Success and Failure Blog

IT IS SO UNIQUE how some spiritual adventures begin, especially the ones you grow from. How was I to know that one dialogue while waiting for a train ride home would result in a Christian vs. Jehovah’s Witness battle that would last for several months? I have never been one to shy away from a Bible discussion or debate, even though my maturing conscience in Christ has often rebuked me for the level of “excitement” I have brought to the task. I envision myself being smooth and calm, reciting scriptures as if they were written on the back of my hand. Instead the dialogue (at least in my case) many times de-evolved into a classic courtroom case between two lawyers, many times with the other side walking away in frustration (I have missed several trains because I refuse to walk away from the JWs).

This guy, however, was my equal in tenacity and stubbornness, if not in Bible knowledge (not that I know so much). Since we rode on the train together towards home and often towards work as well, this treated our fellow train riders to a full 25 minutes of non-stop Bible debate between two “never-say-die” believers of differing ideologies, squaring off with their respective Bibles. The train would often grow quiet as we battled, with some Christians standing nearby and quietly rooting me on, or some nearby JWs listening intently and showing no emotion.

My friend Dennis was no pushover. The moment he found out I was a Christian pastor, he launched into his questions designed to point out the “flaws” in the Christian church’s theology (none of which were new to me.) When I told him I had dealt with many of his group’s Elders and Bible students, he said challengingly, “Well, you’ve got one now.”

I must admit, to my shame, that I relished pridefully in the challenge. The discussions gave me an opportunity to break out my Exhibit A passages that I was sure would cause most JWs to drop to their knees in tearful repentance. Instead, Dennis would deftly counter with his New World Translation’s version of the same passage that would somehow deliver an interpretation that conflicted with my own, or he would share an alternate understanding of the same passage, which would launch us into another 5-minute debate on the validity of his interpretation. We went from battling Bible passages to battling versions, from versions to commentators, from commentators to original manuscripts. A number of times when I thought I had him cornered, I clearly saw the deception that would come over him, preventing him from conceding any point that contradicted his JW perspective. I tried hard not to deny any accurate point made by him, and he did the same at times, but on the major points of the Christian faith, he would not acknowledge any of his flaws or errors.

On my part, I began to research the entire JW history from the 1800s, researching websites, printing reams of documents aned carrying them around in a 3-hole binder, looking for Dennis to try out my latest scriptural logic and historical findings. He would often do the same, faithfully sharing his JW-endorsed support docs to prove his points. Sometimes we slipped into scriptural insults (yes, there can be such a thing.) This went on for months, Monday through Friday. There was no give; we were deadlocked.

I didn’t get a revelation on what I was doing wrong until a woman on the morning train once spoke to both of us, saying pleadingly, “Gentlemen, please!” I didn’t see anger on her face, but embarrassment. She was holding a Christian book. A believer, I thought. She should be on MY side! But the thought came to me quietly: was I on God’s side in this? Wasn’t I doing it right? I remember the passage in the book of Joshua where Joshua, at war with Israel’s enemies, came upon an angel posed in the field with a sword during a battle. Joshua promptly asked, “Are you with our enemies or with us?” The angel answered just as promptly, “Neither one; but I have come for the Lord God of Hosts.” Joshua immediately changed his attitude and asked “what does the Lord God have to say?”

That passage blew me away. The angel was saying, “I am not here to choose sides in your dispute; I am here to fight for whichever side has sided with God. The real question is, which side are YOU on in HIS battle?” That passage tells me that we can be all fired up for a cause and still miss the will of God in our battle. That is what I had done with Dennis; instead of trying to win him over to the kingdom with God’s love and grace, I was trying to beat him into the kingdom with my logic, knowledge, and persuasiveness. I was hardening his heart towards me, guaranteeing that he wouldn’t receive whatever response I gave. I was simply trying to WIN. As a result, my humility was out of the window and my pride was in full gear. Once that happened, the Lord was neither on my side NOR Dennis’, for neither one of us was on his side at that point. Remember the passage: “God resists the proud, but exalts the humble…”

In my zeal to win the lost, I had become the proud; even if my doctrine was correct, my heart was not. I immediately tried to change my tactics with Dennis. Whenever he sees me now, he immediately launches into some aspect of doctrine designed to eventually draw me into a debate. I am now trying to respond respectfully, changing the subject here and there to a more personal or amiable subject, like our families, our jobs, our personal histories. In other words, like Jesus did with the woman at the well, I am now trying to first become his friend. Sometimes I have passed the test, other times that pride element will flare up and take over. I realize now that the real battle, the one that really matters for me, is first won within my own heart.

I don’t know how this “friendship” will go, how long it will last, or what will be the end results. I have learned a lot about Jehovah’s Witnesses, their ways, thinking and deception (For truly they are deceived). But I have also learned much about myself and my own weaknesses in the Lord, and they are many. I understand how far we as believers have to go in maturing our own hearts before we can effectively share the gospel with others. And I now understand more fully the truth in the statement, “People don’t care what you know until they know that you care.”

Lord God, forgive me for misrepresenting you. I repent of my pridefulness and dependence on myself and my knowledge. Help me to learn how to draw people to you with love and compassion instead of with knowledge and judgement. Help me to die to my own flesh and will so that I can more fully walk in your spirit and love. Amen.

(PS — If you really wish to know and understand the challenge of the Jehovah’s Witness group, read “Crisis of Conscience” by former Jehovah’s Witness Elder Raymond Franz. A very insightful, precise, compassionate book.)

I recently read an article in “Voice of the Martyrs” that has left me convicted.

“Who is First?” In our day to day living are we putting God’s Kingdom first?  As I reflect and read stories of Christians sacrificing themselves and their families for Christ, I feel remorse for not doing more for God’s Kingdom.  I feel guilt for thinking the minor persecution I suffer for my faith may be enough.

I am guilty for putting my family first.  How many of us are?  We live day to day being a Martha.  Filled with anxiety and worry about what we have not gotten done, what we need to do.  Worrying about our finances and the picnic we are preparing for…..How much of this is really essential in our daily living.  How much of a role is all this in our real job here on earth -  servants for the Almighty God.

My heart yearns for the Lord yet I do not do nearly enough to sacrifice myself.  I feel sorry for myself because my marriage is not nearly what I want it to be.  I feel pity for the daily grind I need to put up with in my household and feel this is a sacrifice in an of itself.

It may very well be but when you look around the world at what others are sacrificing young and old it really makes you appreciate the fact that we have so much even if we feel we have so little.

Although I may not be a part of their faith, I have a great respect for the Mormons and Jehovah’s Witnesses for going door to door spreading the Word of God.  Stopping people on the street to tell them of Jesus’ love.  Praise God for witnesses such as these.

Lead me, Father God, to be the Christian witness you need for me to be right here where you have placed me.  Although I may not have to give my life in order to spread your Word, Lord, I want to be a living sacrifice in my community.  Teach me your ways, Lord.   Teach me how to spread your Word and to be an effective witness for your kingdom.