God.  He promises us (read the above verses again) to help us if we just let him.  When we do that, overall we’re happier people.

Do you realize that only when we live in the present can we experience God’s presence?

Keys to happiness exercise:

• Ask God for help (ask Jesus into your life if you have not done so already)
• Read the above scriptures and others from our Successful Living area every day for a week
• Memorize the scripture that speaks to you most
• Every time fear, worry or regret creeps into your mind, pray, give it to the lord and repeat your favorite scripture.
• Ask others to pray for you
• Feel free to e-mail us with questions
• Sign up for our e-mail reminder as soon as a new key to happiness is published

Previous Happiness Lessons:

How to find Happiness – 15 Lesson Series – Overview

How to find Happiness – Introduction

How to find Happiness – Key #1 – A relationship with God

How to find Happiness – Key #2 – Being Thankful

How to find Happiness – Key #3 – Learning How to forgive yourself

How to find Happiness – Key #4 – Learning How to forgive others

May you find true happiness and may God answer your prayers – Amen!

Key #4 to Happiness – Forgiving Others

A man was walking with his best friend, someone he had known for a very long time. As they walked, they began to argue about some trivial issue. As they argued, they began to be very angry at one another. The more they argued, the angrier they became. They got so angry at each other that the man lost his temper and shoved his friend away from him. His friend stumbled and fell upon a board, which had a loose, rusty nail sticking up from it. The nail pierced the man’s friend in the back.

The man, immediately sorry for what he had done, picked his friend up and took him home to wash his wound and remove the rusty nail. “I’m so sorry,” he kept saying. “I don’t know what cam over me. Please forgive me!”

“That’s your problem,” his friend said. “You’ve always had a bad temper. I’m going to teach you a lesson. I’m going to leave this rusty nail in my back so that every time you see it you will remember what your bad temper did you me.” Even when the rust nail eventually began to infect the wound in the friend’s back, the friend refused to remove it and continued to remind the man of what he had done and how wrong her was, right up until the day that the infection from the nail finally killed him.

It is so easy to look at this story and say, “How foolish! No one should keep a wound open in their body just so they can hold it over the person who caused it! If that was me, I’d want to get healed as soon as I could!” But hear this, Child of God; every day, in relationships all over the world, people are doing just that to their own spirits, and the rusty nail that pierces them and drains their happiness away is called UNFORGIVENESS.

The Danger of Unforgiveness.

In order to see unforgiveness in it’s proper light, it is first necessary to understand what it means to forgive. In the Greek, the word forgive means: to free fully, relieve, release, dismiss, let die, pardon, divorce, let go, loose, put away, and to set at liberty. The Bible makes it very clear that we as followers of Christ are expected to forgive the wrongs that others may do to us: “And when you stand praying, forgive, if you have ought against any.” (Mark 11:25)

Beyond question, then, the Bible expects us to let go of the hard feelings held against someone who has done us wrong, no matter who, why, how, or what. Walking in forgiveness with others is one the believer’s primary keys to finding their happiness in life. When we do not let go of the wrong that has been done against us, but instead hold on to it, then we are walking in unforgiveness.

“So we walk in a little unforgiveness,” someone might say. “It’s only natural; besides, it’s the only way we can protect ourselves from being used and hurt.” Oh, saints, how little we actually know about the function of our own hearts! And how devious is our enemy, who deceives us into hurting others and ourselves in a hundred little ways! How many saints do you know who pride themselves on how they avoid adultery, fornication, murder and idolatry, only to fall prey to unforgiveness, bitterness and lovelessness? How many relationships, friendships and marriages have crumbled and fallen because of unforgiveness? There are too many to count! Out of the many things that damage relationships and spiritual growth, it’s usually the small, seemingly minor attitudes that silently eat away at the foundations until it is too late. “Take us the foxes, the little foxes, that spoil the vines; for our vines have tender grapes” (Song of Solomon 2:15). The “little foxes” of unforgiveness will always spoil the tender fruit of our relationships!

When unforgiveness enters our hearts, it erodes our ability to love, bond and trust, making us cold, bitter and hard. It kills our ability to develop relationships and fellowship with others – even with the Lord God Himself! “But when ye do not forgive, neither will your Father who is in heaven forgive your trespasses” (Mark 11:26). Many people hold unforgiveness in their hearts in an effort to hurt the one who first hurt them, not realizing that they are the ones who suffer the most! It is near impossible to find happiness in life when you are holding on to forgiveness.

The Importance of Forgiving.

If you ask most saints what are some of the most important spiritual elements in their life, most will tell you about tongues, spiritual gifts, prophecy, and the Word of God. Very few will include love and forgiveness on their list. But what does the Word of God teach us? How does God want the unsaved to respond to spiritual gifts and prophecy? Beloved, all of these wonderful abilities are intended to draw unsaved souls to God that they might receive one thing: FORGIVENESS of their sins through Jesus Christ!

“Be it known unto you therefore, man and brethren, that through [Jesus] is preached unto you forgiveness of sins, and by Him all that believe are justified from all things.” (Acts 13:38-39)

Saints, forgiveness is not just a side issue in the Christian faith; it is the very center of the gospel message. Jesus was made flesh and blood for this very reason – to break down the wall of separation between man and God, that mankind might be saved from the righteous judgment of God and be forgiven of their sinful acts and delivered from their sinful nature so that they might enjoy intimate fellowship with God!

But if we want to continue receiving forgiveness of sins throughout our life (for truly we will need it!), then God requires one thing of us all – that we completely forgive others like He constantly and completely forgives us.

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Eph. 4:31-32, NIV).

The Impact of Unforgiveness.

Despite the clear instructions of scripture, friendships, families, marriages, ministries, and lives are being broken up at a frightening rate. People are turning to divorce, crime drugs, violence and gangs, trying to stop their personal pain and find their life’s happiness. We are seeing Jesus’ prophecy come true: “Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of many will grow cold.” (Matt. 24:12, NIV).

Why is this happening? Counselors and psychiatrists have discovered a common thread – unforgiveness and bitter hearts! Sons and daughters are bitter against absent fathers or negligent mothers; wives are bitter against absent or abusive husbands; fathers are bitter against their own abusive fathers, turning their rage against their own families; women are bitter against men, and children are bitter against their parents. Everyone is holding unforgiveness against those who have hurt them, and the resulting bitterness of heart is eating them up inside. We are seeing a whole generation of bitter, angry, hard-hearted people boiling over with silent rage and unforgiveness!

The worst part about it is Satan is having a field day! Why? Because whenever unforgiveness and bitterness enter our hearts, Satan has a legal right to build a stronghold there!

“If you forgive anyone, I also forgive him. And what I have forgiven – if there was anything to forgive – I have forgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake, in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes (i.e., methods, devices, and plans)”
(2 Corinthians 2:10-11, NIV).

Paul is saying here that if there exists any occasion where forgiveness is needed in the church, he wants to forgive along with everyone else, for he knows how Satan operates. He knew that every unforgiven offense was an opportunity for Satan to bring the bondage of bitterness, anger, criticalness, strife, and hard heartedness to the offended party. These things would open the door for other tormenting spirits as well! You see, it’s not just about relationships, but about your spiritual and natural health as well. When you do not forgive, your prayers go unanswered, your love grows cold, your natural resistance decreases, your joy and happiness are drained away, your spirit becomes darkened, and every sin you commit goes unforgiven by God until you forgive! Now tell me, is it really worth it?

Five Reasons Why A Person Won’t Forgive.

Someone may say, “But it’s so hard to forgive! You don’t know what they did to me! I just can’t seem to let it go, even though I know I have to!” If this is you, Beloved, then you need to examine yourself closely as to why you as a believer would keep this deadly emotional poison flowing through your system. Here are five reasons why most people will not forgive:

1) They don’t value the relationship. Many people simply refuse to forgive an offender because they no longer value the relationship that they have with them. They are more willing to discard the relationship than to make the effort to restore the relationship. This is due to a lack of love, for without the love of God within us, we cannot see the value that God places in every person on earth! Can you imagine what would happen if God treated us the same way?

2) They are afraid to forgive for fear of being put in a position of weakness and vulnerability with another person. This is the most common reason among those who have been hurt before. They use unforgiveness as a shield to keep distance between themselves and those who have hurt them. They feel safer hiding behind the bitterness and anger rather than letting it go and giving the person another chance, as the Bible instructs them to. The sad part is, they are keeping God out as well, and letting Satan in! Saints, remember this: true, godly love always takes risks, and there is no hurt in this world that God cannot heal!

3) They won’t forgive because pride keeps them from truly seeing themselves in God. Many people will exalt themselves in their own eyes until they treat every offense against them as if it were against God Himself! They see the offender as “unworthy” of their forgiveness or love, not realizing that they themselves are no better than the offender in God’s eyes as long as they hold that grudge. They fail to realize that if Jesus could forgive the sins committed against him during his earthly life and still love his offenders, who are we not to? We must learn to let God be the righteous judge of every sin and get out of His way!

4) They can’t forgive because they are focusing on the wrong image in their minds. Many saints hinder their ability to forgive by constantly thinking on the wrong thing: instead of focusing on the Word of God, the example of Jesus, and guarding themselves against the deception of the enemy, they will focus on the offender, the offense, the words spoken, and the pain experienced. They will rehearse it over and over in their minds, keeping the memories fresh and the wounds sore. Beloved, please listen: as long as you keep talking about it, thinking about it, and hearing about it, you’ll keep hurting over it. Part of forgiving is separating yourself and your pain from the memories of the event – you must put the past behind you, embracing the memory while releasing the pain!

5) They won’t forgive because they don’t understand the damage it does to their hearts. Most everyone who willingly holds onto a grudge does not realize the damage they are doing to themselves. Unforgiveness always leads to bitterness, and bitterness always leads to a hardened heart, one that cannot love or trust anyone. It affects our ability as parents, spouses, and friends. Everyone can tell bitter people; they’re the ones who have become abusive, hard, quick-tempered, stubborn, unfriendly, and cold. The offense may be years gone and long forgotten by the other party, but the impact remains long after the fact. Saints, we must understand this: the only person unforgiveness hurts is the unforgiver!

The Power of Love.

The Battle against unforgiveness is being lost by someone, somewhere, every day. Today it’s like a contagious disease, spreading from marriage to marriage and family to family, leaving behind divorces, broken families, bitter hearts, and painful memories. How can we stop it? The answer is so simple yet so deep that we often overlook it – we must learn to LOVE! Not the warm, fuzzy, teary-eyed lip service love that you see on television of get in many fellowships. But that selfless, aga`pe love of Jesus, the self-sacrificing love that led Him to give His life for us while we were still his enemies, the love that could accept rejection, lashes, beatings, spitting, nails, and a criminal’s cross and still say, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34).

Beloved, this is where the real battle for your spiritual life and happiness begins; not over doctrines, denominations, Bible versions, or spiritual gifts, but over who will love and who will hate, who will forgive and who will grow bitter! Oh saints, where are those who can turn the other cheek, who can love their enemies, who can bless those that curse them or spitefully use them? Where are those who can truly, honestly forgive? This is what the world needs to see, hear and experience! This is TRUE spiritual growth and a primary key to finding happiness! This is the nature of the true child of God, one who, like a rose, can take the crushing of this world and still give off the pleasing fragrance of love and forgiveness. This, beloved saints, is the mark of a true believer. Praise God!

How to find happiness – Forgiving Others Exercises:

1)      Make a list of those people who have hurt or wounded you in your life, whether they are alive or have passed away. Include a detailed list of the hurts and wounds inflicted upon you.

2)      Take the time to go before God and ask forgiveness for holding grudges against them; ask Him to remove the offense from your heart. Ask God to wash your heart in the blood of Jesus Christ and to fill you with love for that person. Renounce the Spirit of Unforgiveness, repenting from your heart before the Lord God.

3)      Forgive each offender. Forgive them verbally, out loud. Be specific in what you are forgiving them for. If you have trouble forgiving, review the “Reasons People Will Not Forgive” provided in this lesson. Focus on the impact that unforgiveness could have in your life and ask yourself, “Do I really want this poison in my life? What have I already lost because of unforgiveness? Is it really worth it to damage my own spirit because of this? What blessings am I missing out on because of this?” Now, go back and try again to forgive that person’s hurts against you. Do this for every person on your list and take your time.

(Note: if you still have trouble verbally forgiving this person, this may be a sign that you have developed a demonic stronghold in your life. Ask the Lord God to help you forgive them. You may need to seek deliverance counseling.)

4)      Once you have asked forgiveness from the Lord for harboring unforgiveness, and have verbally forgiven and released each person who has wounded you, now begin to pray a blessing over the life over each person. (Remember, Jesus said to “love those who hate you, bless those who persecute you.”) A sign of true forgiveness from the heart is when we can freely speak a blessing over those who have wounded us and truly mean it from our hearts.

5)      If you still know or have a relationship with someone who has wounded you in the past, it would be wise to go to that person and tell them that you have forgiven them for any trespasses, as well as asking their forgiveness for any sins you may have committed against them. The more hurtful the wound, the necessary this step may become. You may very well free them from the guilt of offending you!

Previous Keys To Happiness Lessons:

How to find Happiness – 15 Lesson Series – Overview

How to find Happiness – Introduction

How to find Happiness – Key #1 – A relationship with God

How to find Happiness – Key #2 – Being Thankful

How to find Happiness  - Key #3 – Learning How to forgive yourself

May you find true happiness, forgive yourself and may God answer your prayers – Amen!

Key #3 to Happiness – Forgive Yourself!

“If you have made mistakes, even serious ones, there is always another chance for you. You may have a fresh start any moment you choose. For this thing we call “failure” is not the falling down, but the staying down.”

 –Mary Pickford, Canadian actress

As Christians, we are taught at an early age to forgive others.  We even recite in the Lord’s Prayer, “… we forgive those who trespass against us.”  And I am sure that must of us can recall the line from a poem written by English writer Alexander Pope, “To err is human, to forgive is divine.”

We learn that we must also ask God for His forgiveness when we sin or otherwise go against God’s word.  1 John 1:9 (NIV) admonishes us, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” But how do we learn to forgive ourselves?

If you are anything like me, you may be your own worst critic. You may spend countless hours beating yourself up tor making a few mistakes in your life.  You may obsess over such things as “Why did I make that stupid comment in the business meeting this morning?” or “Why did I take the expressway this morning instead of the local streets? Now I am stuck in all this traffic!”  Or you may be agonizing over a misdirected life decision, “Why did i major in Computer Science in college instead of English? I always did enjoy writing. Why didn’t I follow my passion?” Or you may be struggling with other issues like a car accident that turned out to be your fault or a failed marriage that ended in divorce. Looking back on these incidents now, they may seem  so trivial, but at the time, the thoughts or decisions may have seemed like the most important issues in the world!

Just remember that God has a plan for your life. Jeremiah 29:11 tells us, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”  Whatever road your life takes or whatever decisions that you are making, it will all work out for the good in the long run.  Romans 8:28, “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, who have been called according to his purpose.” As long as you continue to trust God and put him first in your life you will succeed. Romans 8:37, “No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.” Proverbs 3:5-6, “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will will direct your paths.”

Don’t forget to continue thanking God for all that He has done for you.  Ha is still working through you, even in the most difficult of times. And yes, even when God seems silent, He is still there with you!

So if you are currently working toward a specific goal on life’s journey and what you thought was going to work out several months ago is no longer working out for you, don’t give up! Take some time to regroup. Revise your plans, reshape your goals, and get back in there!

“… a lot of times the world doesn’t put rocks in our way. Instead we put them there ourselves.  When we hold on to our mistakes, we’re throwing rocks in our own path…  when we detach ourselves from worry and let go of our mistakes, the road always opens up.  That’s why if you want to make a commitment to never quitting,  one of the first steps is to simply get out of your own way.”

 – Russell Simmons, hip hop mogul (with Chris Morrow), in his book, Do You! 12 Laws to Access the Power in You to Achieve Happiness and Success

Don’t waste any more time continuing to be angry with yourself and by all means, forgive yourself for not getting it right this time.  Whatever the issue was.  Move forward with your life, starting with right now!

What is Self-Forgiveness?

To forgive oneself is not to make excuses for oneself. To forgive ourselves is:

–to pledge to learn from our mistakes;

–to gain a degree of self-control and not repeat them;

–to grow in our capacity for love and peace.

 This article may be a helpful resource for you as well, How To Forgive Yourself & Stop Feeling Guilty

The next time you start beating yourself up for doing something wrong, ask yourself the following questions:   from personal success coach Lisa Phillips: visit her website here

1. At the time of the event, was it realistic for you to expect yourself to do something different / behave in a different way?

2. Did you have the right people around you at the time that could have helped you?

3. At the time of the event, did you have the information or knowledge you needed to make a better choice?

Forgiving yourself for your limitations is a crucial first step in healing your life.  In an unprecedented time of turmoil and stress, most human beings are doing the best they can with the resources, wisdom, and knowledge they have available to them. Yes, it’s important to learn from your mistakes, but eventually you need to get the lesson and move on.

Learn From Your Mistakes

Trying to learn from your mistakes is a very healthy way of dealing with them. A reflection of what you have learned from your mistakes would be a perceptible change in your behavior. Remember that committing a mistake is not a crime, but repeating it, surely is! We learn from our mistakes, as we have to pay a price for them. To err is human and to learn how to avoid the same mistake in the future is also within human capacity.

Encourage Yourself To Move On

Realize that your life is not going to end or stagnate just because of a mistake of yours. Probably, the biggest lesson life teaches us is to move on. Forgive yourself completely and look forward to the future, which is always brighter and full of hope. Languishing in past will not give you an opportunity to time-travel to the bygone times and change things. Disembark yourself from past mistakes and march ahead!

Share your mistakes

Holding things to yourself will make it increasingly difficult to forgive yourself and stop feeling guilty. You can’t afford to keep wallowing in guilt over your wrongdoings. Remember that your mistakes always add to your experience, as life is a continuous learning process. You can always share your mistakes with others and warn them of the consequence that you suffered from. You will also get a chance to vent out your frustration in a more constructive way.

Unburden Your Heart

If you believe that your mistake is too big to be forgiven and keeping it to yourself is killing you, speak up and lift that burden off your heart. Confess your mistake in front of a close friend, whose guidance you trust and value. A guilt-free existence is only possible when your mistakes are not perpetually weighing on your conscience. Pardon yourself by pouring your heart out before someone you know will make you feel better.

Journaling: Recording your thoughts in a journal is a valuable way of releasing your feelings.  Each time you feel guilt during the day, write it down in your journal. You will be able to track when you feel this, and why, which will help you begin to understand your guilt. The same goes for the good feelings you experience. Write down the moments when you feel joy and richness in your life, and you will begin to recognize the things that release that joy.

Atonement: Learn how to consciously make a sacrifice in light of your desire for forgiveness. You can create your own sacrifice by asking yourself, “What will be my offering?” It could be philanthropy, political activism — something that requires a sacrifice of your time, money or effort. The key is to consciously make that sacrifice in light of your desire for forgiveness.

Success And Failure – Keys to happiness exercise: