Success and Failure Blog

The tenth commandment instructs us to love our neighbors.  Matthew 5:42 instructs us to love our enemies.    I don’t know about you but these are the hardest laws that God has given to us for me to follow.

I have had experiences of loving others that I considered my enemy.  My ex-husband for example he admittedly loved to  get me angry or upset even after I left.  My husband’s ex loved to do the same to him.   As my relationship with God flourished I realized the need to pray for these two and their families.  I also came to the conclusion that because of my sin of divorce that there were certain things that God was not going to keep me from experiencing.  These are the consequences of my sin.  But it is easier to love someone from a distance, not having to deal with their idiosyncrasies on a daily basis.  Now I am experiencing a much tougher love of my enemy and neighbor.

In August 2008 my family and I moved from New Jersey to Greene, NY in search of the wonderous open lands available and the safety of not living near the high crime cities of Philadelphia and Camden.  We felt it God’s will.  God moved mountains to get us here.

We really did not want neighbors to close on either side of our home but the home we chose has a neighbor to our right within 50 feet.  When we moved here the house was empty.  At the time we were so busy readying our home and land that I never thought to pray for christian neighbors. What a mistake!

In April 2009 we were going to have a new neighbor.  A single mom with two children who fell into our children’s age groups.  At first glance it seemed great.

As the weeks went by and the time of their move in was coming, I was filled with such ill-will about these people who were going to move next door to me.  I had not even met them yet.  Awful nightmares, feelings of nausea, depression, anxiety ensued.  I prayed to the Lord for His will to be done but to also protect my marriage and family during this time.  I had no idea why I was feeling so insecure about all this but I knew that something evil was lurking.

On the day of move in I mustered up the strength to go over and introduce myself.  Gave the new neighbors a casserole and cake.  As weeks went by it became clear that some of the behaviors in their household were temptations to not only myself but to my husband and children.  Behaviors that I had prayed and worked hard to rid myself of and that I prayed and hoped my husband would rid himself of.  Behaviors that we were hoping our children would not pick up on from others.

My husband was liking our new neighbors and could not understand why I just did not want to have more than a “hello, how are you” relationship.  He kept encouraging me to make friends with her and her friends.  So for his sake I kept trying thinking that this instinctive gut feeling I was having was maybe me just having an overactive imagination.

As more time went by, what I saw with my eyes was disturbing and made me uncomfortable.  My husband just kept assuring me that we would be okay and that we should be neighborly.

I was praying so hard at this time for myself and my husband, our marriage, and for our neighbors and their friends.  I was especially praying for God to instill a loving heart in me for these people because I just did not want to love them.

They seemed so nice bearing gifts, etc…I am having trouble finding the passage but the good Lord does warn us to guard ourselves against those who appear to honorable by giving they do it only for their own credit not from him.

Then suddenly an uprising at their home occurred and I had one of my neighbors friends on my doorstep.  Over the weeks she gained the trust of myself and my husband.  I wanted to believe that she was good.  She listened to me witness to her.  Her significant other and my husband were liking one another.  I thought okay now I know why God sent these people for us to be great witnesses to them.  I was still uncomfortable so many old habits that were tempting me but I was able to trust them enough to allow them to watch my children while in the hospital having my last child.

Then suddenly without forwarning after they visited the baby and went out with us once after, they no longer were answering our calls…She had fled to her mothers for rest.  I thought something was wrong so I tried to reach out.  She said she would call or come visit and there was nothing.  So I stopped reaching out.  She now is back to being great friends with the neighbor.

Hmmm…why can’t two people befriend another.  Deceit, lies, hidden lives….

The Climax:  Our neighbor has always had a problem keeping her dogs in her yard for their duties.  My husband gets disgusted with it.  So he would pick it up with a shovel and fling it. I did not agree with this.  So the last time he did it he came in and asked me what he should do about the dogs pooping in our yard.  I told him maybe we should scoop it up and put in a bag and give it to her as she is not listening or heeding to our requests to stop.  I had not realized he already flung it nor did he tell me.

The next morning I had a knock on my door.  My neighbor bearing gifts once again but this time from her friend.  Father God had given me my answer.  I had pondered how to stop the gifts coming over (free clothes and such but still…kindness I did not want to accept from the enemy I did not want to allow my home to be victimized by such deceit)…this was the opportunity.  I kindly told my neighbor that I could not accept the clothes from her and that she should not allow her friend to put her in the middle of anything.  That she should not allow her to use her like that.  Her friend needed to have the courage to face me and the lies she had weaved.  Why did I warn her?  Because I respect her enough as a human being not to see her get hurt.  I may not like her ways, beliefs, and values but she is still a person.

We both had tears in our eyes I thought maybe I struck a chord of revelation….then she lashed out at me about the poo.  Then her boyfriend came over and started yelling at me.  I told them I understood their frustration with how that was handled and that I spoke to my husband about it being inconsiderate and disgusting and it would no longer happen but on the same note they needed to keep the dogs doing their business in their yard.  They still kept yelling about how it was not their dogs and that our dog was at their house and the stray cats (that came with our house) were in their yard………….

I cannot believe I kept my composure during all this I do not like being yelled at………I kindly asked them to leave and that they were no  longer welcome in my home.  It took me a couple of times of saying it before they left but they finally left.  I was at such peace.

I told my husband and of course he needed to go out and clarify his actions which started an argument between him and them.

He seems to be so interested in what these people are doing.  Not interested in making friends with people at our church.  It has become an obsession with him.

I would be happy just to live my life with my family and stay isolated in my own yard.  If they have a need I will assist.  If they are in trouble I will be there.  But under no circumstances do I want to have them over for dinner or dessert or vice versa.  Is this loving my neighbor and enemy?  I am not being loving enough?

I do still pray for them each and every day to come to the revelation that there is a God.

Sorry to be so long winded it was hard for me to get my point out in just a few sentences and still this is not every detail that I have dealt with.

I would love to hear from others who may have had similar experiences and how they handle their neighbors on a daily basis.  Do I need to do more for them?  Less?  I need prayer for the upcoming spring.  Right now I do not see these people as much due to the weather but come spring they are always out.  They are the type of people that need to make their presence know with outlandish and loud remarks.  We are working on getting a fence over there with our tax refund………Any thoughts?