Success and Failure Blog

She’s engaged!

Is it your best friend? Your sister? Or is it you? Now that a ring is on your finger, you’re realizing that you’re life is about to change and you can’t wait another second to say “I do.” You think about all you’ve been through and your mind can’t help but go back to the beginning; when you first met the man that would one day become your husband.
So what’s one of the first things you want to do when you suddenly become someone’s fiance? Perhaps it’s safe to say that you want to run and tell your mom! After all of the joy, excitement and maybe even a few tears, a wise woman would ask her mother (if she hadn’t asked already) all that she needs to know before she gets any closer to the alter.
So here’s the burning question: If your mother is divorced, never married, or unhappily married, can she give you what she doesn’t have?
It’s true, some of the best advice comes from people that have gone through pain, fears and disappointments. Even those who haven’t quite reached their goal, they’re still persevering with plenty of lessons under their belt. But what if the perception of your mother toward marriage is deep bitterness and a lack of forgiveness? How will you receive the insight and encouragement from your mother then?
Okay, let’s take a deep breath. Yes, it’s a blessing if one has parents who have a loving, successful marriage that spans decades. But what about the women who don’t? What do they have to look to in order to know what being a husband or wife means?
Family curses are what come into play here. Cycles of bad habits, skewed mentalities and most detrimental, homes lacking the presence of Christ.
It’s truly about getting back to basics. When some little girls are twirling around in their tutus and “playing purse,” their mothers may be teaching them about who God is, if they don’t already know at that toddler age. Throughout their childhood years any lessons a girl’s mom shares is usually remembered if reiterated as she grows older.
“I have to tell you like my mother told me. Be independent, even in marriage-and have your own money,” said Elizabeth. She has been married for over 30 years. Unhappily. She reflects on some of the things she told her daughter when she was growing up regarding men and marriage. “Education first.” She emphasized this throughout her daughter’s life. Elizabeth said that education gives you the freedom to do what you want. To have a more well-rounded life. You realize the more education you get, the more education you want.” So what did she tell her daughter about marriage? That you don’t have to tell men everything. Elizabeth’s reasoning is that as the woman, you believe that marriage is about unity, but the man is all for himself.
This is a mother who has been scarred by her years as an unhappy wife.
From a family of eight, she grew up in a home filled with siblings and two loving parents. She’s the baby, so her parents were well into their forties when she came along. While her mother took Elizabeth and her brothers and sisters to church, she was never consistently taught what having a relationship with Christ is all about.
She remembers the one day when her father went to church with them. After this memory came to her mind, she said that it’s possible that she never really knew what the characteristics of a man with a heart for Lord looked like.
It all comes down to one decision. That one decision to fall in love with Jesus. No matter how much someone else can try to teach and preach, you have to feel and hear God for yourself in order to surrender your life.
Elizabeth’s mother couldn’t do any more than what she did because it was up to Elizabeth all along to seek what the Lord wanted for her and wants for her today. Praying for her husband before he came along- doing the same for her children. Seek God in all of the decisions that you make.
Elizabeth has an experienced soul. She’s experienced a lot of pain from a marriage that was built on the wrong things. She admits that she wants to develop a relationship with Christ. Only then can she possess a forgiving heart.
So what about the hopeful heart? That’s the thing about Jesus—when you know Him before you make choices all on your own, you have the ability to live a life of hope, excitement and fearlessness.
You take a seasoned soul’s lessons and God’s principles and see whether they line up. You can take heed to what an older woman has been through, but don’t let it paralyze you and make you fearful of marriage. God has called you to be fearless!
When you know God, when you have fallen in love with Jesus Christ, when you live a praying life, when you read and practice the Word, not only can you avoid a broken marriage and bitterness, but you can bless another woman with your spirit. Even one who has an experienced soul.

Chateaux-Capri “CC” Sirmans

FROM www.hisbeautymagazine.wordpress.com

Be careful what you pray for!  If we pray for patience, God may grant us challenges so we can learn patience.

 It’s funny how we forget that we asked God for something after we get it.  If it isn’t given in the form we expected, we will often ask God why.  Yet He specifically states in the Bible to ask and ye shall receive.

God listens to us.  He often will give us exactly what we want, so if we don’t examine our prayers carefully, we may get “exactly” what we prayed for.  Is it right to pray for rain, then gripe because of the storm?  Is it right to pray for healing when it isn’t God’s will for healing?  God doesn’t grant us a perfect life because He granted us Free Will.  He allows us to go through trials and valleys because it is where we learn.

A few months ago, my mother passed away after battling cancer.  I knew she would eventually die.  It is not God’s will for our physical bodies to live forever.  These bodies are only vessels that carry us through this life on earth.  They are not meant to last forever.  I didn’t ask God to heal my mother from her cancer.  I only asked that His will be done.  I didn’t ask that He take her pain away.  The body is going to experience pain.  I asked Him to help her through her pain.  I didn’t ask that He remove my pain of going through the cancer with her.  It would have made me an unfeeling, cold wall.  If she had to suffer, was it right for her to have to do it alone?  After all, she had been through pain and suffering with me when I had trials in my life.

What is the pain on this earth anyway?  We are selfish to ask God to remove our pain.  What pain did our Jesus suffer when He gave Himself for our sins?  We cry out to our Lord for much simpler things than any Jesus suffered for us.  To honor the Lord is to bear our pain with grace.  God deserves better from us than to hear us whine about something so fleeting as the pain we suffer on this earth.  These bodies and our suffering here are nothing compared to the joys we shall have in eternity.

Our prayers should honor our Lord.  He expects us to be honest with Him, and that honesty extends to our emotions and our needs and desires.  He is more receiving of our prayers when we are honest with ourselves and respectful that He is the one in control and knows much more about our situations than we ever can.

          “a ribbon of road was my companion”

     I walked on this road hoped to see someone, though nothing but, a ribbon of road was my companion. I was thirsty and hungry. My throat was so dry that I picked up a pebble and toss it into my mouth. Let this pebble whet my thirst. Let me draw out every last drop of moisture.  Am I going to die here, die among the creatures of the air and this dirt road? I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn’t see the bird of prey approach me.

     “Caw, caw!” screech a buzzard. My hands reached up to protect my head at the same time I swallowed my last hope, I thought.

     My hand went to my throat, and I gasped for air as I swallowed that pebble. I gazed around at the vast emptiness. That bird of prey was waiting for me to die.

     “What are you looking at? I am not dead yet. I might look like death, but I am not.”  I tried not to lose hope in the One who gives me breath.

     I was drawn away from the path to a high plateau in the mountains where as a child I would escape to have lunch with Abba. I would bring bake chicken, potato salad and for dessert we would have chocolate cake. I would have His total attention. Today, I looked off into a time when I wrestled with disenchantment, pain, being alone and I admit to the hate I felt towards my Abba.

     Look at me! Who would want me? I am without child and have lost my youth. I want to disappear like Alice in Wonderland into a hole; into a new world to save me from my shame. You say to me, Lord, “I do not know you.”

     How absurd! I spoke back to Abba, “What do you mean that you do not know me? Did I not serve you during my year of discovery? I learned to search the scriptures to find the hidden truths that you lead me too. Have you forgotten the mission you sent me on and the ones that gave their lives to you?” What does this mean? Have I been walking this path by myself? I pondered.

     I found myself back on the road, the hard ground under my feet. The weight of my burden was heavier on my shoulders. My walk stopped. Looking skyward I was trying to comprehend what this all meant. How did I lose my way? When did I get off the path? Maybe I have never been on the right path that leads to Abba. I have been lost? Please help me. At that moment I knelt down on the hard, dry ground and my dry parched throat prayed a simple prayer, “please, forgive me Abba for going my own way. Teach me your ways. I want to learn from you.”

     I remembered a song from the old book. Searching my mind I remember bits of it that says, “I trust in thee, O Lord; I say thou art my God; my times are in thy hands.”  Concentrate. I closed my eyes, and I was back reliving my past.

      You swooped in like an angel lifting me up off the rough road and sustaining me in your arms; fighting my battles with the serpents that surrounded me on both sides.

     At times it was hard to hear your voice, the dark one sounds like you. I hit the pavement with a thump! The dark one would taunt me calling me the old names that someone supposedly dear to me had call me; I struggle with my Father’s love and I would get disconcerted, disillusion and throw it in your face. You taught me that I could trust you again and lean on you. You brought me new comrades and new hope. You showed me in little tests that I can trust you again.

     And so, I started to trust God in little ways by getting counseling. I truly grappled with my faith. Does he truly love me? Finally, I was able to make changes in my life. I made more new friends and started to go to church regularly, making a contribution by leading a single’s group.

     Many tests later, I came to my biggest challenge of all. I lost everything: my home, my car, even my precious possessions. God again said, “Trust me.” When I thought of those two words trust me, they reminded me of the humiliation, pain, and guilt. And I cringed and I am reminded of my lowest moment in the hands of him. Dark memories from a time long gone but it feels like yesterday with the smell of burning flesh.

     I suddenly realized that the landscape has changed and I am very parched and sunburn. My long lost friend we meet again. “Trust me.” How can I trust you when I am losing my car? My car has been my freedom, freedom from my mistakes: marriage, unwanted singleness, shame, guilt, and you. I see. I have been running away from you…

     How did I get here, again on the road of despair? We sometimes make strange bedfellows. I lived many years in abuse and heard from the man I loved that I was stupid, dumb, and idiotic so many times. He said he didn’t want children with me because they might be like me. And so, I became numb, slow to feel good emotions. It is so very hard to trust.

     When I meet people who remind me of my ex-husband, a war breaks out in my head. I become consume with memories and distressed that can punch me down and leave me silent. I work for such a person and was trying to make my escape and in doing so lost my only income. I haven’t been able to get another job and my every moment is consumed with having my boss tell me, “MaryAnn you’re too old for the industry and no one will hire you.” I hear the voice of my ex-husband telling me, “When you look for a job, make sure you don’t have to write, communicate, or drive because you can’t do any of those things.” STOP!! The Lord has made me a promise: “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)   And, then “Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck and write them on the tablet of your heart.”(Proverbs 3:3) Be truthful to yourself MaryAnn. “Love shall never leave you or forsake you.”(Hebrews 13:5)   “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.”(Proverbs 3:5-6)   Out of the dirty muck I cleaned off the shame and guilt off my feet. I walk with sure footedness up the path of forgiveness and grace. I know I have stumble, but life is challenging it is not painless.

     The air is cleaner up on the plateau overlooking that hard road I have been traveling. I have traveled this road constantly when I let go of my father’s hand. I believed a lie. I believed that I was worthless and that who could love me. I found that was a lie from that vulture of prey that hunts the souls of the lost children of God.

     So if you find yourself on this hard road of life and you are thirsty for love. My Father, Jesus Christ his arms are always open wide for the losted, hurted, and confused just turn around HE has been waiting for you to notice HIM. HE is standing with open arms to embrace, kiss, and offer you a home with HIM. Ask HIM in and you will never be alone.

Lessons learned on a hard road when one is so thirsty that they are driven to change:  

     1.  Give up your control of your life to God and watch Him turn your life around.

     2.  Do not let go of His hand. Focus on the word. Jesus says “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” (Deuteronomy 31:6) We are the ones who leave His side when we sin. He promised to never leave us. When we come to the Father he forgives us for our past, present, and future sins. We go into hiding when we are running away and Jesus is right there with us. All we need to do is turn around; His arms are open wide ready and waiting for you.

     3.  Set up boundaries that are attainable. Just because you are stronger doesn’t mean that you can date someone who reminds you of your ex; this is a time to flee, run.

     4.  Read your Bible every day, memorizes scriptures, and pray; the Lord wants a relationship with you. Watch what you say do not let Satan in by the words you proclaim “May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.” (Psalm 19:14)  

     5.  If you lost everything today. Would you love the Lord more than your reputation? Give Him your pain and struggles. Let Him into your situations do not hide them from Him. HE knows all and it pains Him to see you in so much pain. Sometimes, we just get in the way of what He wants to do in our life.

     6.  Only let us live up to what we have already attained. (Philippians  3:16) If the Lord shows you something do not let someone come in and tell you different. Those special bonds you have with the Lord do not let someone come and tear you two apart.

     7.  Watch what you say do not let Satan in by the words you proclaim. “May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.”  (Psalm 19:14)      

    http://kissedbythefather.blogspot.com/

Anger is a sneaky one…

He likes to sneak in on the coat tales of other emotions. Maybe more so with men, or maybe it’s just me. I know anger isn’t always bad, it can get adrenalin going and help with the fight or flight situations. But I used to be way more comfortable with anger, I know its “personality”, its symptoms. But I think we are trained(by the world) that anger is OK in men and other emotions are not. hurt? cover it with anger. Sad? cover it with anger. worried, confused, embarrassed, etc? cover it with anger. All those other emotions are not masculine and we don’t know how to deal with them, but anger we are used to that, the power, the high…there is a song by Disciple called…

Dear X

Dear hate, I know you’re not far
You would wait at the door of my heart
I was amazed at the passion in your cries
Dear anger, you made me so high
You were faithful to show up on time
Such a flame that was burning in your eyes
I let you go
But you’re still chasing

There all these painful emotions, sadness, rejection, humiliation, we are trained to turn them to hate. The problem is pain, sadness, rejection, humiliation, all suck, but they fade. Anger and Hate… They like to stick around & provide their own fuel for the fire, and when they become your default emotion, it’s even harder, and it always seems like they are chasing you.

Easter as we know it consists of several things.  One, the honor to the Lord for giving up His son for our sins.  Two, the selflessness of Jesus as He gave up His own life and returned to sit at the right hand of the Father.  Three, family gathering.  Four, commercialism:  Easter candy, baskets, presents, decorations.  Five, fun for children:  hunting eggs, the Easter bunny, special (and sometimes elaborate) feasts, Easter programs in which to participate at church.

This year my kids are too old for the egg hunts, Easter basket surprises, and sitting on the Easter bunny’s lap for a holiday photo.  What they aren’t too old for is church.  One of my gifts this Easter is that my children are in church.  My son and his wife are with the in-laws.  My daughter is with the boyfriend, whose father is a pastor of a church nearby.  It’s not that I’m surprised that they are in church, but my son works out of town and sometimes out of state.  He doesn’t always make it to church services.  In my opinion, he especially needed the service this morning to renew his closeness to God.

My husband is recovering from dental surgery, so I’m home in case he needs me.  My decision was to watch church on television.  Yes, I have scoffed at such activity in the past.  But since I didn’t make it to church in person, I am grateful that there is indeed church on television.

One reason I’m grateful this Easter is because of an unexpected gift.  God spoke to me during the service I had waited several hours to hear.  There is a favorite pastor I like to listen to and watch.  I forgot what time his service appeared, so I went through two services waiting on his broadcast.  I was about to give up when I noticed that he was up next.

My unexpected gift was a release of tears, always a relief.   The pastor spoke of pain as a way for the Lord to reach us.  I have often reached out to others who were suffering in pain, hoping to reach them, hoping to relieve their burdens in whatever way I was capable.  I wanted them to know that the Lord is here through our pain.   But, of course, when it came to my own pain, even though I knew better…….I had begun to wonder if the Lord was here for me during my pain.  He assured me, through His wondrous ability to speak through another person, that He is indeed here for me through my pain.  It touched me.  I cried.  I recognized the unexpected Easter gift God sent to me.  Thank you, God, for touching me with your unexpected gift.  I should know better than to wonder, but it sure is nice to be reminded when I need that special touch to keep me going.