Success and Failure Blog

A while back I gave a guy something he needed in his home. I think I was as blown away by his reaction as he was by getting it. He tried to pay me what he could and kept saying said he owed me. I assured him he owed me nothing and need not pay me back, it was a gift, no strings attached (no he didn’t need to listen to me preach before he could leave either).

So there’s the economy we carry from material world to every other part of our lives. We think that everything comes at a price. Trust me I’m just getting used to this myself. It’s kind of the “love without condition” carried further. If by doing something for you, I expect (even eventually) something in return, maybe it’s just your friendship, or admiration, then I’m not doing it for you at all, I’m just bartering for something for myself.

I think giving is easier with strangers, maybe people you will never see again, do a random act of kindness and walk away, never expecting to see them again, and they can never pay you back. It seems a lot harder among acquaintances, maybe hardest in relationships. We’ve been raised in this “point” system; I help you with your car, later when my computer dies you help me.

In relationships, try to remember the beginning, think back to when just being with that person was the goal, didn’t matter what you were doing, just being around them was enough. Let a relationship last long enough and we tend to put it to the “point system” more and more it becomes what we’ve done for the other or what we can do, or vise versa “what have you done for me lately” or “look at all I do for you and what do I get in return?” well if you’re looking for something in return you weren’t really doing it for the other person were you?. As our relationships with God are compared to a marriage I think we tend to go down the same path, we forget where our faith began, when just knowing he was there was enough.

I’m not throwing out acts of love or intentionality that come naturally through love. But if you buy your wife flowers on valentines merely BECAUSE it’s Valentines Day, it is in your heart, an empty gesture, really, just acting out of obedience or obligation. The same can apply to our faith lives.

So now I get to the point where I may be wrong. But… we are told to go out and spread the Gospel… Gospel means “good news” I’m pretty sure the good news isn’t “well Christ died on the cross now you should feel guilty and not do anything wrong and make sure you read your bible 5 times a day and here’s a check list of do’s and don’ts”.. I’m pretty sure the Good news is the price is paid, “it is finished” not “hey, now the ledger shows you in the red so you owe me”.

Key to Happiness #14 – A Balanced Life

Family, work, health, ministry, leisure, God, civic duties, friends, etc. are all areas that fight for our time.  Finding balance is not a simple process…it takes discipline.

There are certain times in our lives where one or two of the above areas seem to consume every minute of our time.  I sure struggle with this sometimes.   I remember when I was in my twenties and I was really into exercising.  I literally worked out seven to eight hours per day.  I’d run several miles, then swim for two hours, then do weights and leg lifts for another few hours.  I was in great shape, however, other parts of my life where non existent or were seriously lacking.

Then, in my late twenties and early thirties, I was really focused on work.  I could work sixty hours per week and still want to work more.  I had to prove I was the best!

My next phase was when I was very involved in church…always busy doing something.  Don’t get me wrong…there is nothing wrong with working hard and being involved in good causes.  At the same time, if your family life is suffering and therefore it costs you your marriage or you lose your health over it – or even worse, if it costs you your soul, it is not worth it!  I think we all know people that have had such outcomes.  It’s always easier to see the imbalance in other peoples’ lives so it is helpful to examine our own every so often.

Finding true balance.

Prioritizing and balancing our activities is very helpful, however, in my opinion, the only way to find true balance is to have God in the center of all our activities.  Only then will we find true balance and happiness.

God wants to be the center of our universe.  We are made that way.  “In His presence is fullness of joy.”  Ps 16:11

Any time we replace him with something else from the outside, we are literally putting something in the way of true happiness and contentment.

Here are some scripture that talk about our priorities:

Matthew 6:33 “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; …

Matthew 22:36-40 “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law? Jesus replied: “ ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

Philippians 3:7-8 “But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ…”

Scheduling your time:

The only way we can get balanced is to schedule times for our activities.  We start with the most important areas and work our way down to the least.  Some should be daily activities like praying (preferably with your spouse) and spending time in the word.  Other activities like exercise might be 3 times per week, etc.  It is important to note that if you have never exercised or read the Bible, I suggest you start small and build up so you won’t get burned out.  Start with just 5 minutes per day reading the Bible for example and add as you grow.  The same with exercise – don’t commit to one hour of exercising if you have never done it.  Just start with a few minutes once or twice per week and as you feel motivated add additional time.

In addition, don’t work 7 days per week.  Take off a day and relax to re-charge your batteries.

Keys to happiness exercise:

• Ask God for help and direction (ask Jesus into your life if you have not done so already…  He’s your guide, your helper and your key to happiness).
• Set some time aside to set your priorities
• Set a schedule that is workable.

Other great resources on this subject check out :
Encouraging Bible Verses on Balance, Focus on the Family, Christian Challenge on Balance.

May you find happiness by balancing your life!  We hope these tips help you get started.

Check in next week for another key to happiness.  Get notified via e-mail here.

For past keys to happiness click here!

Key to Happiness #13 – Being Passionate About Your Work

We all know what it feels like to work for a paycheck just to make a living.  I’ve been there a few times in my life.  Have you?  If you’re honest, you probably have too.  When you add the normal pressures and stresses of life, a seemingly meaningless job can make your existence a living hell.  You wake up on Monday morning and you wish it was Friday afternoon.  Especially now in this tough economy, there are lots of very talented and accomplished people who have been laid off and now are taking lesser jobs just to pay the bills.

I remember when I was growing up in Austria.  I was not quite 15 years old and, like all kids my age, I was faced with a huge life decision – should I go to the university or go into an apprenticeship to learn a profession?  At that time, about 70% of kids my age chose an apprenticeship and about 30% went to the university.

Think about that – it’s hard enough to figure out what to do with your life in your twenties –so imagine how hard it is when you’re just 15 years of age!  Well, since my mom had owned restaurants since I was just a tot and I had grown up helping in the kitchen, I thought an apprenticeship in that industry was the way to go.  I spent 4 years in an apprenticeship (free labor to a local proprietor if the truth be told) and several more years working on a cruise ship practicing my profession.  I was pretty good at it.  Then, one day it hit me – I have absolutely no passion for preparing, delivering or managing food in any way, shape or form!  The thought of dedicating the rest of my life to this industry is beyond depressing.

 I was lost for a few years trying a variety of jobs.   It wasn’t until after I’d been in America for a couple years that I finally discovered a true passion – advertising.  I stumbled into it really, just setting appointments for a little coupon company in the beginning, but I quickly realized I had an affinity to the whole world of advertising and marketing.  I had always been a great observer of people and so I had good instincts about what would, and would not get their attention.  I loved the creativity.  25 years later, I am still fascinated with the art of it and I feel blessed to have found something I enjoy so much.

America, the land of opportunity.

Unless you’ve lived in another country, you can’t really appreciate what we have here in the good ole U.S. of A.  There is so much opportunity here…even now in this tough economy!  In Austria as a child the word was that in America the streets were lined with gold and all you have to do is pick it up.  Anyone with a dream can make it there!  It takes a little bit of imagination, a little faith and a lot of work…that’s all.  Well, this is actually true!  My mom was a determined go-getter opening and running a restaurant while raising three kids, so I had a good role model for setting goals and working towards them.  After 25 years in the states, the problem I notice with most Americans is that they never heard the part about planning and actually working towards their goals… but that’s another lesson.

We’re meant to work. 

Here is what the Bible has to say about your responsibility to work:

Genesis 2:15
The LORD God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it.

Proverbs 14:23
All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty.

Ecclesiastes 9:10
Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might, for in the grave, where you are going, there is neither working nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom.

2 Thessalonians 3:10
For even when we were with you, we gave you this rule: “If a man will not work, he shall not eat.”

Reevaluating your work:

The first thing we need to do is evaluate what we do for a living and asking ourselves, why do we do what we do?  What kind of work would we do if we had all the money in the world?  These are not easy questions, and the answers are not necessarily obvious, however, we need to find the answer.

Satisfaction from work:

If we truly are working within the gifts that God has given each of us, there will be a tremendous satisfaction that comes from that.  You also will find that since you’re excited about it, you’re also interested in learning everything there is to know about that work, which will show in your performance.  Because of this, there is also a higher likelihood that you will get promoted.

Dealing with life’s passions:

At one point or another, we all have dreams of becoming a professional sports star, a rock star or a famous actor, etc.  I know several friends who have amazing gifts in acting, singing, art and sports.  At the same time, being able to make a living in these industries can be extremely difficult.  Only a very small percentage of people actually make a living at these professions. 

So, what do we do with those Gifts?  One thing we should look at is our motivation.  What is our goal?  Is it to become famous or be someone great?  Do we have selfish reasons or do we want to use those gifts to be a blessing to others?  Do we ask God…”Lord how would you want me to use those gifts you have blessed me with?”  Your happiness will depend on how you answer this question.

 Even if you’re not able to make a living, your gifts and passions should provide a great deal of fulfillment and happiness.

Making a transition to find more fulfilling work.

Transitioning out of a job and especially a career will not be an easy move to make.  The first thing I would recommend is praying about it.  God wants you to find the work and interests He has created you for more than you do!  Talk to Him.  He wants to guide you!

Here is what the Bible has to say about seeking wisdom:

Proverbs 11:2
When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.

Ecclesiastes 2:26
To the man who pleases him, God gives wisdom, knowledge and happiness, but to the sinner he gives the task of gathering and storing up wealth to hand it over to the one who pleases God.

James 1:5
If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.

Psalm 1:1-3
Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. But his delight is in the law of the LORD; and in his law doth he meditate day and night. And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper.

Psalm 37:5
Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass. 

Proverbs 3:5-10
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the Lord, and depart from evil. It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones. Honour the Lord with thy substance, and with the firstfruits of all thine increase: So shall thy barns be filled with plenty, and thy presses shall burst out with new wine.

Ecclesiastes 3:13
And also that every man should eat and drink, and enjoy the good of all his labour, it is the gift of God.

Matthew 6:33
But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

I wish I could say that I have always taken my own advice here.  Honestly, however, I have not and it has cost me dearly the times when I haven’t.  Ask your Father in heaven to show you the interests and giftings – that is step one.  The succeeding steps have to do with the timing and partnerships that may be required.  God might begin to unfold your dream and show you a new career, but the timing might not be right.  He might want to teach you something else by making you wait as He prepares you.  Just remember that His plans for you are good and rich with the promise that He wants to see you happy and fulfilled.  Seeking His will can save you a lot of wasted time and a lot of pain.  For step by step direction on how to find work that is fulfilling, follow the exercise below.

Keys to happiness exercise:

• Ask God for help and direction (ask Jesus into your life if you have not done so already…  He’s your guide, your helper and your key to happiness).
• Set some time aside to think about why you do what you do.
• Think about your true passions and how you could possibly make a living.
• Make a plan, set some goals, and work toward that goal each and every day.
• Keep working on those Gifts.
• Continue to seek God’s will.
• Never give up on your dream

Other great success resources on this subject check out:

Here is a great article by Sharon Teitelbaum titled “Being passionate about your work”
Another great article by Janine Milne titled “Learning to be passionate about your work”

Previous Happiness Lessons:

How to find Happiness – 15 Lesson Series – Overview

How to find Happiness – Introduction

How to find Happiness – Key #1 – A relationship with God

How to find Happiness – Key #2 – Being thankful

How to find Happiness - Key #3 – Forgive yourself

How to find Happiness - Key #4 – Learning How to forgive others

How to find Happiness - Key #5 – Living in the present

How to find Happiness - Key #6 – Overcoming fear

How to find Happiness - Key #7 – Giving of your money

How to find Happiness - Key #8 – Giving of your time

How to find Happiness - Key #9 – Putting God first

How to find Happiness - Key #10 – Setting Goals

How to find Happiness – Key #11 – Making Friends and Meeting New People

How to find Happiness – Key #12 – MaStaying Active

May you find happiness by finding fulfilling work.  We hope these tips help you get started.

Check in next week for another key to happiness.  Get notified via e-mail here.

Key to Happiness #12 – Staying Active

We’ve all seen it, maybe even in our own families.  Someone retires and within just a few years they deteriorate mentally and physically and die.  Their work was their life and their purpose.  They no longer had work to give them direction and they did not replace that activity with something else.  Their health and their will to live just evaporated.  And of course, we all know about the empty nest issue most parents deal with.  Their whole purpose was their kids, and one day they realize the kids have grown up…and they’re gone.  The house is empty and their lives seem to have lost their purpose.

What happened?   Many studies have been done that show that people who stay active physically and mentally are much healthier and happier than those who do not.  Should that be a surprise?  Not really.  At the same time, I’m not saying that we should fill every moment of our days with activities.  Everything needs to be done in balance.

Sometimes sickness, depression, loneliness, etc., can make us want to stay in our houses and veg out and do nothing, which only feeds whatever we’re suffering from even more.

Staying active has several parts:

• Staying active physically
• Staying active mentally
• Staying active socially (see previous Happiness articles like “Making New Friends and Meeting New People” and “Giving of your Time”.

Staying active physically:

This is not an easy task, especially when you’re in pain.  In my case…and maybe in your case too, doing any kind of exercise after a long day at work is the last thing I want to do.  So what do we do?  I know that exercise is good for me and a very important part of taking care of this temple of the Holy Spirit, but do I always feel like doing it?  No.  Oh, I don’t think you have to be too rigid with yourself, but when I feel like that, most of the time I pray to Jesus and ask Him to give me strength.   Then, just a block or two into my speed walk (with my two Border Collies) I have totally forgotten how tired and cranky I was!

Again, don’t over-commit…like committing to 7 days per week 2 hours per day.  You’d just set yourself up for failure.   What you’re trying to do is form a habit.  As you go along, you will naturally feel better and end up doing more than just the minimum.  For me, getting to the gym is the hard part.  Once I’m there, it’s really not that hard.  95% of success is just showing up.

Here are some tips:

• Set a schedule.  Some days might be easier than others
• Start with a light schedule…like 3 days per week for 15 minutes each.
• Depending on your physical ability, you might just walk for a couple blocks
• Partner up with others…it makes it a lot more fun.  I happen to walk with my wife and our dogs.  It also provides a great time to talk and spend time together.

Here is what the Bible says about staying active physically:

Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price.  So glorify God in your body. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

For while bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come. 1 Timothy 4:8

Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.  He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable.  He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength.  Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.  Isaiah 40:28-31

Staying active mentally:

Sometimes when I’m tired, I don’t feel like doing anything but vegging out watching TV.  I’m not saying that you should never do that…just don’t make it a habit.  It’s easy to slide into a routine that includes 2–5 hours of TV per day.  Just as with physical activity, it takes effort to get out of that rut.  The amazing thing is that when we do keep our minds sharp, we’re happier and more fulfilled…amazing.

There are many things that we can do like read a book, learn something new…like computers, painting, study a new language.  I personally like Woodworking.  It takes a lot of mental focus and to me it’s a great way to relax.  As we learn and/or accomplish something new, it gives us a sense of satisfaction.  Just as with physical activity…don’t over-commit.  Start small with short term projects.  As you get more comfortable with your new activity, you can plan longer term projects.

Here is what the Bible says about exercising your brain:

“My son, preserve sound judgment and discernment, do not let them out of your sight; they will be life for you, an ornament to grace your neck. Then you will go on your way in safety, and your foot will not stumble. ”   Proverbs 3:21-23

“He who gets wisdom loves his own soul; he who cherishes understanding prospers.” Proverbs 19:8

“Show me thy ways, O Lord; teach me thy paths.  Lead me in thy truth, and teach me.” Psalm 25:4-5

Keys to happiness exercise:

• Ask God for help and strength and courage (ask Jesus into your life if you have not done so already.  He’s your helper and healer)
• Set some time aside every week for physical, mental and communal activities.  Start small…don’t over commit.
• Partner up with someone if possible

For other great resources on this subject check out Staying Active on WomensHeath.org.   For resources on staying active mentally check out Alz.org.  For additional info on staying active physically check out www.CDC.org.

Previous Happiness Lessons:

How to find Happiness – 15 Lesson Series – Overview

How to find Happiness – Introduction

How to find Happiness – Key #1 – A relationship with God

How to find Happiness – Key #2 – Being thankful

How to find Happiness - Key #3 – Forgive yourself

How to find Happiness - Key #4 – Learning How to forgive others

How to find Happiness - Key #5 – Living in the present

How to find Happiness - Key #6 – Overcoming fear

How to find Happiness - Key #7 – Giving of your money

How to find Happiness - Key #8 – Giving of your time

How to find Happiness - Key #9 – Putting God first

How to find Happiness - Key #10 – Setting Goals

How to find Happiness – Key #11 – Making Friends and Meeting New People

May you find happiness by staying active.  We hope these tips help you get started.

Check in next week for another key to happiness.  Get notified via e-mail here.

Looking back over the past couple years and realizing that no matter how much I am becoming the man I want to be, sometimes the Man I didn’t want to be shows up.

It’s the awkward touchy feely things that make me uncomfortable around some situations, so when I’m standing on the side of the road hugging a homeless man after somehow I get him to voice his anger at God.  He cries/better yet/ wails into my shoulder.  The thought in my head “what the frell am I doing here?”

Earlier that year a Woman organizes a “prayer drive though” Corporate prayer is not my thing (please leave it at that) So I’m in the side of I 35 holding the signs, “Jesus Loves you”, and “free prayer”.  Again the thought in my head “what the frell am I doing here?”

The most shocking was early in my walk I was on mission to Biloxi. We were invited to join a small southern baptist church for wed night service, I did not want to go, I heard there was another church that played rock & more contemporary music.  I decided to got to the smaller church with the rest of my team. it was beautiful we walked in and they were all singing songs, no music or “hymnals” a lady sitting in front would sing a verse the rest of the people would follow.  It was beautiful so I just opened my bible and enjoyed the songs.  Then…. they stopped singing, the lady leading the worship looked over at our group and said “y’all…sing something”.  I jumped up in front of the whole church and sang “your love is amazing” 1 verse and the chorus, solo, a’capella, when I finished singing my Mission team looked like deer in headlights, I sat down and said to my team “that never leaves this room”.

Sometimes being worried about appearing to be one of those “wierd” people may deter us from experiencing something great or doing something great.

There are those who would “berate” people with the message “God loves you”. But I’ve been in in a bar talking to someone, and at the right point in the conversation I told a person just that. the reaction while still a little awkward was also met with gratitude.

Maybe it’s not so much what we say or do that turns people off.  But how we say it, why we say it, and what actions go with our words.  Is there meaning in it or is it just platitudes.

Not really sure how to tie this one up.   I guess there are 2 points… I think if we are living out our faith …to the full, there should be some “aw crap what am I doing here” type moments.  The second part is up for a longer debate.  Do we seek out these moments or allow them to be truly Spirit led… or do we constantly chase the wild goose (what Celtics (not the NBA Celtics) called the Holy Spirit), and thus mix the line between intentionality and spontaneity?

Key #11 to Happiness - Making Friends and Meeting New People!

We humans were never meant to be alone.  We are made to interact with other people and are much happier when we do.

I can sure relate to this one.  I had the pleasure of working from home for almost 20 years, which, at the time, I truly enjoyed.  As the years went on, however, I realized I wasn’t meeting new people – and thus, not making many new friends.  Being isolated 8-5 Monday through Friday wasn’t all it was cracked up to be.  My wife worked from home too and we really began to long for opportunities to make new friends and rub elbows more often with interesting people.

People who are isolated have more of a tendency to be depressed and not feel good about themselves.  I know this was true for me.  Sure, spending quiet, private time daily with the Lord is essential, but overall, it is important that we resist the urge to avoid others and spend most of our time alone.  For most, it leads to serious disillusionment and loneliness.

Some of you who are reading this article might think that no one likes you and therefore you are hesitant to meet new people.  There are some people who seem to make new friends very easily.  For others, however, it seems impossible.  If this describes you, I want you to know that this is a lie straight from hell.  First of all, Jesus likes you and made you just exactly the way He wanted.  He loves you no matter what you have done…or haven’t done. 

God is faithful (reliable, trustworthy, and therefore ever true to His promise, and He can be depended on); by Him you were called into companionship and participation with His Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.
1 Corinthians 1: 9

And the scripture was fulfilled that says, “Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness,” and he was called God’s friend.  James 2:23

Others will like you too once they get to know you.  We all have good and bad qualities, including the new people you meet.  Only one Person is/was/and ever will be perfect…and His initials are J.C.   All of the people you will meet have their own set of insecurities and challenges.  They want to make friends too but feel uncomfortable about allowing themselves to be seen by new people. 

Will you get along with everyone and have everyone like you?  No way.  At the same time, why not make an effort?  When you do, you will meet some great people and some will even turn out to be true lifelong friends.

Here are some Bible verses:

A friend loves at all times, and is born, as is a brother, for adversity. Proverbs 17: 17

Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.   1 John 4:11

Oil and perfume rejoice the heart; so does the sweetness of a friend’s counsel that comes from the heart. Proverbs 27: 9

As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend. Proverbs 27: 17

“Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.”  Romans 12:9-10

Reaching out to meet people:

As I said before, most people have their own issues and often will not approach you.  You’ll need to make an effort.  In fact, most likely, you’ll have to make the first move.  I know it can be scary.  Heck, I’d rather everyone reach out to me too.  But 99% of the time, they’ll even tell you how much they appreciate your effort!  You might want to invite people from work to a barbeque at your house, or give them your business card and ask them to have lunch sometime.

Where to meet people:

We’ve met some great friends going to the dog park or at a church picnic when you’re standing around eating food.  Just get out.  Go places where people are.

How to meet people:

This isn’t really deep but…just say “hi, my name is…!”  Give them a compliment on something you like about them or something they’re doing.  Also remember, people like to talk about themselves.  Be interested in them…pretty soon you will discover an interest or something you have in common.  Focus on them and you’ll make lots of friends.  If you hit it off, invite them out for coffee or lunch, arrange to get together or just give them your card or phone number.

Once you get to know people, make an effort to cultivate your friendships.  Get together with at  least a friend once every week or two.  You might have to initiate these invitations, but remember, you’ll be the one that will be more fulfilled and happier for it.

I recently practiced what I’m preaching as my wife was out of town visiting family for a week.  It can get pretty lonely when we’re by ourselves, so I decided to invite several people over that have not seen for a while.  All of us were blessed by this outreach with a good time and great conversation, plus we got to know each other just a little more.

Keys to happiness exercise:

• Ask God for help and courage (ask Jesus into your life if you have not done so already.  He’s the best friend you’ll ever have)
• Look for a church that you can meet people.  Stick around after service and introduce yourself.
• Go to some events or places where people are and start conversations.  If you have a dog, visit the dog park.
• Make a plan to call and invite current friends you would like to spend time with.
• Pray to God that He will help you make new friends.

Previous Happiness Lessons:

How to find Happiness – 15 Lesson Series – Overview

How to find Happiness – Introduction

How to find Happiness – Key #1 – A relationship with God

How to find Happiness – Key #2 – Being thankful

How to find Happiness - Key #3 – Forgive yourself

How to find Happiness - Key #4 – Learning How to forgive others

How to find Happiness - Key #5 – Living in the present

How to find Happiness - Key #6 – Overcoming fear

How to find Happiness - Key #7 – Giving of your money

How to find Happiness - Key #8 – Giving of your time

How to find Happiness - Key #9 – Putting God first

How to find Happiness - Key #10 – Setting Goals

May you find happiness by making new friends and spending more time with people you already know! 

Check in next week for another key to happiness.  Get notified via e-mail here.

Key #10 to Happiness – Setting Goals

There are many reasons to set goals.  People who set clear goals not only experience more success in their lives, but they are usually also happier and less stressed.

We can all look at our past and analyze different stages of our lives and see that we’ve been happier when we have had something to look forward to…and that is what having dreams, setting goals and visualizing them is all about.  Goals are nothing more than dreams with a deadline.

But what about people who don’t have a clear passion or direction for their lives – no goals?  Should they just pick something arbitrarily?  If this describe you, don’t worry.  Keep reading!  There is a special section for you half way through this lesson.

Here are some of my favorite quotes on goal setting and success:

“The person who makes a success of living is the one who sees his goal steadily and aims for it unswervingly.” -  Cecil B. De Mille

“We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.” – Oscar Wilde

“Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.”  – Henry Ford

“Aim at heaven and you get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.” - C. S. Lewis

“Give yourself the freedom to explore the possibility of life without limits. Goals are dreams with deadlines, a means to an end but not the ultimate purpose of life.” – Glynis Nunn

Here is what the Bible says about fulfilling your purpose in life, goal setting and success:

“Where there is no vision, the people perish”.  Proverbs 29:18

“I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus”.  Phil 3:14

“A man’s heart plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps.”  Proverbs 16:9

“This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate in it day and night, that you may observe to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.”   Josh 1:8

“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.  “For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.”  Matt 7:7-8

“But his delight is in the law of the LORD, and in His law he meditates day and night. He shall be like a tree Planted by the rivers of water, that brings forth its fruit in its season, Whose leaf also shall not wither; And whatever he does shall prosper.”  Psalms 1:2-3

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.”  Proverbs 3:5-6

“I will lift up my eyes to the hills–From whence comes my help?  My help comes from the LORD, Who made heaven and earth”.  Psalms 121:1-2

Goals give us focus.  This is especially important when we’re depressed or down on ourselves.  At those times, we need to take our focus off the current situation and focus or re-focus on the overall goals and dreams… or maybe set some new goals.  Setting goals is a lifelong process that needs to be renewed and reviewed all the time…at least once every few months.

But what about people who don’t think they have any goals?

Rest assured, God has put purpose and goals in every one of His masterpieces (humans that is, and that means you too).  If you don’t think you have any goals, ask God to let the ones He’s put in your heart and spirit to bubble up to the forefront of your mind.  Some people have never allowed themselves to know what they want.  If this is you, just ask God to help you in this area.  It’s His greatest joy to watch you become everything He planned for you!

People who think they have no goals are usually comparing themselves to others who are exceptionally ambitious and verbal about strong personal achievement goals.  You know who I’m talking about – they are the ones who talk about being the president of a Fortune 500 company by the time they’re 40, a huge music or movie star, or the biggest contractor in the city by age 35!  Of course some of these people will achieve these goals, and that’s great.  Don’t forget however, the most important goal of all should be to hear those cherished words, “Well done good and faithful servant, you were faithful over a few things, now I will make you ruler over many” by Jesus Himself when He welcomes you into the Kingdom for all eternity!  So, let the driven people be who they were meant to be – you get to be the person God made you to be!  He has more good thoughts about you than there are grains of sand on all the seas of the world – and all these thoughts include great plans (and goals) for you. (Psalms 139:17 & Jer 29:11)

Goal setting is important for all areas of our lives.

• • Spiritual Goals (like being more like Jesus)
  • Family Goals (like being a better spouse or a better father)
  • Health Goals (like losing 20 lbs.)
  • Business Goals (like increase sales)
  • Financial Goals (like becoming debt free)
  • Social Goals (like making some new friends)
  • Charity Goals (like giving more)
  • Other Important Goals (like having more balance)

Correct Goal Setting Process:

Identify an overall goal or dream (let’s say that you would like to be healthier)

• • Break the goal down into specific goals (like losing 24 lbs.)
  • Set a deadline (like…lose 24 lbs. in 6 months)
  • Break it down into monthly and weekly goals (4 lbs. per month or 1 lb. per week)
  • Determine daily tasks (not eating desert or minimizing your calorie intake or running 3 times per week for 1 mile to achieve your goals).

Keys to happiness exercise:

• • Ask God for help (ask Jesus into your life if you have not done so already) Email me if you’d like more direction. info@successandfailure.net
  • Take some time on finding a meaningful why and set long term goals – They can’t be someone else’s goals…they have to be your own.
  • Set realistic goals – It’s the difference between successfully reaching your goals and setting yourself up for failure.  Let’s say that you wanted to lose 24 lbs.  If you have not run for 20 years, it would be foolish to set an action plan to run 10 miles per day.  It’s better to be more conservative and increase your activity as you get a feel what you can realistically do.
  • Be consistent with your activity – 90% of success is just showing up. Don’t underestimate this part.  Better to commit to less and be consistent than to commit to too much and then quit soon after you start.
  • Visualize your why and goals at least once each week
  • Look at your goals and action plan several times per week and adjust it if necessary
  • Hint – if you’re unable to perform your daily and weekly tasks or start making excuses – spend more time on your why (you’re probably having trouble because it’s not real to you – most likely from someone else such as an overbearing parent, teacher or other influential person in your life – ask God to help you hear Him alone)

For additional info on goal setting see our Goal Setting Webinar.

Previous Happiness Lessons:

How to find Happiness – 15 Lesson Series – Overview

How to find Happiness – Introduction

How to find Happiness – Key #1 – A relationship with God

How to find Happiness – Key #2 – Being thankful

How to find Happiness - Key #3 – Forgive yourself

How to find Happiness - Key #4 – Learning How to forgive others

How to find Happiness - Key #5 – Living in the present

How to find Happiness - Key #6 – Overcoming fear

How to find Happiness - Key #7 – Giving of your money

How to find Happiness - Key #8 – Giving of your time

How to find Happiness - Key #9 – Putting God first

Check in next week for another key to happiness.  Get notified via e-mail

We were dancing

When the music stopped

I wondered where it had gone

I tried

to listen

to discern

What had happened to the beautiful music that had once played

The music that had

kept me

held me

Embraced me with so much love

I did not know where to turn

What would happen next

Would all the life be gone

Would I wake up and see that I was just another

Virgin without a lamp

Would I find out that I had

Chosen the wrong way

Taken a wrong turn

Taken my eyes off the One I love

Will I be the one

Who’s left

Never seeing

Never perceiving

Never knowing

Never Trusting

No I will NOT

Let this be said of me

I will be the one who

listens

hears

knows

I will be the one

giving

dancing

To the beautiful music

I will be the one embracing the One I love so…

Allow me this once more

To hear the music

Give me the freedom in You once more

To feel the rythm

To know the beat

To hear what others don’t

To walk that walk

Dance that dance

Love that love that I have known

~Bambi
March 30, 2010

Key #9 to Happiness – Putting God First

We all have priorities in life.  When it comes to happiness people all have different goals, needs, hopes and desires.  What makes one person happy may not even come close to satisfying another.  Whatever is most important to us will always come first in our lives.  That which we love the most will always be our highest priority.  The things and people that bring us joy and happiness will always get the most of our time and attention.   So, the question is this, what matters most to you?  What is the first priority of your life? Is it your family, children, career, money, material things?  Is it achieving fame or status?  Maybe your appearance is most important to you?   First identify what you are actually putting first in your life.  Discover why it so important to put God first and what happens when other things and people come before God.  Lastly learn specific ways to put God first and help you begin to put God first in your life right away.

Lamentations 3:40 (New International Version)

Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the LORD.

Psalm 26:2 (New International Version)

Test me, O LORD, and try me, examine my heart and my mind;

Identifying what you really put first in your life:

Learning what your true priorities are in life is really pretty simple to do.  Start by asking yourself this, “what do I spend my time, energy and effort on most?”  If you have to, grab a piece of paper and pen and roughly write out a list of what you generally do each day, from start to finish, first thing in the morning to bedtime.   Can you recognize any patterns or things of special interest? Whatever you devote most of your time, money, energy, and efforts to is what you are putting first in your life.  God knows the truth and He knows your heart.  He knows what means the most to you and where you’re true devotion lies.

Deuteronomy 6:5 (New International Version)

Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.

Jeremiah 17:10 (New International Version)

“I the LORD search the heart and examine the mind, to reward a man according to his conduct, according to what his deeds deserve.”

Do not worry God is so full of love.  God is faithful to forgive us.

1 John 1:9 (New International Version)

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

Putting God first is important for obtaining happiness:

Putting God first is extremely important for many reasons, but one of those reasons is that it does produce happiness in our lives.  The reason we should put God first is because of our love for Him.  We should find happiness and joy in putting God first.  Happiness is not the reason or the motive it is the reward, it is the harvest, and it is the blessing.  How exciting and wonderful this is.  Our reward for making God our first priority is happiness and joy and blessings.

Psalm 37:4 (New International Version)

Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.

If you delight in the Lord he will give you the desires of your heart.  There is true happiness in delighting in the Lord.

Psalm 35:9 (New International Version)

Then my soul will rejoice in the LORD and delight in his salvation

Psalm 65:4

Blessed (happy, fortunate, to be envied) is the man whom You choose and cause to come near, that he may dwell in Your courts! We shall be satisfied with the goodness of Your house, Your holy temple.

Psalm 112:1 (Amplified Bible)

PRAISE THE Lord! (Hallelujah!) Blessed (happy, fortunate, to be envied) is the man who fears (reveres and worships) the Lord, who delights greatly in His commandments.

Matthew 6:32-34 (Amplified Bible)

For the Gentiles (heathen) wish for and crave and diligently seek all these things, and your heavenly Father knows well that you need them all.  But seek ([a]aim at and strive after) first of all His kingdom and His righteousness ([b]His way of doing and being right), and then all these things [c]taken together will be given you besides. So do not worry or be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will have worries and anxieties of its own. Sufficient for each day is its own trouble.

Putting God first is more than a goal to keep in mind.  Putting God first is the main ingredient to happiness. Without God being first in your life the recipe for happiness will not ever come out right. No matter how hard you try, you can not make yourself happy and other people (all in themselves) can not make you happy either. It also makes sense that no inanimate thing can bring happiness either. Only God can give us an abundant and fruitful life.

The outcome of failing to put God first in our lives:

When we fail to put God first we fail miserably.  We do not reach happiness.  We then turn to other things and try to replace the missing ingredient in our lives.  We turn to habits, addictions, we try to fill our time and entertain our minds and we seek alternate means of pleasure.  We discover that nothing else could ever be enough.  It is like trying to bake a cake without flour.  It is like a turkey sandwich without turkey.  It could never satisfy because it is missing the main ingredient!

God wants for us to seek Him first and to delight in Him.  He wants to be the one to give us happiness, joy and abounding blessings!  When we try to please ourselves or seek out happiness on our own apart from God, not only do fail to find it, we also slip farther and farther away from Him and our only real hope of happiness. We end up angry, sad, depressed and feeling unloved and unaccepted.

Cain is not a favorite of most people.  He is known and remembered for killing his brother Abel out of cold blood.  We can actually learn a lot from the story.  Take a moment and read it.

Genesis 4

AND ADAM knew Eve as his wife, and she became pregnant and bore Cain; and she said, I have gotten and gained a man with the help of the Lord.  And [next] she gave birth to his brother Abel. Now Abel was a keeper of sheep, but Cain was a tiller of the ground.  And in the course of time Cain brought to the Lord an offering of the fruit of the ground.  And Abel brought of the firstborn of his flock and of the fat portions. And the Lord had respect and regard for Abel and for his offering, But for Cain and his offering He had no respect or regard. So Cain was exceedingly angry and indignant, and he looked sad and depressed.  And the Lord said to Cain, Why are you angry? And why do you look sad and depressed and dejected?  If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin crouches at your door; its desire is for you, but you must master it.

Cain felt dejected, and when God did not respect or accept his offering it made him exceedingly angry and indignant, and he looked sad and depressed.  This is the same outcome for us when we fail to put God first.  We end up allowing sin to master us and we achieve the exact opposite of happiness.

Specific ways to put God first in your life:

In looking at the story of Cain again we read that God saw how Cain was behaving, and He noticed how Cain was feeling.  He came to Him in love much the way any loving parent would go to their child.  He asked Cain why he was feeling that way, even though He all ready knew the answer. He questioned Cain saying, “If you do well, will you not be accepted?”  He also explained that if he didn’t do well he was only opening himself up to trouble.  Sin is there waiting at our door, it desires us but we must master it through Christ Jesus.

Here are some specific things we can do to put God first, but be creative, and find new ways to show God you love Him and you are so happy and full of joy because of Him.  The basic idea is to put Gods will above your own.  If you really want to you can think of endless ways to demonstrate how much God really means to you.

Keys to happiness exercise:

1. Read the Word of God and desire to do well and follow God’s commands.  Find happiness and joy and take delight in God.
2. Begin each day in devotion to God.  In prayer, study, and praise.  Offer God your first time.  It is a very special time of day to seek God and pray.  We are rested and alert and blessed to have a new day.
3. Offer thanks to God for your food and drink and give God of your first fruits.  Be sure to give to God and toward the Kingdom of God. Give as Abel gave.  Give God of your first and best.  Give with a glad heart and offer up your praises to God too.
4. Trust God to provide your heart’s desires and all of your needs.  God promises that if we seek the kingdom of God first that God will make sure to provide all we need.
5. Seek God first in all aspects of your life.  Seek God first in regard to relationships, finances, dreams, hopes and desires, in your career and in every part of your life.
6. Attend Church (if you don’t all ready)
7. Begin a spiritual journal devoted to bible study and prayer.

In conclusion, God loves you and wants you to be happy.  God wants to provide you with all you need and even your heart’s desire.  God has proved His great love to us by giving His only Begotten Son so that our sins might be forgiven and so that we can have life everlasting in Christ Jesus.  He gave His ALL for all of us.  Jesus gave His all.  He willingly and lovingly gave His life on the cross as a perfect, sinless sacrifice for our sins.  There is no greater love than the love of God.  His love, His salvation, His happiness and joy are all gifts from God to you.  All you have to do is believe it, accept it, confess it and live it.   Begin to put God first right now and begin to live life more abundantly!

John 3:16 (New International Version)

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

John 6:47 (New International Version)

I tell you the truth, he who believes has everlasting life.

John 10:10 (New International Version)

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

Previous Happiness Lessons:

How to find Happiness – 15 Lesson Series – Overview

How to find Happiness – Introduction

How to find Happiness – Key #1 – A relationship with God

How to find Happiness – Key #2 – Being Thankful

How to find Happiness – 15 Lesson Series – Overview

How to find Happiness - Key #4 – Learning How to forgive others

How to find Happiness - Key #5 – Living in the present

How to find Happiness - Key #6 – Overcoming fear

How to find Happiness - Key #7 – Giving of your money

How to find Happiness - Key #8 – Giving of your time

May you find happiness through giving of yourself!  Check in next week for another key to happiness.  Get notified via e-mail

Key #8 to Happiness – Giving of your time.

Personally, it’s easier for me to give of my money than my time.  As a busy person, and who isn’t?  When I get home from work or fantasize about a restful weekend, the last thing I want to do is pile on additional obligations that might compromise my well-deserved R&R.  Now of course, a good balance of work, play and rest is an important part of life.

Giving of your time as a volunteer:

Sometimes we can feel overwhelmed by thinking that our measly efforts can’t really make a big impact.  We see the immensity of the need in the world and the pitiful smallness of our own contribution, and end up wondering if I have the ability to make any difference at all.  I remember when I got involved with a local homeless shelter that had 100 beds.  I thought, wow – 100 beds!  This is a huge operation!  It sounded like we were helping a significant number of desperately needy people.  But then I heard that there were over 15,000 homeless people within that same valley.  I couldn’t believe it!  The percentage we were helping was pathetically small compared to the magnitude of the need.  I mentioned this to the shelter’s director and he said, “Yes, but as small as our efforts are, they make a huge difference to the 100 people who we daily feed and provide food and safe shelter for their families.”

It never fails.  When I try to bless people by helping out, I inevitably find myself blessed more than those I am supposedly helping.   But wait – are their needs real or am I just making them up so I can jump in and feel like a hero?  No, some peoples’ situations are desperate and they really do need help.  But the depth of humility and satisfaction that God blesses me with exceeds the degree of my contribution by so far that I often wonder – who is really ministering to whom?

Being able to participate in the delivery of real basic needs to truly needy people gives you a sense of gratitude, happiness and thanksgiving for all the blessings in your life.  I promise you, by getting involved, you will develop a passion for the needy.

You don’t have to work with the homeless to be a volunteer.   There are many worthwhile causes and organizations that serve the community…and they all need your help.  Look for an organization you can believe in and figure out a way to serve.  You will be blessed…guaranteed!

Look for a local ministry first.  Here is a great website that lists additional organizations.  http://www.charitynavigator.org/

Here is what the Bible has to say about serving others:

Key #7 to Happiness – The Quality Giving of Your Money

I have learned that money is not fun for most people because most people do not realize that you have to understand it and if you are negative about money, or are consumed by it, you are never going to be happy or have a lot of it.  Your financial plans are never going to succeed.

And it does not matter if you make $20,000 per year or $100,000.  The principal still applies.

If you find yourself searching for more happiness, stability and growth in your financial health, consider what the Bible has to say about money.  There is a wealth of information found there, as well as a number of valuable lessons.

And what about happiness?  Is it possible to find it in the midst of financial turmoil or the everyday mundane living of life?  Oh, yes, I believe it can and countless scores of other people do also.

What I have for you today are three Keys to the Quality Giving of Your Money.  They work because they are personal.  And when you dealing with your own finances, you must make it personal or it will never work.

Key #1 Help Others by Helping Yourself

Money should not be your master and it should not control you.  Effective Christian financial planning uses the tools provided by God as a way to meet your needs – not the “gotta haves”. There is only to be one master and that is God, not Mammon (who was the god of money).

So what do you do when the ends do not meet?  Or you have nothing extra to give?  The first thing is to take a look at your monthly expenses and figure out ways to reduce them.  Live simply.

Are you always on the lookout for ways to save money?  Do you have a personal spending plan (budget) and are faithful in its execution?  Do you tithe?  Helping yourself by being able to say yes to all three of these questions will ensure you continue to be able to help others and happiness will reign.

Key #2  Do Your Finances Reflect Your Faith?

In today’s modern world, the idea of tithes and offerings to God in Christian finances has fallen by the wayside.  Many are struggling financially, and the idea of relinquishing some of your financial wealth or possessions simply does not seem like good financial sense.

However, it is not about the giving his own money to the Lord, but rather an act of returning it to the original owner.  All things exist through His grace, and therefore in truth, the wealth that you have, you keep only as a steward upon his behalf.  When a Christian chooses not to tithe and give offerings, he is in fact stealing from God.

Will a man rob God?  Yet ye have robbed me.  But ye say, ‘Wherein have we robbed thee?  In tithes and offerings.  Ye are cursed with a curse, for ye have robbed me, even this whole nation. Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the Lord of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessings that there shall not be room enough to receive it.  Malachi 3:8-10

Aside from not stealing from God, the passage in Malachi quoted above provides a very real incentive.

Whatever is returned to God, he will return back yet again in good measure, pressed down, and shaken together and running over, shall men give into your bosom.  For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again. Luke 6:38

Wow, sounds like an incredible recipe for happiness to me!

Key #3 You Cannot Out-Give God

God gives us life. There cannot be any more giving than that, but he took it a step further and not only gave life to US, but gave US HIS own life so that we could be saved. This is the ultimate in charity – and no one can top it.  So forget trying to give more than God because you cannot. Instead, concentrate on giving out of obedience and a right heart (motives).

Every man according as he purposeth in his heart, so let him give; not grudgingly, or of necessity: for God loveth a cheerful giver.
2 Corinthians 9:7

Happiness and gratefulness abound.

Key #4 Have A Proper Perspective

When someone has a need I want to be able to help them up.  It could be time, or stuff, or money.  Whatever it might be, having the options available to bless someone else is a great position to be in.

Have you not seen or helped others who were in some pretty desperate situations?  It always makes me more grateful for what I do have.  This, my friend, is where joy, happiness, and contentment come to reside in your life and begin to consume you – no matter what financial situation you are in.

When I become a giver, I can look and see that my situation is not as bad as I thought it was.

When you are focused on somebody else, your own personal financial plan becomes a whole lot easier to manage.   Incredible benefits all around.

Take Some Action

Now, take these Keys to the Quality Giving of Your Money and do something.  Do you want the joy and happiness you seek?  Take action.  Information without implementation is just plain ‘ole entertainment.  And I know you are reading this simply to be entertained.  If so, you had better ask for your money back.

As Frederick Douglas once said, “It is time to start praying with your legs.”

Keys to happiness exercise:

• Ask God for help (ask Jesus into your life if you have not done so already)
• Start tithing 10% of your income
• Pray to God to help you let go of the obsession of money
• Give to someone in need (pray first) do it without trying to get recognition for it. God will know and love you for it.

Previous Happiness Lessons:

How to find Happiness – 15 Lesson Series – Overview

How to find Happiness – Introduction

How to find Happiness – Key #1 – A relationship with God

How to find Happiness – Key #2 – Being Thankful

How to find Happiness - Key #3 – Learning How to forgive yourself

How to find Happiness - Key #4 – Learning How to forgive others

How to find Happiness – Key #5 – Living in the present

How to find Happiness - Key #6 – Overcoming fear

Do you need Christian Financial Planning?  Providing answers to Christian finance questions

Key #5 to Happiness – Living in the present

At first glance, you might ask – what does living in the present have to do with happiness?  What’s so great about the present?  What does it even mean to live in the present?   It means that we are focused on what we are experiencing, thinking and/or feeling right now…and not caught up in the fantasies about the future or burdened down with memories of the past.

“Be here now” was a popular phrase in the hippy days which was captured well in many books and songs.  Like all things, however, embracing this concept can lead a person either positively or negatively…into deep irresponsibility and narcissism, or into the discipline of total reliance upon God for every need on a moment to moment basis.

Living in the “now” with Jesus is the epitome of joy, peace, wisdom, power and destiny.

But how do you get there?  Well, first, let’s explore not living in the present.

Living in the past = Regret

“When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.” Alexander Graham Bell

I must admit that I too relive the past sometimes.   Like most of us, when I find myself in the past, I am usually reliving a mistake or a negative situation, which then makes me feel badly about myself.  Oh, I have personal ones too, but when I am stuck in the past it usually has to do with work.  Have you ever had an important meeting and you blew it?  I have.  For days I can beat myself up over it replaying the scene over and over in my mind, wishing I could have a “do over.”   Sometimes even years later, I can find myself feeling sick about a particular meeting that went south.

I can only imagine the torment people experience who have made a mistake that caused serious injury or even someone’s life.  One such situation happened recently with one of my relatives. 
Frankly, I don’t know how one gets over something like that, except by God’s grace.  (check out our article from a few weeks ago “Learning How to forgive yourself”)

God promises to give the Holy Spirit liberally to everyone who asks for Him.

“If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more

will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!” Luke 11:13

He also said, “If you ask anything in my name, I will do it.” John. 14:14

What does “anything” include?  Hmmnn…  I guess it means ANYTHING.  (which includes healing your memories and self incriminations)  But there’s more –

“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness”.  1 John 1:9 (NKJV)
“Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead”,   Phil 3:13 (NKJV)

There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.  Romans 8:1 (NKJV)

On the other hand, if we are constantly recalling positive experiences of the past, it usually means that our happiness is caught up deeds or works we did earlier…with pride hovering around us ready to establish (or grow) a deeper root.  Even reliving our own old glory days too often can hold us back from hearing the new thing God has for us now.

Here is what the Bible says about living in the past:

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.  2 Cor 5:17 (NKJV)

Therefore we were buried with Him through baptism into death, that just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life.  Romans 6:4 (NKJV)

Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ  Phil 3:8 (NKJV)

Living in the future = Anxiety and Fear.

We all like to think about the possibility about a wonderful future where our dreams come true and that is not a bad thing.  However, truth be told, when most of us think about the future, it’s usually about negative things…things we fear.  Fear of losing a job, not being able to pay the bills, not being able to care for our families and more.  We all face these fears, including myself.  The key is not to dwell on our fears but to give them over to God…that is what he wants us to do with them.  Also, check out our next keys to happiness next week where we’ll talk about how to overcome fear.

Here is what the Bible has to say about fixating on the future, worry and fear:

“Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on.  Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?  Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?  So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.  Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?  Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’  For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.  ”But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.   Matthew 6:25-34 (NKJV)

“Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression, But a good word makes it glad”.  Proverbs 12:25 (NKJV)

“Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. Behold, all those who were incensed against you Shall be ashamed and disgraced; They shall be as nothing, And those who strive with you shall perish. You shall seek them and not find them…Those who contended with you. Those who war against you Shall be as nothing, As a nonexistent thing.  For I, the LORD your God, will hold your right hand, Saying to you, Fear not, I will help you.”  Isaiah 41:10-13 (NKJV)

Living in the present

If you worry about what might be, and wonder what might have been, you will ignore what is.  ~Author Unknown

We crucify ourselves between two thieves:  regret for yesterday and fear of tomorrow.  ~Fulton Oursler

There is a lot of truth in the above words.  For a very few people, living is the present comes naturally, including our dogs.  That is definitely something we can learn from our K9s…they truly live in the present.  For most of us however, it takes effort to train our minds to let go of our worries and forgive ourselves of our mistake.  The good news is that we can do it with help from God.  He promises us (read the above verses again) to help us if we just let him.  When we do that, overall we’re happier people.

Do you realize that only when we live in the present can we experience God’s presence?

Keys to happiness exercise:

• Ask God for help (ask Jesus into your life if you have not done so already)
• Read the above scriptures and others from our Successful Living area every day for a week
• Memorize the scripture that speaks to you most
• Every time fear, worry or regret creeps into your mind, pray, give it to the lord and repeat your favorite scripture.
• Ask others to pray for you
• Feel free to e-mail us with questions
• Sign up for our e-mail reminder as soon as a new key to happiness is published

Previous Happiness Lessons:

How to find Happiness – 15 Lesson Series – Overview

How to find Happiness – Introduction

How to find Happiness – Key #1 – A relationship with God

How to find Happiness – Key #2 – Being Thankful

How to find Happiness – Key #3 – Learning How to forgive yourself

How to find Happiness – Key #4 – Learning How to forgive others

May you find true happiness and may God answer your prayers – Amen!

Key #2 to Happiness – Being Thankful!

I don’t think that we can be happy if we don’t have a sense of thanksgiving for the good things in our lives.  Being thankful takes effort.  Naturally, most of us focus on our problems, on what we lack and what ails us.  Let’s face it…every one of us has some areas of our lives that are difficult and confusing.  Some of these challenges are short term and some are life-long burdens.  Some are self-inflicted and some are not our fault.

No matter how positive any one of us may be, there are times when a problem gets the best of us.  I must admit, as I write this, I am preaching to myself as well as sharing my thoughts with you.  Last week at work, for example, I let some of the pressures get to me.  We were trying to keep an important client happy, and everyone (including my direct manager and even the President of the company) had a passionate opinion about what I should do.  Unfortunately, the client had totally different ideas and I was walking that thin line of carrying the burden of keeping everyone happy.  The pressure even affected my life at home.  (My wife would say it wasn’t that bad, but I can see the difference when I don’t have much time for her)

I realize that some of you have much more serious problems.  Some of you might have lost your job or you lost your dream home due to foreclosure…some of you might have been informed that you have some serious illness, possibly even a life threatening one.  A dear relative of ours is living through everyone’s worst nightmare – the untimely death of one of their children in their 20’s.   How can one ever get past such a deep tragedy?  Is it even possible?  A better question is – does God really know what’s going on down here?  Does He see the pain you’re in, the impossible boss, the rebellious spouse or child, the empty bank account, or worse?

These situations are taking you by surprise, but not God.  He tells us that He saw every day of our lives before the foundation of the world – that every day of your life has been recorded in His book.  (God says this right after He tells you that He has more good thoughts about you than there are grains of sand on all the seas of the world)  He has a plan for you that goes way beyond your life on this planet – He has great plans for you throughout all eternity!  Since everyone will have different assignments after life on earth, each of us has to be prepared differently.  God has a wonderful future designed for you!  So you don’t want to be fighting against Him.

Our disappointments, losses and pressures, if not checked, can consume us and make our lives a living hell.  The question is…can we find happiness even when experiencing serious problems?  The answer is yes.  One of the keys to happiness is making a conscious decision and effort to take our focus off our problems and focus of all the good things in our lives…being thankful for those.

Some of you might argue that there is nothing to be thankful for.  On the surface that might seem true…but you’d be surprised.  I admit that this is not always easy but try we must nevertheless.

Personally, when I struggle with problems, I bring God into the situation, eventually.  As a stubborn Austrian, of course, I usually try to handle the problem first by myself… you know, my way!  But without Him, the whole situation inevitably gets worse.  Yes, I usually attempt a fix the hard way but then after several setbacks, I let Him take over.  The earlier in the challenge I surrender the issue to Him, the less pain I experience.  Why is that so hard to remember?   I don’t know why I need to re-learn the lesson over and over again.

Frankly, giving Him our issues is the first thing we should do. Did you know that God actually loves to hear from us about our problems?  He wants to be involved.  He is an amazing God that heals, provides, protects, restores and so much more.  Below are some Bible verses…

The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; My God, my strength, in whom I will trust; My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.  Psalms 18:2 (NKJV)

God is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble.  Therefore we will not fear, Even though the earth be removed, And though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;  Psalms 46:1-2 (NKJV)

You, who have shown me great and severe troubles, Shall revive me again, And bring me
up again from the depths of the earth.  Psalms 71:20 (NKJV)

As a father pities his children, So the LORD pities those who fear Him.  Psalms 103:13 (NKJV)

He heals the brokenhearted And binds up their wounds.  Psalms 147:3 (NKJV)

Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’  Isaiah 41:10 (NKJV)

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, Nor shall the flame scorch you.  Isaiah 43:2 (NKJV)

Blessed are those who mourn, For they shall be comforted.  Matt 5:4 (NKJV)

Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.  ”Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake.  ”Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.
Matt 5:10-12 (NKJV)

“Are not two sparrows sold for a copper coin? And not one of them falls to the ground apart from your Father’s will.  ”But the very hairs of your head are all numbered.  ”Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.  Matt 10:29-31 (NKJV)

“Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  ”Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  ”For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”  Matt 11:28-30 (NKJV)

We are hard pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair;  2 Corinthians 4:8 (NKJV)

Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day.  For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory,  2 Corinthians 4:16-17 (NKJV)

So let’s take some time and think about all the things that are good in your life…your health…your husband or wife…your kids… your job…the fact you live in America…that you have roof over your head…that you can see…hear…walk…talk…and that Jesus died for you.  If you’re having trouble with this, just take some extra time to think about it…it will be worth it.  It’s amazing how many things most of us can come up with.

It is important to write these things down as you come up with these items.  Then read them out laud several times per day.  It’s really amazing what just that little exercise will do help us experience happiness.  Here is what the Bible says about being thankful…

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.  Phil 4:6-7 (NKJV)

Oh, give thanks to the LORD, for He is good! For His mercy endures forever.  Psalms 118:1 (NKJV)

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 1 Thess 5:16-18 (NKJV)

Thanks be to God for His indescribable gift!  2 Cor 9:15 (NKJV)

And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.  Col 3:17 (NKJV)

I thank my God upon every remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine making request for you all with joy,  Phil 1:3-4 (NKJV)

Keys to happiness exercise:

• Ask God for help (ask Jesus into your life if you have not done so already)
• Write down 10 -20 things you are thankful for
• Read them every day for a week…maybe even twice per day
• Every time a thought about your problem seem to creep into your mind, remind yourself of one or more things that you are thankful for
• Ask others to pray for you
• Feel free to e-mail us with questions
• Sign up for our e-mail reminder as soon as a new key to happiness is published

For related articles – Check out:

How to find Happiness – 15 Lesson – Overview

How to find Happiness – Introduction

How to find Happiness – Key #1 – A relationship with God

How to find Happiness – Key #3 – Learning how to forgive yourself

How to find Happiness – Key #4 – Learning How to forgive others

How to find Happiness - Key #5 – Living in the present

What to do when you’re sick

Don’t Worry

Salvation – What it takes to be saved

Answers for Living

May you find happiness and may God answer your prayers mightily – Amen!